disney does tudor

I almost feel bad for laughing so hard.

This movie would be epic. And very, very, very wrong.

(Hint: Kathryn Howard does not end well, either.)



Technically speaking, his wives went in pairs: 1 and 4 were divorced, 2 and 5 were beheaded, and 3 and 6 died in childbirth (though the sixth in childbirth with her second husband's kid, not his). It's a weird and disturbing symmetry symmetry.

I still wonder what about Anne of Cleves was so--whatever that he had to divorce on the spot. It's like the mystery of Philippe II of France's second wife, Ingeborg of Denmark; you have to wonder.



Also of note and joy:

The End of the Story, more period romance! Many period romances! And a metatextual examination of why we love them.

Comments

[nagasvoice]

Ooh, that is evol! I once read some fictional take on Anne of Cleves that she was a great awkward cow of a woman (by contemporary standards) who was made to look really terrible by jealous ladies in waiting, and Henry saw her at her worst from the start, and thereafter avoided her. Sorry, can't recall the writer after all this time...but in this story he came to realize she wasn't stupid, and was good company, and he even eventually made friends with her, as they both got old. This seems a bit unlikely to me, but I'm not reading letters or pipe rolls or whatever as historical crosschecks on it, either.

[twistedchick]

The way I was taught to remember them was 'divorced, beheaded, died, divorced, beheaded, survived.' According to what I've heard, Henry never met Anne of Cleves until the day they were married -- he saw her portrait and decided she'd be suitable -- and she was built large (his ladies were more petite), tall and bigboned and just plain wasn't interested in him or impressed by him. She wasn't going to bear him a child (though he had three legit and a dozen more that weren't) and he couldn't bring himself to get it up for her, so he ended it.

[meigui]

I dunno that it's too odd--childbirth was a pretty common death in the days before modern medicine. As for the others--Catherine of Aragon and Anne of Cleves were both foreign princesses while Anne Boleyn and Catherine Howard were both English nationals, so presumably he'd be a little more leery offing the former two than the latter. The pressures that drove him to marry were also cyclical--politics in his early life, and politics again after his son was born, but his political marriages were both sexually unsatisfactory to him, which led him to choose his subsequent wives for sex/babies.

ALSO, THAT'S AN AMAZING VID. But... is that Odette from the Swan Princess? That wasn't Disney, was it?

[aurora]

Ahahaha, wow that trailer!

[sami]

Pretty much that he thought Anne of Cleves was ugly. He asked a courtier if they'd brought back a horse instead of a woman by mistake, and called her the "Flanders Mare".

Henry VIII was a shallow jerk ARE YOU SHOCKED I KNOW I AM SHOCKED

[mardia.livejournal.com]

I still wonder what about Anne of Cleves was so--whatever that he had to divorce on the spot.

Historians have been trying to figure this out for YEARS, seriously. One of the longest-running theories is that Hans Holbein, who painted her portrait, basically did the 16th century version of airbrushing and covered up some major flaws. (The historians who go with this idea like to ignore the fact that Holbein was hired specifically BY Henry to paint this portrait, was one of the most famous court painters in history, and presumably knew enough about Henry to know this was a guy you didn't want to piss off.) A more recent theory is that it was a matter of manners/fluency--the cultures of England and the duchy that Anne was from were WILDLY different. Plus, Kathryn Howard was in the background from the very beginning, and as history has shown, Henry VIII was not a dude with much impulse control.

Sorry, history major who took several classes on the Tudors and has read nearly all of Philippa Gregory's novels, despite the crazy inaccuracies.

[burntcopper.livejournal.com]

wasn't one of them that washing was coming into vogue in parts of Europe and Cleeves wasn't one of them?

Mind you, of all of henry's wives, i'd like to be Anne. Got divorced, got given really quite decent alimony and house, became a hostess and didn't have to deal with the crazy court politics after that.

Also, the Howards were majorly pushing for another of their daughters on the throne after Anne fell short. Wasn't all Henry eyeing her up, the Howards were shoving her at him.

[mardia.livejournal.com]

Oh, absolutely--Anne got the best deal by FAR out of all the wives. Not only did she, you know, get to LIVE, she got good alimony, independence, and lived for a LONG time.

And yeah, that's true--the Howards were absolutely pushing Henry to marry another one of their daughters. You'd think they'd have learned from the last time, jeez.

[taraljc.livejournal.com]

I love the fact that they used Odette from The Swan Princess.

[nrrrdy-grrrl.livejournal.com]

I want all the action figures.

[cobweb-diamond.livejournal.com]

[cjandre.livejournal.com]

Ahahahaha! I saw the Disney/Tudors the other day when you were posting about the Borges - I thought it was especially odd that I could get to Twisted Disney from the Borges trailer - somehow it was just. so. wrong.

But I died! I think it is one of the best alternate trailers I've seen.

:-)

[thepouncer.livejournal.com]

"Divorced, beheaded, died. Divorced, beheaded, survived." I can't remember most of their names beyond Catherine of Spain and Anne Boleyn (there's a family legend that we descend from her sister).

Church of England so Henry could take another wife and ensure the succession, and then it's Elizabeth the unwanted girl who rules brilliantly.

[delle.livejournal.com]

The Animaniacs! I love that particular skit.

[ladyholder.livejournal.com]

Oh, that was insanely wacky. Thank you for sharing that. I may never see those movies the same again!

~L

[reddwarfer.livejournal.com]

lol. That was hilarious. Only thing that tweaked me was that there was definitely a Swan Princess in there, even after showing a clip of Sleeping Beauty. Swan Princess wasn't a Disney movie. (I am sorta insane about Sleeping Beauty. I should own stock due to how much merch I own.)

Still, hilarious.