ouch and also, sleep for is for people who are not superglued together

Okay, so there was surgery and whatnot, and I want for the record...

Ouch.

My stomach muscles hurt. My chest muscles want to hurt, I think, and feel left out that they don't. My shoulders hurt. I get this is because I was the equivalent of a human balloon animal and then glued--GLUED--shut. I mean, I get this is not Elmer's glue or anything, but still.

Ouch.

The following for anyone who is staring at this and saying "OKAY NO SURGERY EVER", waht I've learned.



1.) If I lie down, I will not want to get up like, ever. Ever. In my life. Because everything stiffens and it's like, no.

2.) Walking is actually okay. Coughing is not. And yet I have to cough every time I walk. And breathe deeply. Both according to doctor orders (thanks, allergy season, why not add congestion to the party?).

3.) Sitting up is great. Apparently, the closest-to-ideal position for my body is to be sitting crosslegged on my bed and leaning forward slightly with pillows behind my back. A Classic Geek Position, even. It's like destiny or something. I anticipate that my computer usage will hit new heights and it's not like I wasn't already qualified for a twelve-step program before this.

4.) However, I still have to stand up and walk around every thirty minutes ot an hour or I begin to stiffen up and you see where this is going.

5.) God coffee. (I just need to throw that in.)



By the way, this is what svmadelyn has to deal with tonight.



Seperis: *bitter*
Seperis: God.
Seperis: I had surgery.
Seperis: I was cut open like a turkey.
Seperis: And my innards removed.
Seperis: Holy shit.
Seperis: I even let it happen!
Seperis: *blank look*
Seperis: My existential crisis is in coordination with the wound on my stomach.
Seperis: Want a picture? *brightly*
svmadelyn: no.
svmadelyn: god no.
svmadelyn: we would add me to the former facebook friends
svmadelyn: very fast.
svmadelyn: VERY fast
svmadelyn: let us maintain some spark of mystery
svmadelyn: in our relationship.
Seperis: It is so weird looking?
Seperis: Like, they went into the belly button to do the dirty work
Seperis: SO you can't see like, much?
Seperis: But it's all superglued together.
Seperis: my God.
Seperis: I HAD SURGERY AND THEY CLOSED ME WITH SUPERGLUE.
Seperis: *BLANK LOOK* WHAT IS THIS.
Seperis: Today.
Seperis: I willingly allowed myself to be drugged and immobilized.
svmadelyn: yes. that you did.
Seperis: So someone could use that blue surgical pen--did you see that? THEY LEFT IT ON MY BED!--to be artistic and then cut open what has been closed since birth to insert gas into my stomach like a balloon.
Seperis: I WAS A BALLOON.
svmadelyn: it was a significant step in your personal development.
Seperis: THEN PUT THINGS UP THERE THAT REMOVED A PART OF MY DIGESTIVE SYSTEM.
Seperis: AND THEN GLUED ME TOGETHER
svmadelyn: yes. a malevolent part.
Seperis: GLUED. ME. TOGETHER.
svmadelyn: yes. don't put heat on the glue.
Seperis: oh my God.
svmadelyn: in case it melts.
Seperis: IT IS FLAKING OFF.
Seperis: I HAVE A PIECE ON MY FINGER.
Seperis: ...it's like Elmer's glue.
svmadelyn: yeah. maybe don't touch it.
Seperis: My God.
svmadelyn: you could come open again.
svmadelyn: that would probably not be great.
Seperis: what, did they borrow from the kindergarten?
svmadelyn: perhaps you should find some superglue.
Seperis: That stuff never holds
svmadelyn: just as a plan b.
Seperis: IT IS WATER SOLUBLE AND I AM LIKE 90% WATETR
svmadelyn: obviously, you used inferior superglue.
Seperis: Oh I want to lie down.
Seperis: But that hurts a lot.
svmadelyn: not really; you don't drink much water.
Seperis: WHy did you let me do this?
Seperis: Why didn't yo mention the glue.
Seperis: GLUE.
svmadelyn: sometimes I like you breathing.
Seperis: *betrayed*
svmadelyn: the glue didn't occur to me, to be honest.


She's still speaking to me, even.

Comments

[foxyfurs]

*dies laughing* You're hilarious when you're drugged and caffeinated!

My fella had the surgery a couple years ago. You're a lucky sumbitch, you got glue. He got staples, and the punctures scarred.

*runs off to get him to read this, he'd love it!*

[meredyth]

Oh honey, be glad about the glue. After all, staples are so 'Office' and nobody needs a corporate Horace evacuation hole!

*hugs*

[kopernik]

I'm really glad you survived! And I hope your recovery will be smooth and swift.

