so how do you answer?

Having started reading Savage Love, it's now impossible for me to stop, which is how I have learned about many new and interesting things involving honey, household appliances, a high pain threshhold, and how all of those things can go together.

It's fascinating and interestingly informative. And I'll be honest--it answers questions I never thought to ask, mostly due to the fact I never knew they existed. I read each one in a kind of curiosity, wondering what the answer will be this time. (And weirdly, I rarely disagree with him flat out.)

However, there is always a waterloo.

Clueless

When we don't respond to a question, the reader who sent it thinks, "He/she doesn't care," or "He/she is too busy," or "He/she thought my question wasn't interesting." When the reality may be that he/she has no fucking clue.

I almost think it's someone's duty out there to answer this one:



Question:
What would we use to cool the burn should the application of Tabasco sauce to her anus or clit prove to be too much for her to endure?

...yeah. I was--God help me--thinking that milk might do it? I know bread does it for jalapenos, but I just can't see asking your lover to stay still while you run for the Rainbow bread, you know? Tabasco is technically an acid (yes?) so a heavy base might do it? Maybe a good idea is to get the test tubes out and start testing for neutralizing agents?



This concludes Jenn Needs to Get Out More, because I had no idea that tabasco sauce was the new hot thing. Nor, really, did I want to.

ETA: And the suggestions are in!



In order of posting, sort of:

1.) milk - (4) seperis, sociofemme, mamadeb, text_isle (with anecdote!)
2.) cream - (1) sociofemme
3.) dairy (general) - (3) carloton97, niqaeli, janne_d
4.) yoghurt - (7) lehanra, niqaeli, cold_poet, ascetic_hedony, mz_bstone*, grammarwoman, redblue
5.) sour cream - (2) mamadeb, mmmchelle
6.) milk of magnesia - (1) mireille719
7.) alcohol - (2) rishabree, deadlychameleon
8.) toothpaste - (1) toft_froggy
9.) aloe - (1) rogue_planet
10.) menthol - (1) rogue_planet
11.) butter** - (2) adannu, seperis
12.) baby oil (1) - sapote3

*also, an icepack. I'd agree and add vicodin
**Butter shouldn´t be used when it comes to the anus. If it goes into the intestinal track you will get diarrhea which is also the reason why it shouldn´t be used as lube in anal play. -- redblue

Comments

[sociofemme.livejournal.com]

I was thinking milk, maybe? Or cream? I read that column earlier today and it definitely made me wince.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Oh good, it's not jsut me that jumped to milk on that one. I couldn't figure out why, except I do have milk around when I eat anything hot.

*twitch* Yeah. There was this second of remembering something I'd read about the recreational use of icyhot.

[carleton97.livejournal.com]

Anything with a high fat content would do it, I'd think, since that's how dairy works to soothe a pepper burn; the fat molecules surround the capsaicin and separate it from the skin.

(thank god for Elton Brown!)

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*grins* Ooh, butter. With the fat? That would work very well. And for dual purposes.

[lehanra.livejournal.com]

Yoghurt? I always ave some in my fridge.

And I so don't need the mental image.

Also, Dan Savage seems to think bisexuality doesn't really exist but he is funny and smart so I still like him.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Yoghurt sounds good too, with the fat and dairyness.

He doesn't? Huh.

[niqaeli]

As been answered by others, anything with a high fat content should work--dairy is the usual. It's why lassi is such a good drink to have on hand when eating Indian; it's a yogurt-delivery system (mm, mango and yogurt smoothie).

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Now I'm hungry. *wistful*

[vee-fic.livejournal.com]

In the annals of Things I Will Never Have to Experience Myself...

I guess I'm glad somebody can come up with an answer, but, I'm a zillion times gladder I'm not the somebody asking the question.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

I've never really glanced over the condiments thusly. I'm kind of tempted to open the refrigerator and contemplate the erotic potential of mustard.

[mamadeb.livejournal.com]

Mythbusters apparently tested that out (using *mouths*, of course) and milk wins.

Sour cream is, um. Less runny.

...wow

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Mythbusters are officially awesome.

[janne-d.livejournal.com]

Owwwwwww!

Chiming in to agree on the dairy products. Capsaicin is a long organic molecule, so you need other organics to lift it. Anything water based won't really help as the capsaicin will be hydrophobic in nature.

And I really wouldn't go for a strong base, even if tabasco was acidic. Imagine if you didn't quite apply it to the exact same place *winces* Then you could have two types of burns. I'd say pretty much any acid or base would have a safety data sheet that says "wash with copious amounts of water" in case of contact.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

I was thinking food-based bases--yeah, wouldn't be too keen on bleach or--wow, second time today I've had a full body twitch.

*winces*

[summertea.livejournal.com]

ohmygod.

D:

[seperis.livejournal.com]

I feel this should be a badfic.

[risha]

I believe that it's also soluble in alcohol? So some beer might do the trick.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Hmm. Alcohol does have a slight burn, but it does sound logical if after the tabasco is removed you wash with water.

[mmmchelle.livejournal.com]

I'm laughing in ways that are scaring my family. I suspect I may have been getting out too much of late.

Also, the spouse suggests sour cream might work. /g/ It does in Mexican restaurants.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*grins*

I should ETA with teh suggested list now. So far, all the ideas are logical.

