my god the inhumanity

I am this close to offering sex in exchange for someone to go to the Kolache Shop and get me some damned kolache. One peach, one ham and cheese. Maybe also an apricot.

Kolache, God's perfect food.

PS, just told boss DIAF because he will not bring me kolache in exchange for actually doing work today. So far, this is not working.

PSS, the meat and cheese one is actually called a klobasnek. It is still damned delicious.

I'd settle for breakfast tacos, actually. If I had to. Though really, considering, I keep worrying (and by this I mean hoping) one day we will all wake up to a monstrous breakfast food known as the kolachtaco, because speaking as she who was forcing down terrifying saurkraut because I was told it was the food of my ancestors (this, I am convinced, is why they came to America circa Before Today; to get away from the saurkraut), my ancestors really didn't do that great with food all the time, so when they do get it right, it damn well needs celebration and you really can do anything with salsa.

...kolache rancheros. Oh hell yes.

This is brought to you by the letter H (for hungry), the letter P (for the fact I could not get peanut butter since apparently we will all die like chickens or something if we eat it now? I cannot believe my life no longer includes peanut butter cups) and the number 1, which is me. Eating cheetos, and no kolache rancheros (if you cannot see the humor in those two words written together, come on. That is awesome. Just don't add saurkraut.)

ETA: I am now out of cheetos. People should fear me.

Comments

[kassrachel.livejournal.com]

Man, I miss kolaches. I always used to like the peach ones.

And I *really* miss breakfast tacos. Why, oh why, can Taco Cabana not open up an outpost up here? I mean, I realize it's not great Mexican food, but it's real.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

I do not know if I would survive without breakfast tacos. I think I would like, collapse and die or something.

[ratcreature]

Why are you going to die from peanut butter? I guess you could always eat hazelnut butter instead. And since when eat chickens peanut butter?

And what's wrong with sauerkraut? (I actually had sauerkraut with potatoes for dinner yesterday.)

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Forced to eat Many Traditional Foods (tm) as a child totally turned me off all German food for years (any given barbecue--barbecue!--five kinds of pasta/potato salad and at least three variations on saurkraut. And this other thing that wasn't technically saurkraut but I still have no idea what it was and it was similiar). Though I never stopped loving the sausages, tbh.

I want to try it again when the memories of childhood have faded more.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Peanut butter--salmonella found in a lot of peanut butter in a lot of states, apparently. So we live in fear.

[emgeetrek.livejournal.com]

But apparently peanut butter in a jar is okay. (Except for those big industrial sized jars that are used in food service.) It's just peanut-butter-containing foods that are suspect.

[grammarwoman]

Here and here for more info.

[omglawdork.livejournal.com]

If someone really loved you, they would drive to West and get you some straight-up Czech Stop kolaches. Once your child is old enough to drive, you can make him do these things for you.

Also, I think it is a sign of my Texas heritage that I looked at kolache rancheros, processed the idea for a second, and then shrugged and thought "hell, I'd eat it." In the words of Joey Tribbiani: Kolache? Good. Huevos Rancheros? Good. Kolache Ranchero? GOOOOOOOOOD.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

In the words of Joey Tribbiani: Kolache? Good. Huevos Rancheros? Good. Kolache Ranchero? GOOOOOOOOOD.

This! You cannot go wrong here. The only thing I'd hope is no avocado, but oh my God imagining the art that is kolache rancheros? Just. Yes.

[litch.livejournal.com]

I have come to the conclusion that thought the czech stop's kolaches are superior, the time it takes anything slower than a cessna to get to austin renders them no better than the kolache shop ones.

[fyrdrakken]

I think it's only specific peanut butter manufacturers or something, but I haven't bothered clicking on any headline links for further information. Mom is eating so many PB&Js lately to stretch her food budget (and I've been having so many PB&Js on toast for breakfasts of late, including this morning) that we've been pretty much ignoring the warnings. Though I think our current jar of Jif predates the issue anyway.

Also, the last time I did a big Dexter marathon, I wound up getting such a craving for breakfast food from seeing the opening credits repeatedly that I visited IHOP and Denny's several times over the next month or two, and bought quite a few Jack in the Box breakfast burritos to get that egg-and-sausage fix.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Yes, this. God, and there is a Jack in the box nearby.

