mmmhappy

Sometimes, I want to bang on a story until it just--works. I mean, print it out, sit it on my bed, and *jump* until either it's a crumpled mess or I gain enlightment through ink absorption through the soles of my feet. And you know, I think it just might work.

After a scary few days of oh my God die everyone (people, I was going to re-read Smallville story Grail's Immortality. The one that guts you slowly with a spoon? Remember that one? The one I have yet, after *four years*, to be able to read again?) and that, people, *that* is when you know you either need to admit you have a problem and go rewatch the end of Titanic, or invest in weapons grade chocolate.

I'd like you all to meet Duncan Hines, who is my new tasty best friend. Sanity at a dollar forty five plus eggs, oil, and water.

Regaining my sense of humor, I'm re-reading Refraction. The problem I'm having is--I have *read this*. I know I have. I mean, I remember going into hugely excited convulsions--PLOT! ACTION! GOA'ULD! PLOT! I'm a plot whore. But I don't remember *any of it*, and seriously, I suck at so many things, but my memory for fanfic is like ninety-nine percent. I can remember things I read in *Voyager*. I can *quote* things I read in Voyager still. So....

*shakes head* It's all brand new. Please excuse me. I'm going to purr now.

ADDED: Okay, now that luvmax1 has weighed in with Koi's Mercy--what's the story you can't read again? It did horrible things to you (in a good fic way, not a never-will-think-of-corn-oil-the-same-way way), it broke your heart, it required epic chocolate, etc.

Comments

[luvmax1.livejournal.com]

For me, the story I can't bear to reread is Koi's "Mercy". That one just gets me everytime.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

I can totally see that. It--hurts me. I have to *skim* to get through bits, and it *hurts* like hell. The ending makes up for it mostly, but getting there--God. Yeah.

[celli]

The one Auburn wrote, SGA, where the team gets sort of absorbed into each other's minds? And they're so completely alone when it's reversed and nobody around them gets it. It's so good, and I'll never go near it again.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Oh God, that one--that was yeah, that place. I just wanted to cry at the end. That one and her Rosebud. *sighs*

[adannu.livejournal.com]

Te's Past Grief. That one tore me apart. And Koi's Mercy, too.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*grins* Oh man, Past Grief--I love that one, and it *stuck* to me for--well, even now. God.

[disprove.livejournal.com]

Leave No Scar by Nifra and Yellow Means Slow by Pru. I had to look for scary happy-happy-joy-joy music after that in an attempt to put a stop to the hysterical sobbing over my poor keyboard.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*twitch* Yes. Oh yeah.

[cathexys.livejournal.com]

Kat Allison's End of the Road. It's DS and noone dies...and yet :-)

Though Immortality and Mercy are darn good contenders for me as well!

(and I think I can handle the devastating if it's short enough that they are my guys but in a more general sense and thus I can make it up with another story...but if the story's long I get invested in *that version* and it's more upsetting...)

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Longer tends to--yeah, you get caught up too much in that universe. And once you do....

*nods* With you.

[sylvertongue.livejournal.com]

Pru's Edges.

Only I have lines from it burned into my brain, and so I don't even have to read it for it to break me. Dammit.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

...I still haven't read that one. I'm saving it for a really *really* need-pain-now day. Cause whoa, it will hurt.

[adannu.livejournal.com]

Speaking of which, are you following her Three Fates series?

[adannu.livejournal.com]

Grr. That was supposed to be in the Auburn discussion. *pokes LJ*

Funny you should ask...

[dacey.livejournal.com]

Like everyone else in the world, I was emotionally wrecked by Syne's Freedom's Just Another Word for Nothing Left to Lose (http://synecdochic.livejournal.com/61471.html), which ripped my guts out, wrestled them to the ground and stomped the crap out of them to the point that I *literally* required chocolate to function. I even took a picture (http://dacey.livejournal.com/1006887.html?mode=reply) to capture the moment of my complete emotional fall out.

The only other thing I've encountered that wrecked me to that extent was your Atlantis Project AU, which I devoured, cluelessly going along, happy as a clam until I hit the end and then I just sat there totally numb and blinking and thinking, "okay, wait. WAIT! What just happened here? NO NO NO..." at which point I was so upset I had to drive down the street to the 24 hour Walgreens at 1:15 a.m. for a bag of miniature Reeses Peanut Butter Cups, which I ate most of while in a fetal position on my couch, cursing my friend who pimped me into this fandom. I'm telling you, I love those three stories beyond measure -- like, top five AU EVER in any fandom -- but wow. I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to read them again. I couldn't stop thinking about them for days.