[toft-froggy.livejournal.com]

Maybe toothpaste?

I LOVE Savage Love. It's so addictive.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*wipes eyes* My flist is made of win right now.

Toothpaste has a tingle to it too, doesn't it?

[rogue-planet.livejournal.com]

... Thanks, now I just spent two hours reading over at Savage Love, and there are PLOT BUNNIES running rampant.

On the other hand, aloe? Menthol?

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*Grins* I KNOW. IT IS LIKE A DO IT YOURSLEF SLASH MANUAL!

[cold-poet.livejournal.com]

I...wow. I did not know that.

Um. They make creams and lubes and all sorts of sensitive-area safe stuff for those who like the burn...no need to use condiments people. Sheesh.

(Is there context for that? Like maybe they've been building up, using milder agents? Other more experienced people have suggested it is *good* to use? I am AGOG. Tabasco? Jesus. I thought *I* was kinky.)

[cold-poet.livejournal.com]

Also - I suggest yogurt, the plain kind. And depending on if the Tabasco goes into the orifice, a douche or enema to help remove the trace specks of chili powder where it will stick to the mucous.

[ascetic-hedony.livejournal.com]

Yoghurt came to mind, possibly because I've heard of it being safely used in that area.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Yoghurt does seem really logical. And easy to have on hand for quick and later tasty use.

[mz-bstone.livejournal.com]

I would say you don't put tabasco near mucous membranes. But I'm oddly practical that way.

But if you must -- yoghurt, and an icepack.

B

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Yeahhh. Call me vanilla, but I just kind of want the condiments and spices to stay in the food, you know?

I like the icepack addition. And a painkiller, maybe.

[thepouncer.livejournal.com]

Jesus Christ. This reminds me of the Lube of HORROR discussion you instigated a while back.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*bites lip* Just think if tabasco sauce had been on the list?

[grammarwoman]

Considering that another use for yoghurt is to treat a yeast infection...I'd vote for it.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

It does sound the most logical and least expensive.

*mulls*

[emrinalexander.livejournal.com]

Hot sauce on ...

Just...wow, there goes any desire I have to eat spicey food, though this would be a basis for a hilarious SGA story, if Rodney got tobasco sauce somewhere about his person...

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*bites lip very hard* It really would be--something there.

*starts giggling* Oh man. That would be epic.

[auroramama]

Some things are hard to imagine if you haven't been there. (There's even a few mental states that are hard to imagine when you're not there, no matter how many times you've been there before.) Being bisexual, or being not at all bisexual, seem to be like that. A lot of people just have trouble imagining being the other. This is (I speculate) the cause of stereotypical bad manners on both sides. Newly bi folk announcing that they're too evolved to love based on mere genitalia. Het canards about bisexuality as a way of doubling your chance of getting lucky (it's actually a way to double your chance of having an unrequited crush). The not unnatural conviction of those who just weren't ready to come all the way out that anyone who claims to be bi is in the same position they were. All perfectly reasonable when it's hard to believe in any other state of being.

[loriel-eris.livejournal.com]

I may never be able to even think about sex again. I think I've come across Savage Love before (and read some of it) but I only vaguely remember. I'm currently comparing the website to a train wreck - nothing good can come of my reading the columns, but I can't look away. I may be scarred for life. *headdesk*

[seperis.livejournal.com]

It's fun! And informative. And educational.

[sapote3.livejournal.com]

Capsican being one of the primary components of pepper spray, pepper spray folk remedies might work.

1) Everyone says to seriously irrigate the area, though there's going to be the risk of moving the stuff upwards further into vagina or anus, so, running water across, not a squirt bottle.
2) Street medics at protests often carry down watered-down Maalox for eyes and mouth; that's the same principle as toothpaste, but I'd imagine squirting something that basic (and sugary) all over your ladybits is just asking for future trouble. (This site mentions the genitalia (http://blackcrosscollective.org/firstaidinfo/pepperhome/pszremedies/law)).
3) A remedy from both cooking and non-cooking spheres is to get whatever it is to bind with an oil (baby oil has been suggested) and then use rubbing alcohol or soap to remove it.

Also, ow and wtf. No, really. WTF.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Oooh, nice. I like your research!

*adds to list*

[text-isle.livejournal.com]

My husband was cooking in his boxers, as he does sometimes. And there's that opening in the boxers, and apparently his penis was not entirely tucked away... So of course some fresh jalapeno juice sprayed across his torso and a tiny amount landed on his penis. He didn't notice immediately, but within a few seconds he realized something was very, very wrong. Thinking quickly, he poured himself a glass of milk and dunked his penis in it. It seemed to do the trick. :D

[unrund.livejournal.com]

How American Pie :)
That mental image just made my days *amused*

[unrund.livejournal.com]

Butter shouldn´t be used when it comes to the anus. If it goes into the intestinal track you will get diarrhea which is also the reason why it shouldn´t be used as lube in anal play.
I have to concur with all the other who advised yoghurt.
.... wow, the information my brain comes up with is really scary.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Huh. I did not know that.

*makes note*

Oh man. I have read fic using butter as lube! *twitch*

[everysecondtues.livejournal.com]

. . . I have learned so much from livejournal posts. So very much.

A friend on another journal had posted a link to another of his articles. He is pretty funny in some posts, though I'm not sure that I would follow him closely.