child, age thirteen, satisfying curiosity

Child: What slash pairings have you written?
Me: Merlin and Arthur, Brian and Justin, Adam and Kris...
Child: Adam? Lambert?
Me: Who else? Clark Kent and Lex Luthor...
Child: Superman????
Me: Duh.
Child: Can I write NC-17?
Me: ...and that's unexpected.

Later:

Child: I feel sorry for Captain America and Wolverine. They were best friends and Captain American died!
Me: He'll be back.
Child: *sighs*
Me: *pats his back* How...good of friends?
Child: *eyes me suspiciously*
Me: No reason.

The thing is, his sex education was kind of brutally frank and lacked euphemisms. If he goes this direction (doubtful, he's not quite there yet), this is going to be like, a cross between a Disney romantic comedy, Nightmare on Elm Street, and like, IDK, Gossip Girl. We're talking like, post-apocalyptic Beauty and the Beast with the word breast used to be edgy. Maybe.

And people wonder why I think the future is going to be awesome. There's an entire generation of fangirl spawn coming up to flood ff.net with badfic and reinvent the wheel all over again.

He has a twitter, a facebook, and a DW account that he got for his birthday, he's almost able to password lock me from the three gmail accounts he knows I know about and the five he thinks I don't, along with three yahoo and several messageboards and all his online games. I know how to reset all of them and disable his computer and he's going to figure out how I do that soon. It's like the most awesome arms race ever, and I have five years of this to look forward to.

Ladies and gentlemen, my son, age thirteen. I did say once I hated to be bored.

ETA: Child henceforth wants to be known as Serpent when I write about him. He left in a huff when I couldn't stop laughing.

Comments

[dragontatt.livejournal.com]

Just so you know, I'm never certain whether to be grateful or terrified of the little glimpses you give me of my future....

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Both? *uneasy* I still have traumatic flashbacks of the first sex talk.

[transtempts.livejournal.com]

He knows about Captain America and Ironman's epic friendship yes? And has seen all the issues where they cling to each other and grope each other and are generally codependent?

[seperis.livejournal.com]

..I love you. That's next.

DID YOU GET MY EMAIL?

[celli]

Oh, Jen.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*hands* My life.

ALSO OMG I NEED TO TELL YOU HE IS TALL. HE COMES TO MY CHIN. REMEMBER WHEN YOU MET HIM AND HE WAS TINIER? DEAR GOD.

[eponymousanon.livejournal.com]

Your 13-yr old Child wants to write NC-17 fic... that explains sooooo much of the badfic I see on the interwebs! He is, however, COMPLETELY AWESOME. I love all the tips I get on raising my (far, far in the future) children.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Its' hilarious. He's not even sure what that means yet but since I write it, he wants to. I was curious if I could get a definition, but decided to wait it out and see if he give me a practical example.

And yes, this is where it comes from.

[hivesofactivity.livejournal.com]

Eeep - I'm looking at my future! *eyes eight-year-old son suspiciously*

[seperis.livejournal.com]

It's coming.

[jamafanta.livejournal.com]

Having children is still a wee bit terrifying to me (I'm 29 & my husband's 36; it'll happen in the next few years). But you make it less so.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

I can honestly say I do not get how I would have enough constant entertainment in my life without him. Seriously, it's like, a multiverse adventure a minute.

[fox1013.livejournal.com]

Man, when he rules the world, you are so going to regret not just calling him Serpent.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

I admit, this thought has occurred to me.

[cobweb-diamond.livejournal.com]

Hahaha, good work. This sounds like my treatment of my brother... I introduced him to Harry Potter fandom when he was like, 11, and he hasn't looked back. Luckily he's now so obsessed with steampunk he only writes on typewriters, so the ST: TOS badfic will never make it to ff.net. ;)

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*dies* Typewriters? Really? That is so cool!

[preromantics.livejournal.com]

This is me 5 years ago, except minus an awesome mother? \o? IDK, your adventures with Child are always amusing to read.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

I pointed him at ff.net and cackled, I admit it.

[wyoluvr.livejournal.com]

i suppose he'd be even more upset if he knew that there were hundreds of fangirls laughing right along with you?

[seperis.livejournal.com]

I do look forward to the day he finds out. It's wrong. And yet....