[fyrdrakken]

And they include little tubs of salsa with their breakfast burritos, too.

[emgeetrek.livejournal.com]

I actually like sauerkraut. But then, one must consider that I grew up in a household where the only cooking seasonings used were salt, pepper (and not much of that), paprika (on the smothered veal chops only), sage (at Thanksgiving, in the stuffing), garlic powder (seldom used), and dried oregano (to jazz up the Kraft boxed spaghetti dinners). (Nutmeg, cinnamon and the like did appear in baked goods.) My mother's cooking was good, mostly, but very, very plain. Sauerkraut was one of the livelier items to grace our table!

Oh, and onions. Onions in everything. Mom couldn't cook if there were no onions in the house. More than once, I was dispatched to the market on an emergency onion run. The preparation for just about every dish began with the cutting up of an onion (or two, or three . . .)

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Onions are awesome. On their own, unless in Fried Ring Form, I am not a huge fan, but as part of another dish? Almost everything.

I think I would have less saurkraut trauma if there had just been less of it when I was a kid. *flashbacks*

[delle.livejournal.com]

will you kill me if I tell you we make homemade kolache for christmas? (my husband is half polish)

I could give you the recipe, if you're so inclined.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

I will cry like a baby for that recipe.

[delle.livejournal.com]

Kolaczki - my mother in law's recipe - she is full-blooded Polish, altho 2nd generation American:

6 oz cream cheese, softened
1 C butter, softened
2 T sugar
2 C flour
2 t baking powder
1/4 t salt
2 eggs, beaten

Mix cream cheese and butter. Add sugar. In seperate bowl, combine flour, salt and baking powder. Add eggs and dry mixture alternatively to butter mixture. Divide dough in half, wrap in plastic wrap (NB: I use wax paper that's been sprayed with pam, it's a sticky dough) and chill several hours until firm.
Preheat oven to 375. Roll out dough (to about 1/4" thickness) and cut into 3" squares. Put a dollop of filling in the center of the square and fold opposite corners to the center. (in our house, we use raspberry, marionberry or ranier cherry jam; you fold the dough so the cookie looks like a bow tie). Bake 10 mins until just starting to brown. Dust with confectioner's sugar when cool.

Enjoy!

[reginagiraffe]

kolache rancheros

Proof that English is the slut of the language world.

"You have a word for something that we don't have? *waves* Bring it on in! You have a word that is similar but not exactly the same as three other words we already have? *waves* Bring it on in!"

♥

[fyrdrakken]

I still fondly remember learning in passing during that one linguistics course I took that English has taken multiple words from a single foreign word, as with "gentle," "genteel," and "Gentile" (and probably "gentility" as well) from the same French word, being borrowed several different times at different periods.

[imwalde.livejournal.com]

"English: A language that lurks in dark alleys, beats up other languages and rifles through their pockets for spare vocabulary"
— James D. Nicoll

[teenygozer.livejournal.com]

Oily bread wrapped around almost any other type of food is always a hit in any ethnicity. There's a traditional Italian pizzeria up the corner from my mom's house in Brooklyn that sells an oily bread wrapped around spinach, around cheese and Italian sausage, or around peppers. Each version is delicious. (She also has a fabulous family-owned sushi place up the corner... typical eatin's Brooklyn!)

I once had a fabulous sweet sauerkraut mixed with sour dried cherries that was unlike any other sauerkraut I'd ever have: it was a Dutch/German restaurant in the Chicago area. I've purchased large glass jars of kosher sauerkraut (which does NOT taste like the stuff one puts on hotdogs) and cooked it up with dried cherries from Trader Joe's to approximate the taste and it worked out pretty well. Not a combo I'd have thought would work, but it really does.

[transtempts.livejournal.com]

I had a wrap/taco yesterday afternoon, and right now I am eating a croissant. :)

[akacat]

You just had to bring up the goddamn kolache, didn't you. Seriously, I think I would kill for one, if there was a decent one within a 50 mile radius of me, that is.

There was a shop in one of the Dallas suburbs that made them fresh every morning. You had to get there by 7a though, because they sold out fast. The little sausage ones were my favorite, but all of the fruit ones were good, too.

