oh john ringo no!

If that subject line does not take over the livejournals, there is no justice in the universe.

books to make my flist's heads explode: John Ringo by hradzka - what I need here is a new language to express my feelings.

Let me illustrate: last night, I had to stop reading every few paragraphs, because I was laughing so hard I was crying and unable to see the screen. At eleven at night, my son comes to my bedroom door with a dark look. I wiped my eyes shakily and hid the words Also, to take care of the trainers' needs, he brings in whores. LOOK, I TOLD YOU. HE ADOPTS THEM. LIKE CATS. while he peered at me hatefully from under dark blond bangs and said, "You woke me up."

I said, "I--" And continued to laugh. On the way out, he pointedly closed the door behind him. Let me just say, I will be suffering for that when I send him to bed tonight. It is so totally worth it.

From the author's review:

Yes, you will be horrified by a lot of this, because Mike Harmon's adventures are by turns awesomely horrific and horrifically awesome; I freely confess that I cannot stop reading these books, because *I have to see what Ringo does next.* I do, however, have a finely-tuned defense mechanism: whenever something trips my circuit breaker, causing me to cringe away from the page, I utter aloud a cry that resets my noggin. You will probably need it yourself, so I provide it here, as a public service: "OH JOHN RINGO NO."

This is 7695 words (yes, I word counted this after) of a book review that smashes all other book reviews. You are on top of the glass here people. You will feel feelings you never knew you had. You will re-read several paragraphs several times to make sure what you read is, indeed, what you read. Even though I will tell you now--yes. The first time, you read it right. You really did. But go ahead and do it again.

Awesome. Really freaking disturbing. As the reviewer states, this is Lord King Bad Vid of the novel world. I only suggest when you read, make sure it's nowhere you can hit your head when you sit up abruptly (eighty or so times) yelling those four words.

Oh John Ringo, no!

Comments

[nimnod.livejournal.com]

I just found that one too, this morning, reading through the Boobies post comments.

[lillian13.livejournal.com]

I think liz_marks posted about it first...I made the mistake of reading it at work and had my neighbor thinking I was dying of an allergy attack.

I am so glad I read it, because it completely reinforced my decision to Never. Read. Ringo. Again.

[brownbetty]

The part that really tops it off is that John Ringo stops by in the comments and ENDORSES THE REVIEW

[lydiabell.livejournal.com]

!!!

[seperis.livejournal.com]

The anon one? I was hoping that was actually him, because that just made it five million times better and I already have this bookmarked for bad days. Just saying those *words* suddenly makes the world better.

....I swear to God I am going to be yelling John Ringo's name every time something goes sideways when I don't expect it.

[brownbetty]

Yep. John Ringo links to that comment from his web page. You have to scroll down a bit, but it's the second item on the 23.

[tzikeh.livejournal.com]

What I love about his response is that he thinks because it's all unrealistic, that makes it all okay.

Also apparently the sun doesn't rise in the east in his world (trufax).

[brucelaidlow.livejournal.com]

It's all because I think of it as an act of love and (in my opinon) people who treated casually can't possibly be too worried about their feelings.

[stillane.livejournal.com]

That was the point at which I curled up laughing on the floor. The "OH JOHN RINGO HI!" that followed just finished me off. *is dead*

[apetslife.livejournal.com]

Oh my god. Oh, dear god. I seriously...after reading that, I couldn't tell if the howls were laughter or anguish. Oh my. HEE.

OH JOHN RINGO NO.

Brilliant.

[inthekeyofd.livejournal.com]

I *heart* these posts, I do!

They do though, make me think of some poor soul that got a master's degree in English from say NYU and can't even get their first article published.

OH JOHN RINGO NO!! That has got to be a new tag line, like when someone in a show does something bad, it has to be!

[lazar-grrl.livejournal.com]

I read that when liz marcs first posted the link. I laughed until soda came out of my nose. Seriously, I've read John Ringo (never the books reviewed) and like him; this review was just hilarious and somewhat embarrassing for it being for an author I like.