So um...you don't know me by the way, but you do have significant feedback coming from me very soon on a multitude of stories. I'm new to the SGA neighborhood, so it's very nice to meet you. : )

Re: Funny you should ask...

[djinanna.livejournal.com]

I'm still refusing to believe Jenn's Altantis Project AU is finished. There will be a next part where happiness happens. There will. There will. ::clicks ruby-red slippers together:: It just hasn't been written yet. And that will *remain* my take on it until it does get written. Or Death. Whichever happens first.

[marici.livejournal.com]

You really /don't/ want to go there, but Benway's stories (http://www.comicfic.net/fic/benway/index.htm) take the cake, drag it through the mud, kill it horribly, and make you visualize it all with crystal clarity.

[marici.livejournal.com]

Actually, I can't recall ever having had the guts to re-read Handful of Dust, either, but the thing with Benway is that I've read two, maybe three of them and now I take the temptation to go back for any of the others as a sign I need to sleep, or maybe call home and talk to my mom.

[aello-lime.livejournal.com]

From SG1 - Willemakee (http://www.geocities.com/honnaleed/willemakee.html) by Mary Jane makes me teary just thinking about it.

re:Willemakee

[kick211.livejournal.com]

Yes!!!
I have an old hard drive filled with SG-1.
It's what got me into FF.
Read it again and nooooooooooo.
Jack-Daniel. Good to read and drink.

[suzvoy.livejournal.com]

Maybe I'm a sick Suz, but I *love* re-reading Immortality. It tears me to pieces, but I love it.

Yeah, I'm a sick Suz. I'm also an angst!whore ;D

There's a QAF fic where the ending just...GAH! I don't have the link here, but I'll find it later and post it.

[claire.livejournal.com]

I'm seconding cathexys's vote of katallison's The End of the Road. So, so good, but I could never read it again.

[teneagles.livejournal.com]

Oh, god, Mercy. I re-read that every once in a while, and it's like being kicked in the stomach every single time. Y'know, in a good way.

I've never again made it all the way through basingstoke's Big Rock Candy Mountain (http://www.ravenswing.com/~bas/slash/andrewcover.html) -- it just rips me up. Likewise, rivkat's Ceremony of Innocence (http://www.rivkat.com/smallville/ceremony.html). Oh. And that SGA thing rageprufrock wrote, where Rodney cheats on John, which traumatised me so badly I've blocked the title from my mind? That one, too.

Of course, now I have the perverse urge to go and try to read all of those again...

[saturnalia.livejournal.com]

I just read Big Rock Candy Mountain for the first time last night (I stupidly didn't realise how long it was at first and wound up staying awake until 2am because OMG MUST KNOW HOW IT ENDS) snd I can second that one so much right now. *twitch*

Also, Directional Theory (the Rodney cheats on John story) has the dubious honour of being the first fic that made me cry without anyone actually dying, being tortured, etc.

[roguewords.livejournal.com]

Mine's an X-Men story. Caducity by vagabond_sal. http://community.livejournal.com/xmmff/52244.html (I'd put the actual link in, but it'll just be messed up.)

It's...

I can't even read it.

It's in my memories, for when I can. If ever. I lost my grandfather to the effects of Alzethimers. *i'm starting to cry now*

There have been alot of fics that touched me, made me cry. Broke me apart and put me back together.

this one breaks me apart without me even reading it. I'm kinda scared of the day that I will be able to read it. And yet, I think I'm going to try.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Oh man. *winces* I--*bookmarks it warily*

[digitalwave]

I still cry every time I reread Yellow Means Slow by Pru. I don't sob as badly as I did that first time it ripped out my heart but, yeah, I still tear up no matter what at the end.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

I *Still* have not read that. Pru hurts me when she's trying to be happy, you know? So no Pru-death-fic. Just no.

[djinanna.livejournal.com]

*IMMORTALITY*

Oh. My. God. *whimpers*

In this house, that is The Fic That Shall Not Be Named. I was, like, totally out of the loop on SV meta type stuff, I had No Idea the story didn't have a last-minute save happy ending. I was just reading along, waiting for the last-minute save happy ending, reading along, waiting, reading along, waiting, reading alo--The End?! WTF?!

I have never had such a reaction to a fic. It was not cathartic. I went and hid in the bathroom - regardless of the facts that (1) I live alone, and (2) it was 4am by the time I finished the story - and cried for, like an hour. In the bathroom.