[scy]

*grins*

I feel rather left out, I am not getting offered pictures. *pouts* Or is that because you know I see worse on a daily basis?

[concinnity]

I'm really glad you're still alive. :)
(What? THERE'S ALWAYS A RISK. I just didn't want to mention it before you went in.)

[akacat]

If I remember right, the last time I got superglue I was warned that they put on way more than is needed and some of it would flake off pretty soon.

[azurehart]

Really you're lucky. Instead of glue on my belly button I got staples on a foot long cut and a tube sticking out of my side for good measure. I looked like some preschoolers weird ass art project.

[mrshamill]

Yeah, like everybody else said, you coulda had STAPLES. And a DRAIN. I had BOTH, and TWO drains. That was just for my last surgery. Which was elective, I'll have you know.

Yer so funny when you're stoned. We need to take up a collection to keep you this way for our eternal enjoyment.

[cereta]

AHAHAHA. I hate the shoulder pain part.

{{hugs}}

[supermouse]

You did have superglue, yes. Cyanoacrylate.

You have to cough, because otherwise it's horribly easy for you to develop pneumonia.

You will probably fart a lot. This is all good. It means your digestive system is working and the gas is being absorbed from your abdomen.

Post surgery pain is still less painful than dying of impacted gallstones - I know this, because I very nearly did.

Your pain levels will just about halve every week. You should be more or less pain free a month from now, but probably itchy. The site should not, at any point, get more painful. If it does, something is wrong.

Best wishes.

[fyrdrakken]

The glue is exciting and high-tech, though! (My sister's ex-fiance got staples when he had his appendix out, and one of them got bent and started hurting him. Fortunately my sister was working for my father at the time, and she was able to take him by the office and make use of the special surgical-staple-remover.)

[sage]

Glue is great! Both my parents got staples and four incisions each, which, well, Dad's was emergency, so they were afraid it was going to be a lot worse than it ended up being.

Yay good drugs! Yay coffee! And Happy Halloween! -- Hey, you get to gorge on candy now, right? That = made of win! \o/

[out_there]

svmadelyn: the glue didn't occur to me, to be honest.

*giggles very loudly*

For some reason, teh idea of being GLUED TOGETHER pretty much makes you a walking, talking rag doll. It's absurd and awesome.

[springwoof]

there, there...it's over now. Horace is gone and you are triumphant!

And the best thing about the "balloon-type" surgery is that (unlike the old style where the Drs cut you open and cut muscle & etc. on the way to getting wherever they were going), no muscles were cut, just sort of pushed aside. So there's probably some stiffness/soreness, but it's more in the way of bruising, and in a week or less, you'll feel MUCH better. Within a month, you'll have a hard time finding the scars from the surgery.

and you were VERY BRAVE to put up with the anesthesia & hospitalization. VERY BRAVE

[without_me]

I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm scheduled for gall bladder surgery next Weds. and I'm kind of losing my mind. I can't remember how much I babbled at you when I first babbled at you about this a while back, but, see, the problem (?) is, my symptoms aren't that bad. I know you were in horrible, horrible pain before the surgery, and if that were true for me I wouldn't be stressing the way I am--but it isn't. I haven't had an attack in a couple of months, and when I did have them they were... well, pretty miserable in a low-grade way, but not the kind of KILL ME NOW pain that I imagine yours to have been.

Despite that, I really HATE pain and nausea, so I had pretty much worked myself up to just have it out and then I won't have to worry about that anymore (after the recovery period), right? Only at my pre-op appointment today my internist said, "Oh, yeah, you'll have to get used to diarrhea after the surgery," and then I got home and googled "life after gallbladder surgery," and SWEET FSM MY EYES. And yes, I know that you can find anything you want to on the intarwebz (and many things no one would want to find), and that doesn't make it so... but ALL THESE PEOPLE saying they have chronic dumping AND continued stomach pain AND bloating AND new allergies/dietary restrictions AND nausea AND fatigue and--WTF??? That is so much worse than my (admittedly very fortunate) life has ever been.

And I realize that your experience is also anecdotal--and it's only been a very short time since your surgery--but can you give me any idea how things are going for you so far? Are you, um, able to digest normally? Do you have ongoing stomach/back pain? FOR THE LOVE OF SLASH, please tell me you're happy and healthy and for me to stop listening to the people inside my computer! (Except you. You're real!)

/frenzied stressing

Thank you so much for reading this. Assuming you have. Which you probably have, since you seem like a really cool person.

