they are stealthy, hiding behind the hickory farms display, waiting for you....

Spam

I had this weird nostalgic feeling while sorting my spam folder to make sure there was nothing there I wanted to keep. Which there's not. And the worst part is, it isn't even interestingly irritating.

In my day, we had Paris Hilton sex tapes and Britney Spears reveals all and gay schoolboys who really, really wanted it bad, along with pharmacies, penis enlargement, and Rolex. These days? Not so much.

I have to say, this generation of spammers disappoints me.

Mall Ninjas

I direct you to OTF_Wank for--okay, wait for it--Mall Ninjas. No. Really. No. Seriously. Mall Ninjas who save the ass virginity of young men.

No. REALLY. Mall ninjas who save the ass virginity of young men! And also stop those threats to the American way of life, people who double sample.

I--I love life today. I seriously, seriously love life.

ETA:

Quote:
Meanwhile, my ass is one the line so your fat butt can go to the mall and pick up the latest copy of “Computer Gaming Monthly” without getting jumped and sodomized in the mall bathroom.

I. I don't even know what to do with that.

Comments

[ratcreature]

Mall Ninjas who save the ass virginity of young men.

...what? (Sadly JF somehow won't load for me, so I can't check out the link.)

[svmadelyn.livejournal.com]

http://lonelymachines.org/mall-ninjas/ - that'll do it.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

It's so insane. *helpless*

[ratcreature]

I skimmed this, but I think I would think it funnier if I didn't find it so diconcerting how often your crazies come heavily armed... I mean, who knows when someone actually ends up living out his bizarre vigilante fantasies and shoots someone in a bathroom or whatever?

[vee-fic.livejournal.com]

I take comfort in the fact that this dude was being laughed at on a board dedicated to gun-nuts. Even the gun-nuts think he's crazy!

And actually, from the mania built into his descriptions, he appears to be the assault-weapons version of a Nice Guy (tm) -- waiting around in promising areas hoping that something will happen so that he can show his heroism. To start something himself would be anathema!

[ratcreature]

Yeah, but you know, sometimes people don't perceive reality like the rest, I mean more different than the regular perception differences even, which is mostly just a bit weird, like I once talked to someone living in my building who was convinced there were cockroaches all over their place and wanted me to join in some kind of complaint (I've never seen one in the house), and they had caught one, only clearly it wasn't even a cockroach, it was a small green bug, so I said that wasn't a cockroach, I even got out a book with pictures of insects and showed the page with cockroaches, thinking that surely that must clear this up if they didn't believe me, even showed the page with bugs which looked more or less like what they captured, which was some kind of leaf eating bug, but it was no use whatsoever, they still thought that was a cockroach and that their apartment was somehow invested.

So who knows what might happen if someone with a kind of delusional vigilante rescue fantasy stumbles across say a gay couple into consensual public bathroom sex for thrills, and doesn't react like a normal person, say ignoring it, or even calling security for lewd behavior if they are outraged or whatever, but shoots someone convinced he's rescuing a victim? And okay, stumbling across public sex isn't that likely but depending on how distorted his perception is even far more innocent situations may seem like some kind of gay assault to him.

I mean, like yesterday in the underground I saw a teenage boy/girl couple kind of roughhousing. I guess, and I stopped and looked, because at first glance from a bit away while walking by I wasn't sure everything was okay, because the guy was holding her arms over her head, and she seemed to try to get away, however then it became clear that she was laughing and there was tickling when I came closer, but at first I just heard shrieking and then saw the guy restraining a girl.

[vee-fic.livejournal.com]

Fair point. It's a little hard to tell whether it's a real maniac, or a fantasist trying to win approval of his hero-ideals, or if we're amazingly lucky it's somebody pulling a really elaborate joke. I tend to think of him as like Pusher, from that X-Files episode -- performative bravado unrelated to his real-life existence -- but there is a chance that he really does have a reality-perception issue.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Yes, but in this case, he's fetishizing the guns too hard. I worry less about the guys that cuddle their firearms and speak to them.

Though yes, point.

[svmadelyn.livejournal.com]

That link was like poetry.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

I KNOW!

[x-pixel-x.livejournal.com]

I have personally saved the ass-virginity of several young boys in my days. But there are many brave men like myself out there who risk their lives daily, so that boys like yourself can live a normal heterosexual life.

......I can't look away, it is so SHINY.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Yes. Yes it is.

[klo-the-hobbit.livejournal.com]

*loves her country with gun control* And I know you can argue that gun crime has increased in the last 10 years and all that jazz, but I am immensely comforted that nowhere in my building are THOSE people living with a legally owned arsenal. *shudders*
Hilarious and terrifying.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*dies* I used to go to school with a couple of guys whose families had a small arsenal.

[klo-the-hobbit.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure I've ever even SEEN a real gun up close. *tries to think* Ummm. Well, the weapons border patrols used to have when we drove across Europe. And there was a farmer down our road who used to hunt rabbits with a two-barreled shotgun. I think that would be the extent of my gun exposure.

[bruinsfan.livejournal.com]

Oy, this sounds all too familiar to me, as I recall my best friend trying to buy a Chinese assault rifle on the black market back when I was in college. Yes Einstein, it's really smart to attract the attention of the ATF when your stoner roommate probably has more grass stashed in his dresser than Snoop Dog.

Oh well, at least I'm fairly confident that when the kids and brother-in-law work his last nerve to the point of snapping, I won't be a target.

[amireal.livejournal.com]

Have a pony? (http://www.journalfen.net/community/fandom_wank/1156436.html)

[roguewords.livejournal.com]

also, that's some insane shit right there.

[roguewords.livejournal.com]

You know, I didn't realize that malls were that dangerous.


...

Yeah right.

[wrenlet.livejournal.com]

He sounds like that jackass who was all MUST DEFEND MY WEBSERVERS WITH GUNS during Hurricane Katrina.

[tropes.livejournal.com]

BTW A one time experiementation while in the military, does not make one a homosexual.

*WEEPS*

AMAZING.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Best. Crazy. Ever.

[121657.livejournal.com]

OMG... I couldn't stop myself from reading the whole thing. Amazing what some people think that others will believe. If you're going to lie, make it convincing!

[it is not Chechin thzat we have to worry about, it is the Australian militants, and I dan’t care if they reed this, they allready know that we are onto them and we will not give up.]
-Oh God! This guy has some serious problems.

[small of napalm in the evening breeze, as I crouch behind a shopping cart in the parking lot]
-Napalm?! In a MALL?!