seperis | it's really just something you don't expect to hear

My dad is very blue collar conservative, which is something that has bewildered me since I realized what platform Reagan ran under, yet he voted for Clinton the first time around, yet he listens to Rush Limbaugh like a religious figure. My dad, he is legion.

He's also hysterical.

Today, he eagerly awaited TMZ so as to catch up on news of the Jamie Lynn Spears pregnancy while debating with my two sisters whether or not Britney, too, was knocked up again.

There's a second of surreality that comes with this, since it also came up at work. My boss, staring mournfully into the distance of the cubicle farm (cubicle nation, even), murmurs, "Who would have thought anything could make Kevin Federline look like a responsbile, sober individual?"

....who are these people and what have they done with my father and my boss????

Suffice to say, tomorrow, we're going pod-hunting. I saw on TV they usually are piled in easily accessed storage rooms or beneath desks, and I filed away that useful bit of sci-fi trivia just for a day like this. Does anyone remember how to take out the pods, or will a letter opener, a staple gun, and a grim expression do the trick?

I need to lie down now.

Quotes

If you don't send me feedback, I will sob uncontrollably for hours on end, until finally, in a fit of depression, I slash my wrists and bleed out on the bathroom floor. My death will be on your heads. Murderers
. -- Unknown, on feedback
BTS List
That's why he goes bad, you know -- all the good people hit him on the head or try to shoot him and constantly mistrust him, while there's this vast cohort of minions saying, We wouldn't hurt you, Lex, and we'll give you power and greatness and oh so much sex...
Wow. That was scary. Lex is like Jesus in the desert.
-- pricklyelf, on why Lex goes bad
LJ
Obi-Wan has a sort of desperate, pathetic patience in this movie. You can just see it in his eyes: "My padawan is a psychopath, and no one will believe me; I'm barely keeping him under control and expect to wake up any night now to find him standing over my bed with a knife!"
-- Teague, reviewing "Star Wars: Attack of the Clones"
LJ
Beth: god, why do i have so many beads?
Jenn: Because you are an addict.
Jenn: There are twelve step programs for this.
Beth: i dunno they'd work, might have to go straight for the electroshock.
Jenn: I'm not sure that helps with bead addiction.
Beth: i was thinking more to demagnitize my credit card.
-- hwmitzy and seperis, on bead addiction
AIM, 12/24/2003
I could rape a goat and it will DIE PRETTIER than they write.
-- anonymous, on terrible writing
AIM, 2/17/2004
In medical billing there is a diagnosis code for someone who commits suicide by sea anenemoe.
-- silverkyst, on wtf
AIM, 3/25/2004
Anonymous: sorry. i just wanted to tell you how much i liked you. i'd like to take this to a higher level if you're willing
Eleveninches: By higher level I hope you mean email.
-- eleveninches and anonymous, on things that are disturbing
LJ, 4/2/2004
silverkyst: I need to not be taking molecular genetics.
silverkyst: though, as a sidenote, I did learn how to eviscerate a fruit fly larvae by pulling it's mouth out by it's mouthparts today.
silverkyst: I'm just nowhere near competent in the subject material to be taking it.
Jenn: I'd like to thank you for that image.
-- silverkyst and seperis, on more wtf
AIM, 1/25/2005
You know, if obi-wan had just disciplined the boy *properly* we wouldn't be having these problems. Can't you just see yoda? "Take him in hand, you must. The true Force, you must show him."
-- Issaro, on spanking Anakin in his formative years
LJ, 3/15/2005
Aside from the fact that one person should never go near another with a penis, a bottle of body wash, and a hopeful expression...
-- Summerfling, on shower sex
LJ, 7/22/2005
It's weird, after you get used to the affection you get from a rabbit, it's like any other BDSM relationship. Only without the sex and hot chicks in leather corsets wielding floggers. You'll grow to like it.
-- revelininsanity, on my relationship with my rabbit
LJ, 2/7/2006
Smudged upon the near horizon, lapine shadows in the mist. Like a doomsday vision from Watership Down, the bunny intervention approaches.
-- cpt_untouchable, on my addition of The Fourth Bunny
LJ, 4/13/2006
Rule 3. Chemistry is kind of like bondage. Some people like it, some people like reading about or watching other people doing it, and a large number of people's reaction to actually doing the serious stuff is to recoil in horror.
-- deadlychameleon, on class
LJ, 9/1/2007
If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, then Fan Fiction is John Cusack standing outside your house with a boombox.
-- JRDSkinner, on fanfiction
Twitter
I will unashamedly and unapologetically celebrate the joy and the warmth and the creativity of a community of people sharing something positive and beautiful and connective and if you don’t like it you are most welcome to very fuck off.
-- Michael Sheen, on Good Omens fanfic
Twitter, 6/19/2019
Adding for Mastodon.
-- Jenn, traceback
Fosstodon, 11/6/2022

I think the letter opener and staple gun should be enough, but imo, a grim expression when hunting aliens is always appropriate.

*looks into the distance* If I don't come back, remember me. And have an online vigil. With porn.

What other kind of online vigil is there?

A very, very bad one. My spirit will prefer the dirtier the better.

It's been a long since I saw Invasion of the Body-Snatchers, but I wanna say that you need fire.

Good luck hunting!

Ooh. And this means I can also say "Kill it! KILL IT WITH FIRE." And be totally in context and on topic.

My life? Officially complete.

...and love is fire too.

There are no words...really...

I've been trying to repress.

I think you need a flame thrower. In a pinch, you might be able to make do with a can of hairspray and a lighter.

Ooh. McGyverism!

And I thought it was weird when I had the following conversation with my dad, who, you should understand, is a high-minded intellectual type always trying to get me to read the classics.

DAD: Have you read this vampire book?
ME: No, I'm in the middle of the Pallisers--
DAD: Oh, you've got to. It's the bomb.
ME: I... okay, but after Trollope I'm going on to Dumas, and... (trails off)
DAD: (stares blankly)
DAD: The. Bomb.

(For the record, it was The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova.)

You're doing it again, zelempa, talking Trollope!

Okay, I'm taking this as a sign from God that my next serious project should be to choose a novel by Trollope (of which I have several at hand, and organized, too!) and start reading!

As for Seperis' original post about her dad - wow! I thought I'd heard everything when my dad, many years ago, let me and my husband know that he watched pro wrestling! If you knew my dad (he's gone now), you'd know how incredibly unbelievable this was to me!

Love, max

P.S. - My dad believed it was REAL! Love, max

A spray bottle with something ordinary like salt water should do the trick. If that doesn't work, try something citrusy like lemonade.

*makes note* I will need this, I think.

Road flares, dude. You totally need road flares.

*enchanted* Now that is guaranteed to be *fun*.

it's really just something you don't expect to hear

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