[seperis]

No? I mean, normal fatigue for about a week after surgery. For a couple of weeks, avoid greasy foods or eat in small portions. Your body will have an adjustment period, but it's not life lived in the bathroom. No ongoing back and stomach pain at all. You might be slightly more tired for a month, just sleep a little more.

The only thing that might be frustrating is if you like fried foods, even it out with grain, vegetables, or fruits, and do smaller portions for a bit. Other than that, no. I mean, there is an adjustment period for your body getting used to everything again, but it's not terribly dramatic. Some foods bothered me the first week; a month later, they didn't. I think the only really bad time was Fried Meal of Friedness early on, and it's not like that would have been a good idea anyway.

Seriously, don't worry, and don't freak out during adjustment for about a month. All the odd things went away. Just yeah, higher grease and higher fat may continue to be inconvenient, but like, minor inconvenient and add some vegetables or something and it'll be fine.

[without_me]

Thank you. I know I'm probably worrying irrationally, but it's hard when you see people saying "It's been two years and I've just given up on any kind of normal life," etc. Especially since my life is pretty normal (er, digestively) right now, so there's a fair argument for wait-and-see. And yet, I'd rather do this at a time when I can pick the surgeon, arrange for time off work, etc.

Ugh, ugh, ugh. And also, ugh. But again, THANK YOU.

[aliaswestgate.livejournal.com]

I hope they gave you some good painkillers for the next few days. You'll need them. I had a laparoscopy (probably what they did for you to get rid of Horace) back in 07.

Also, i'm pretty sure the glue will hold till those incisions are healed. The bloaty feeling? Was definitely weird, much less waking up after the surgery. i was all WTF? I'm MISSING HOURS HERE. A bizarre hole in my sense of time passing. I still spent the next two days mostly sleeping because of the darvocet my doc gave me, but it worked. Then i got frustrated with the fuzzy brain it gave me and stopped taking it. But the pain? Didn't exist for those few days, so yes. i had fuzzy brain for that long at least. After that? bearable.

[sangre-fria.livejournal.com]

Demand the good painkillers. Seriously, do it.

I had access to absolutely no painkillers at all. But I get my stitches out in a week, along with my test results. Here's to a negative for lymphoma! *cheers!*

[lurkerlynne.livejournal.com]

::crosses fingers and says prayer::

[emmuzka.livejournal.com]

Good pain killers and trashy tv are your friends. After my major surgery, the first day I watched animal hospital, the next Project Runway, and the next House. That tells something about your brain capacity after a surgery...

[lurkerlynne.livejournal.com]

That would be the painkillers. The heavier-duty ones say not to operate heavy machinery, and never mention that most humans happen to be heavy machinery.

Speaking as your nurse.....

[bientot.livejournal.com]

Unfortunately, that crap about being up and walking and deep breathing? It's all true. Good painkillers are good too - but narcotics are (sorry) constipating, and so is inactivity, so prune juice and/or metamucil and walking are your new best friends.

About the balloon and the glue - just be glad you're not sliced and diced and held together with needle and thread!

And congratulations - the worst is over!! :)

[scribblemoose]

At least they didn't sprinkle you with glitter while they were playing with the glue....

My husband's had three lots of abdominal surgery in the past two years (he now has two belly-buttons O.O) - and his useful tips are: do all the exercises your surgeon tells you to; carry a cushion at all times so you can hold it over your wound when you cough/sneeze/laugh; to walk as much as you can (he has a pedometer so he can make sure he's doing a bit more each day) but don't be afraid to carry a stick for security/sympathy; once you're up to leaving the house use fun excursions to encourage you to walk to take your mind of the discomfort; watch/read things that makes you smile - natural narcotics - and make every friend and family member you encounter give you presents. Lots of presents.

Well done on getting to the other side. You're awesome. I hope your life post-horace is wonderful and pain-free!

[sffan.livejournal.com]

After my surgery I realized that sneezing is not your friend. If you feel a sneeze coming on, pinch your nostrils shut and support the surgical area just in case the sneeze makes it through anyway. I managed to stop quite a few that way.

[naughtyoldlady.livejournal.com]

The best trick I know for preventing a sneeze is to put your index finger where a mustache would be - you know, like little kids do to pretend they have a mustache? - and then press your finger against your face, HARD. Hold for a few seconds until the sneezy feeling goes away. (I have no idea why this works, but it does.)

[boochicken.livejournal.com]

A third stop-sneezing trick -- when you feel a sneeze approaching, tickle the roof of your mouth with your tongue. It usually works for me....

[phoenix4.livejournal.com]

I'll take glue over staples any day. And Steristrips. Those suckers stay put for weeks.

