why are these people web-enabled?

Okay, level with me--the point of Facebook is to:

a.) be annoyed by your mother's obsession with getting gifts for Farmville.
b.) learn to hate fish every time you look at your feed.
c.) so people you met before the age of reason, or fuck, the age of puberty, can track you down like some kind of goddamn dark magic GPS, because I refuse to believe anything as beautiful as computers could be responsible for this shit.
d.) ex-boyfriends from non-English speaking countries who were instrumental in your growth and development can friend you. No reason.
e.) a long-lost friend is into otaku-like beliefs but in relation to the Fae (yes, nymphaea1, I am not joking, I have evidence) and sends you pictures (EVIDENCE). Of her wings (NOT KIDDING).
f.) Fundamentalist relatives. I'll just leave that as-is.
f.) give you a glimpse of what hell will be like in terms of population. Yeah, this.

Guess how many of these are happening to me right now?

Okay, showtime. Beat that list. I totally dare you.

Comments

[tricksterquinn.livejournal.com]

...I friended my D rather than the other way around? *sheepish*

[villeinage.livejournal.com]

Oh fundie relatives, I am there with you!

I blocked one (friended them before I realized just how hate-spewing they were,) and then had to explain to my teengirl why she had to block Crazy Stalker Uncle Jay from her Facebook, too.

[akamine_chan]

c.) so people you met before the age of reason, or fuck, the age of puberty, can track you down like some kind of goddamn dark magic GPS, because I refuse to believe anything as beautiful as computers could be responsible for this shit.

I just had this happen an hour ago - a guy I "knew" from the ages of 3 to 6 just tracked me down and friended me. I'm a military brat and was living in Taipei, Taiwan at the time. Dark magic GPS, indeed.

*goes back to lurking*

[nymphaea1.livejournal.com]

a long-lost friend is into otaku-like beliefs but in relation to the Fae

This sounds like a special friend. You should treasure her.

This is why I avoid Facebook like 95% of the time. It gives me nothing e-mail doesn't and gives me unwanted contact with family and happily discarded exes otherwise.

[aurora]

Of her wings (NOT KIDDING).
PICTURES. NOW.

[cofax7]

I go for months without checking FB. It's very freeing.

[naughtyoldlady.livejournal.com]

LOL - I just ignore friend requests from people I don't give a crap about. I hide annoying applications immediately. I hide the feed from people who post too much boring/annoying/repetitive stuff (if I don't actually want to defriend them). And I turn on every privacy option there is.

That sounds like a lot of work, but it's not. And now I actually enjoy FB, because it's limited to people and subjects that interest me. Because, well, life is too short. ;-)

[riazendira.livejournal.com]

So true! My "best friend" from first grade found me. The one who was FAR TOO COOL for me any time after first grade and never really talked to me again and is now off in Hollywood somewhere. She also posted our first grade class picture and tagged me in it. The only excuse I have for my pastel and white, smocked front, poofy sleeved lacey dress... I was after all, only 6. But now, all the world can appreciate this... thanks "best friend".

You forgot: So random people who share your last name (but are not actually members of your family, unless you mean say, back 200 plus years ago at least) and think it's cool to be friends with EVERYONE who has that last name can find you! We're ALL FAMILY HERE... right? *hides*

[ariadne83]

Bah. Facebook.

Damn kids, get off my wall!

[hellpenguin.livejournal.com]

i've got the:

1) my bosses are my farmville neighbors.
2) the majority of my friends list are my coworkers
3) i'm the one sending the invites to farmville etc
4) i have two long-lost friends
5) srsly, dark magic GPS.

[droolfangrrl.livejournal.com]

Ok, so this just firms up my decision to Use a fake name when I signed up on face book.

[jamesinboots.livejournal.com]

*HUG*

LOLOLOL, this is why I don't friend anybody back on Facebook. I have like not many friends at all and it's glorious.

(Omg I do have someone who plays Farmville constantly. ANNOYING.)

[chinawolf.livejournal.com]

There. The comprehensive list of why I cannot bring myself to make an account, even though I tried. Twice. >_>

[akacat]

re: a) Oddly enough, my mother joined LJ specifically to watch my journal, and so far she refused to touch FB. I'm so proud of her. :D All of my non-parental relatives are on FB.

Thus far, c) has failed me; I *still* haven't found my second-grade crush on FB. Though I did friend my high school crush. (And sadly, the only reason he signed up for FB was because he had terminal cancer. But two months of contact and knowing "whatever happened to?" is better than nothing.)

e) wtf? No, really -- WTF? I would really like to know more about this photographic evidence.


(ETA) Actual semi-horrors who have friended me:

* The former coworker who I knew as a super awesome liberal librarian has since turned into a hard-core fundie. She loves to talk about how she overcame the error of her un-God-full ways, and is always asking everyone to pray for something-or-other.

* The college drop-out rebel who honest-to-god ran away with the Ren Faire, who has become a name-dropping social-climbing back-stabbing rich brat.

So, not actually horrible, but rather cringe-worthy.

ex-boyfriends from non-English speaking countries

[ender24]

OMGZ LULZ, yes THAT!!!

[fyrdrakken]

I suppose at this point, coming back by this post again as I finish properly going over the friends list posts I'd previously skimmed, I should drop back in and mention that a little bit preceding this post were a pair from someone sharing old photos that she just discovered showing up on FB and saying how much she's just loving recontacting old friends twenty years later.

Mind you, in her case these really were friends, as opposed to finding herself stalked by people she hadn't thought of for years and could have happily gone without ever hearing from again.

[welfycat.livejournal.com]

Just wanted to thank you for prompting me to (finally) delete 9/10ths of my "friends" list on FB. I feel a lot less angry at internet civilization in general now.

[100wordspermin.livejournal.com]

No one has brought up birth stories/gross parenting details so far. I can't be the only one that happens to. Right?

Also, politics. Srsly, not everyone has to agree with me about, well, anything, but posting "OMG contact your senator about this VERY IMPORTANT CONSERVATIVE ISSUE and if you don't YOU'RE A BAD BAD PERSON WHO SEEKS THE DOWNFALL OF OUR NATION." Um, yeah. I'm not going to contact my senator, but I *am* going to cut you from my newsfeed/"friends"list.

Furthermore, the inanity of posts about the desirability of weekends and the dread of Mondays. Yes, we know.

Oh! And couples who update their statuses together (double bonus blargh points for doing so simultaneously from mobile devices). So if X and Y are a couple, for instance, their status updates each read thusly: "Out having coffee with sweetieface X!" and "Out having coffee with my snookums Y!"

And the constant updater: Got up. Took a shower. Eating breakfast. On my way to work. Traffic sucks. Just got to work. In a meeting. In another meeting. Eating lunch (half a Reuben sandwich and three Skittles). In another meeting. In another meeting. Getting ready to go home. Leaving work. Traffic sucks. Just got home. Etc. Etc. Ad nauseum.