[cat-77.livejournal.com]

The kolaches sound good (says the part Polish girl). My fave of all time was in Greece – a soulvaki shop sold chicken wrapped in bacon, stuffed in a pita with tomatoes, lettuce, and fries (yes, fries!), liberally smeared with a sort of yogurt-type sauce thing. They said they delivered. We asked if they could send them to Minnesota.

Greece in general was an excellent food place – breakfast of twisted pastries with dark chocolate through the middle and a frappe, lunch of soulvaki, and dinner of 1001 types of lamb.

You’ve got me hungry now... I don’t know whether to curse you or thank you. :)

[nestra.livejournal.com]

Man, now I miss both kolaches and breakfast tacos. *sniffle*

I am eating homemade quiche for breakfast, so that's some comfort.

[imwalde.livejournal.com]

It's funny, I've never heard of kolaches (from MD/NoVa region, I've never ever ever seen a Polish/Czech restaurant) but I live in Austria at the moment, and we have something called Golatsches. Which if you say out loud is clearly the same word.

A lot of Austrian words for food that I had to learn since coming here (having studied German in Germany) are from the old Austro-Hungarian Hapsburg empire, and this must be one of them. I didn't know that, neat!

If you ever come to Vienna, get a Topfengolatsche. Topfen is sort of like the sweet cheese from cheesecake but slightly curdier, I don't really have a better description. But mmmmmmmmmmmm.

[chopchica.livejournal.com]

*eats taquitos in your honor*

[calligrafiti.livejournal.com]

>speaking as she who was forcing down terrifying saurkraut because I was told it was the food of my ancestors (this, I am convinced, is why they came to America circa Before Today; to get away from the saurkraut)

I'm convinced my Finnish ancestors immigrated for a similar reason—to wit, lutefisk.

And I'd rather die of salmonella poisoning than give up peanut butter cups.

[unrund.livejournal.com]

Your ancestors can not possibly have decided to immigrate because of Sauerkraut. It is delicious. OTOH they probably packed up because Sauerkraut is often served with smoked pork chop or pig leg so ....

If you try Suaerkraut some day, cook it with some pineapple pieces. It´s delicious.

*wanders of to see if there is Sauerkraut in the larder*

[grey-bard.livejournal.com]

Oh hey! Want the recipe for the kolache's tiny itty bitty Slovak relative*, the kiffle? Honest to goodness family recipe from my grandmother's Slovak immigrant parents.

* I, too, am a tiny itty bitty Slovak relative, I suppose, to anyone who shares blood with me, what with being 1/4 Slovak and under 5' tall, but I digress.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

YES I DO PLZ.

Copypaste to the rescue!

[grey-bard.livejournal.com]

The Family Kiffle Recipe

Kiffle dough

1 big package of cream cheese
1 stick of butter
1 stick of margerine
2 cups of flour
lemon rind

Mix all the above ingredients. Then roll them into individual balls (about 1” in diameter) and put them on a cookie tray. The next morning, roll them out individually on powdered sugar.

Bake at 350 F for about 20 minutes.

Note: In our family kiffles come in fruit and nut flavors. Personally, I prefer the fruit fillings, which consist of (drum roll please) jam. Jam is also easier. Jam stuck in a blender or food processor spreads even easier. The traditional kiffle fruit fillings are apricot jam and lekvar (prune jam).

But maybe you want to try the nut filling, too. Therefore:

Walnut filling for kiffles

Mix:
1 lb walnuts – ground fine
1 cup sugar per 1 lb of ground walnuts
3 egg whites beaten
1 tsp honey or vanilla


My Mom's Notes on kiffles:
Make the balls smaller, 5/8”. Once they are rolled out, put the filling in the middle, and roll the bottom edge of the dough up toward the top edge. Stop when you’re close enough to fold down the top edge of the dough over the top layer of the rolled kiffle like a lid. It looks like a sausage roll.

Baking the kiffles on cookie sheets covered in baking paper makes things easier when the fillings spill out a little.

[mad-jaks.livejournal.com]

I didn't think peanut butter cups were on the recall list??

[lucifer2004xx.livejournal.com]

ok, you made my day. when i read kolache, i thought wtf? koláče? in usa?! i never thought that they will be well liked in some other place than central europe.