(Two abdominal surgeries, one arm surgery, one laprascopy. One of the staples GOT BENT when they went to take it out of my stomach. The nurse felt horrible about it, but ouch.)

Bientot's right; a little Metamucil and orange juice will make life much more comfortable while you're on the pain meds. The shoulder pain is pretty common with laprascopies; I never did figure out why. You wouldn't think it would be connected...

[reginagiraffe]

I'm pretty sure it's because the air that gets pumped into you during surgery floats its way up and puts pressure on your shoulders from the inside. Lying down usually makes the pain go away because the air is now difused over your whole chest.

[giddygeek.livejournal.com]

svmadelyn is clearly an excellent friend. Mockery AND helpful advice about glue!

I'm glad the surgery went well, and that evil!Horace is no more--it's too bad they wouldn't let you take him home, though. Imagine the fun that you and the boy could be having with that right now! The stabby-stabby of bitter revenge, delightful.

I had a hole in myself after surgery, for drainage. I could see my insides and the sense of UTTER WRONGNESS can't be described but I think it seems a lot like your I WAS A BALLOON feeling. Just like, why did I DO this, and also why did THEY do this, and also also THIS is medicine? Modern medicine? SCIENCE? Goddamn. I felt misled by MRIs and blood tests that can tell you what you had for dinner a month ago, and prosthetic limbs, and suddenly understood why Rodney was all MEDICINE = VOODOO. *grins*

I hope you're feeling better!

[averzierlia.livejournal.com]

I remember my surgery, and ugh, so horrible. Granted, I had to stay in the hospital for 10 days (ten days!) because they had a fucking tube down my throat to drain my stomach and then I was allergic to one of the meds they gave me in my IV and it caused all my muscles to seize up (yes, all of them. I could not move, and it hurt) and THEN I caught a stomach virus. And I wasn't allowed to eat for 8 of those 10 days.

Hospitals are fail.

*hugs*

[dryad-duinath.livejournal.com]

this is all really foreign to me, i have to say? i was born with problematic kidneys and took medication for it until i had surgery when i was like, five. of course, i was five so it was really not an angsty experience for me at all. (though i can still remember waking up after the surgery with an oxygen mask on my face and my mom looking at me like ...well, like her youngest child was just drugged into unconsiousness and then cut open. it was a bad day for her, i think.)

but i was fine? i just kinda used the situation to spend a lot of time lying down and watching tv. was told later i was one of the first people to get one of those buttons to push to inject morphine into the system yourself.

and basically my only reminders of the experience are scars now. there's one of about five inches on my lower belly, and if you look really closely at my bellybutton you can kinda see where the tube was.

my point being, your outlook on a situation changes depending on how normal it seems to you. surgery is an early memory for me, so i don't see it as a bad/big thing at all, but i understand that this is not really of the norm.

also, the worst part of the experience for me was getting the stiches taken out, so i think the glue is probably a good thing.

[eponymousanon.livejournal.com]

I'm glad to hear that the surgery was successful and that SVMadelyn has not abandoned you! Also, somehow I'm getting sympathetic pain to you-- a half hour after I woke up this morning, my abdomen informed me it was Not Pleased with my altered posture yesterday (4 hours standing in high heels FTL) and I will have to hunch over in abject submission to it, and feed it painkillers.

[celestialcuming.livejournal.com]

Seriously happy to hear you've come through the surgery ok *smishes - gentle ones*

[tricksterquinn.livejournal.com]

God, I feel rubbish for not being there for you last night. LOOOOVE.

[lurkerlynne.livejournal.com]

If it makes you feel any better, SO had back surgery and they glued him back together. Never opened, split or did anything but just be there until he healed, even through a shower. The incision healed very nicely and is beginning to fade.

[issaro.livejournal.com]

Congratulations! (and seriously how weird is that to leave on a surgery post but ummm, yeah... ) Go you!

[dont_panic4242.livejournal.com]

Welcome to the gallbladder-free club. Surgery isn't the most fun, but for the record, no-more-gallbladder-pain is totally awesome. :)

[firesprite1105.livejournal.com]

AHAHAHAHAHAHA...oh, your convo with Madelyn is COMEDY GOLD.

*rereads and dies some more*

[khyrra.livejournal.com]

I had my gall bladder out last Monday (laproscopically, thankfully). Holding a cushion, or towel firmly but gently over your incision when you cough will help a bit. Think of all of the things you can now eat without fear! Your conversation made me laugh, especially the "want to see it?" bit. My surgeon filmed my operation and GAVE ME A DVD of it. He seemed truly disappointed that neither I nor my husband are very interested in watching. I think it's still in the glove compartment of my car (where it got stashed on the ride home from the hospital).