[everysecondtues.livejournal.com]

I read one of his series after my brother highly recommended it, and I thought that series was bad. Now when he tells me how John Ringo is apparently one of the best authors ever, I'll link him this review. Just, OH JOHN RINGO NO doesn't even cover it. D:

[niqaeli]

God, the horror. I knew Jim Baen was a businessman who always eyed the bottom line in the most practical way but I hadn't realised how very true that was until now, knowing he published this tripe only because he saw a market for it.

He's still my hero for getting into e-publishing and all that and showing that it makes more money but it's just all sort of tainted now. Next thing you know I'll find out that Eric Flint rapes puppies or something. *cries*

OH JOHN RINGO NO.

[perspi.livejournal.com]

Thank you for the link. OH JOHN RINGO NO is definitely going in my arsenal.

I totally lost it here: It's alternately guilty pleasure fun and OH JOHN RINGO NO, but it never hits GHOST's level of JESUS CHRIST IT'S A LION GET IN THE CAR.

[fyrdrakken]

Which is worse -- that I didn't recognize the name John Ringo until I got to the line about bringing in the whores for the trainers because I have read that book, or that I didn't recognize his name despite having been astonished by how presentable he is in person, since I was at a panel he was on at D*C last year shortly after I'd read the book in question and was prepared for him to be a slavering jackass. Indeed, that series is his personal badfic.

OH JOHN RINGO NO

[j00j.livejournal.com]

I cannot stop reading this review. It is too insane. Just... o_O Truly this is the Lord King Bad Profic.

Also, he and Frank Miller should get together and write something. It's the only way this could have even more of a JESUS CHRIST IT'S A LION GET IN THE CAR factor.

[auburnnothenna.livejournal.com]

I read and I wept, OH JOHN RINGO NO, because I have read that book (well, one, Kildar -- look, I was sick, I was curled up in my bed with expresso chocolate bars and paperbacks, but plastic surgery has removed the scars on my psyche) and it's all true, the character collects whores and names them for Disney characters. Personally, I'm going to treasure Whoreverine until I die.

The very best part, though, is Ringo himself commenting and saying he gave up on reality for the series, so he'll even have the sun rise in the east if he wants.

Obviously, he does.

But it reminded me of what I always muttered about one uncle: if he told me the sun rose in the east, I'd look for it in the west the next morning.

[cleito.livejournal.com]

OH, JOHN RINGO, NO!

I must have this on a t-shirt. I've not read these books (Rogue Warrior is my guilty pleasure) but the review and author in the comments wins the internets.

[everysecondtues.livejournal.com]

My brother loves John Ringo. I thought the book series he had me read was maybe an anomaly in its blatant and unrelenting sexism and misogyny. Apparently not.

[everysecondtues.livejournal.com]

And you can tell what kind of day I've had in that I apparently COMPLETELY FORGOT that I'd already commented. *headdesk*

[hradzka.livejournal.com]

I really don't think I can adequately explain my thanks and appreciation for such kind words. I'm glad that so many people have had such a positive reaction, and your post in particular is just absolutely overwhelming. Fandom's given me lots of happy over the years, so I'm glad to give some back. And I'm surprised and delighted that people find OH JOHN RINGO NO useful in contexts outside of John Ringo.

The part that amazes me is that lots of people have requested OH JOHN RINGO NO t-shirts. So we're doing it as a charity fundraiser. I'm looking for fan artists to contribute designs; the proceeds will go to the Helen Bamber Foundation, which does a lot of work helping women who've been forced into prostitution. Much like John Ringo's hero. Except without taking them off to a caravanserai in Georgia and OH JOHN RINGO NO.

(John Ringo has endorsed the charity thing, which is very nice of him. He and his fans have been great sports.)

[svmadelyn.livejournal.com]

Oh wow, what a fantastic idea for the t-shirts! If you would like any pimping help with artists/buyers, please let me know. (Also, so buying one of those t-shirts.) I've already told Jenn she is to buy me these stories for my birthday. (I'm uh, kind of a lost cause when it comes to badfic. Er. Badprofic, in this case.)

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*g* I've gotten my mom saying it after I directed her to your review. It's hysterical.

The charity is a great idea. I'm at your service for any spreading of the word and also, buying a few of those. Please tell me if there's anything I can do to help.