The cats were, like, all scared for me and stuff. Max even pushed his way into the bathroom to comfort me. (That is not my subtle way of saying "nya-nya, cats are more cuddlesome than rabbits" because, well, of my three current cats? The one I've had the longest - 12+ years? - is still feral and will not let me get close to her, let along touch her. After 12+ years. So you get this kind of anti-human sentiment all through the animal kingdom.)

*Immortality*

*shudder*

In comparison? Mercy is a happy fic.

::goes off to read The Further Adventures of John And Rodney in Varoius Fanfic as a healing balm for the trauma of remembering Immortality *whimper*::

[djinanna.livejournal.com]

ps - Clark+Lex=TrueLoveForever!!!!!

*sob*

re:Mmmm happy

[kick211.livejournal.com]

Hey,
While getting ready for my "If I only had a brain scan" I did a quick check to see if your footsies absorbed more LANDSCAPE (very subtle hint).
The fic that got me was "Golgotha" by paperbkryter. I keep it in my "Fave Fic" folder, but it's a tough read.
There are others, but my peanut awaits ("Medium" reference).
Now, must eat coookies.
Sheilah

Re: Mmmm happy

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Honestly, I just got busy suddenly. If I have a free day on Sunday, Part V goes up.

*waves*

[cereta.livejournal.com]

Way, way back in Sentinel, a story called "The BS Factor." Brilliant idea, never want to read it again, spent a good year scrolling rapidly past the title in the archive.

[cetpar.livejournal.com]

Do you remember which archive? My very first fandom was The Sentinel, but I don't remember this story.

[nestra.livejournal.com]

It's so funny -- I have read none of the stories mentioned above. Not a one. Because I am that big of a wuss. I don't want to be broken beyond repair. I like repair. It's a nice state of being.

[cetpar.livejournal.com]

There is a hint of hope at the end of Legion the Things That I Would Give to Oblivion, if that helps at all. It also helps to watch Seige III right afterward, to help cheer you up. You can pretend it was just a bad nightmare that way. But I understand. I have to be in the right mood to go back and read these stories. And chocolate helps. *g*

[bakarti.livejournal.com]

There's that SV story where Lex gets sick and Clark moves in to take care of him and there's a experimental cure but Lex is afraid it'll make him a sociopath so he refuses but then he realizes that Clark will go crazy when he dies so he goes ahead with the cure because he loves Clark that much and when he wakes up he's different and doesn't remember loving Clark and Clark goes back to his parents....

I stayed up till the wee hours reading that one. When I finished I very carefully shut off all the lights in my house, crawled into bed and wept. It completely broke me. After that I got into the habit of skipping to the end of stories to see how they ended before I invested in them. Which is why I never read Immortality. Because I am a coward.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Wow. Which one was that?

Immortality? RUSTY DULL SPOON PAIN. Seriously.

[zoerayne]

If You Are Prepared by Cybele (HP fandom).

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*warily marks down* Is this a hershey bar or a godiva and liquer on the scale of hurt? Will blankets be needed?

[ltlj.livejournal.com]

Hey, glad you're able to enjoy the story all over again! I love it when that happens.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*grins* It's a blow to my ego--I ALWAYS REMEMBER GOOD FIC. And most of the bad I read--though part of that is that the badfic I read is usually the most traumtizing, soul-searing, regret on my deathbed kind. But still.

But yeah. I went through the entire page. God, plot. *clutches plot* I have missed you so much. So very, very much.

my two cents

[saba1789.livejournal.com]

My never again story is a Popslash AU - Snow by Amber.
I was in no way prepared for the tragedy that was the ending and it just broke me. Completely.
I cried my freaking eyes out forever and I couldn't really read anything else for an entire week afterwards.
Yep, so never ever gonna read that one again although I still think of it every once in a while and it still has the power to make me tear up although it's been quite some time since I read it.

[out-there.livejournal.com]

Your "Handful of Dust". Oddly enough, the other dark SV AUs, most of those I can handle, it's just that HoD hit me hard and forced a strong emotional reaction that I don't usually feel for fanfic... anything, normally.

Broke my heart. Kept me from sleeping for hours. Made me wish/plead/long for Lex to kill himself even though I knew he couldn't/wouldn't because then he wouldn't be *Lex*. Made the ending work and true to the characters adn the situation and made me hate it for being the only possible ending.

I have issues with that story. But no intention of going back and reading it again to come to terms with those issues.

[ceitie.livejournal.com]

'Cartography by Touch' by Pru made my stomach hurt when I read it, actual physical pain. I really liked it so I tried to reread it, telling myself that the end's all hopeful, but I can never read more than a few bits at a time.