[mylittlehottie.livejournal.com]

LOL! my answer to "can i write NC17?"

would have been "i don't know, CAN you?"

thank god my are grown! now i'm the one deleting the history on my computer!

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*DIES LAUGHING*

[airglowsgold.livejournal.com]

this was me six years ago, except without the sex-ed and a whole lot of shitty harry potter hetfic instead of superheroes








. . . you are such an incredible mother, will you adopt me please *______*

[seperis.livejournal.com]

God, I would have killed to get him into Harry Potter and gotten the good gossip. He was too young. *sad*

The two he gave me:

http://seperis.livejournal.com/398195.html#cutid1
http://seperis.livejournal.com/774642.html

He has a couple more, I think, and a continuation of that second one he turned in for school.

[piscaria.livejournal.com]

That is hilarious! Teenagers will never stop amusing me, I swear.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

I am so weirdly excited to watch this. Puberty sucked so much, I keep thinking watching my kid go through it may be the only thing that makes having gone through it myself worth it.

[forsweatervests.livejournal.com]

Good god, ChildSerpent is frigging awesome. You are very lucky, indeed.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

I get a lot of personal satisfaction imagining the moment he hits NC-17 fanart and like, two girls one cup. So much.

[ineptshieldmaid.livejournal.com]

Oh my. The Internet won't know what hit it...

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*glee*

[tetsubinatu.livejournal.com]

I wonder what would happen if you put all our spawn into a large multimedia room.*backs away slowly*

(Parent of 7yog, 10yob, 13yob)

[seperis.livejournal.com]

I've always wondered what a fannish parent-with-children con would be like. Throw them all in a room with some laptops and watch it unfold with glee.

[lanning.livejournal.com]

You are cool beyond words, and so is Child. :D I have two rambunctiously fannish nephews (ages 14 and 11), and their mother knows that her hopelessly weird big sister is into slash, but I think she'd strangle me if I clued in her boys. If it's meant to be, they'll find it on their own. I hope they do, because that would rock my world.

My regards to Serpent. ;)

[skadi.livejournal.com]

Your stories about your child are some of my favorite. He sounds awesome. I wish their had been more people like him when I was in grade school.

[aivilo-18.livejournal.com]

Me: *pats his back* How...good of friends?
Child: *eyes me suspiciously*
Me: No reason.

::falls over::

Amazing.

Your kid is...I maybe wish I had a friend like him growing up? Because then I maybe wouldn't have had to go through my Mulder/Krycek Period of Discovery alone in my basement.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

he's currently watching subtitled german soap operas on youtube. I told him when he hits college, he is really not going to have a problem getting laid at any liberal arts school in the country.

[scrollgirl.livejournal.com]

Oh wow, he's 13 already?? Time sure does fly (and other truisms).

It's like the most awesome arms race ever, and I have five years of this to look forward to.

*sits back with popcorn*

[fanofall.livejournal.com]

You are, like, the world's sparkliest cautionary tale.

Tell Serpent we love him, and eagerly anticipate his brooding PG-13 superhero curtainfic.

[cat-77.livejournal.com]

I envy your parenting some times. *g*

Our Eldest (12.5) is completely unadventurous and will only do things our Youngest (11) has tried before. Youngest showed him how to find different web sites and Youngest cooks for him (in exchange for chores - he's our littler entrepreneur) and Youngest demonstrated how to both reboot and access different aps on his computer.

Eldest... Well, I convinced him this morning that I did not need to take the access card out of the Dish TV box due to his grounding because technology is so awesome we can track whether or not he watched anything online. He paled. It rocked. Boy sucks at lying. This also rocks. *g*

[owlrigh.livejournal.com]

LOL

I used to do things like that to my brother ALL THE TIME. So hilarious.

[auroramama]

Serpent? Like the Titanide, or the instrument he was named after, or something else entirely? "Yellow as the sky are the Madrigal chord."

[lurkerlynne.livejournal.com]

Child was named after an instrument? This explains much!

[othercat.livejournal.com]

It's so awesome hearing stuff like this. And funny. ^_^

[norabombay.livejournal.com]

20 years from now, he will be 33, and still known to all as Serpent on the internets.

You should go with it. Maybe convince him that what he needs is a serpent tattoo- provided of course he gets the one Scully got.

Also, god help me, Cap & Wolvie. As written by 13 year olds trying to write NC-17.

I don't know that I could deal with it.