*sighs* my life.

The problem is, I fool myself that I lack vanity. It's a huge lie. The truth is I am vain and lazy, so I am worried about how I look but never feel inspired to do much about it in teh long term.

But in the short term?

So far in prep for the Bahamas I have:

1.) Bought tinted moisturizer, guaranteed to make me look less fish belly white. It promises a *glow*.

2.) Loofah to scrub down and remove all traces of dead skin.

3.) Did hair to more festive summer color of light brown/caramel/blonde.

4.) Bought apricot body scrub for emergency scrubbing (yeah, don't ask)

5.) Obsessively cleaning, moisturizing, and doing that thing with that stuff that prevents acne. A *lot*.

6.) Shoe shopped. DSW is my heroin.

7.) Bathing suit obsession. God. Dammit. For years, I managed to do it the old fashioned way and wait until the last second to grab whatever was left. But no. This time, I was going to be a careful shopper and pick something that looked good and was pretty. I discovered, like many women, that no matter what bathing suit I tried on, it looked terrible. Even the ones I didn't try on I instinctively *knew* would look terrible. The ones that they no longer stocked, of course, were the ones that I was certain would make me look taller, thinner, prettier, and less fish-belly white.

I cannto believe I spent three hours staring at bathing suits.

So I did it a differnet way. I foudn the cutest little skirt cover up and bought the bathing suit that matched.

...yeah. Do not judge me. I judge myself for the credit card bill.

8.) Bought shorts.

Okay, I live in Texas, but I don't have a call for shorts a lot. Or ever. I wear jeans because they are comfy, or aroudn the house, recycled jeans turned into cut off shorts if I have to go outside for some insane reason like watering plants or letting the rabbit exercise. My moment of horror came when I realized I was going on a five day cruise and had no summerwear.

And hey, when did shorts get this short? *blank* Some could double as fairly uncomfortable underwear. Well, I didnt' buy those, but the ones I did get? Jesus.

9.) Scheduled a waxing.

This is still something I may drop depending on panic level when I really understand that this is a process in which wax is put on me--in places that are say, fairly sensitive--and then ripped away. Right now it's still theoretical and I am dazzled by the idea of no razors.

However, I did discover what a Brazilian was. What is a mystery is how flexible you have to be to get one. That is--yeah. Huh.

*puts head on laptop* I feel the need to disclaim this by saying, rarely if ever will you *ever* see me obsessively trying on dresses again. As I did the other weekend. *Over twenty*. And typically, they all looked terrible. Except this one that was in teh wrong size but I am convinced would indeed have made me look taller, thinner, more attractive, and incredibly intelligent. I think it also can make julienne fries. Yes.

Of course.

Note: There is no mood here for ashamed. *sad*

Comments

[spike21.livejournal.com]

waxing is the best thing ever. No, it's not the funnest thing on the planet but if you get a good, competent waxer you get both legs done in about 20 minutes, its uncomfortable but not painful and then you don't have to do it again for 3 months. I also get my eyebrows and moustache done, which takes about 30 seconds. I have not had a bikini done (and I will *never* have a brazilian done) but my friend described the process as "basically you hold your underwear out of the way". I am actually thinking of getting my underarms done but I tned to rash up so I'm still undecided.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Hmm. See, I have heard it sounds a lot more painful than it actually is. My high school Spanish teacher lived in Argentina (or Chile?) for a while and raved about the wonders of waxing. So--I keep just not thinking hard about it and hopefully, will not freak out like, an hour beforehand. Or while they are applying the wax. *g*

[spike21.livejournal.com]

well, it is kind of unpleasant -- especially the first time you get it done, like I said, it's *fast*. One thing you can do if you're worried about freaking out is get sugared instead. It's not quite as effective as wax, but with sugar, if you totally spazz about it you can just rinse it off, while with wax, once it's on you're kind of committed.

[eleveninches.livejournal.com]

For some crazy reason, I've always had this idea that tall people have an easier time finding clothes than, say, those of us who are too small to fit into women's clothes and are forced to wear juniors for the rest of our lives.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Theoreticallly, it *should* be, but they tend to size clothes for tall women as if they were doing it for a person my height but the shape and weight of a supermodel. I'm size eight/ten, and for some reason? It's like *pulling teeth* to get jeans my height outside the guy's section. A few stores that do have clothes for taller women also have a size jump to correspond, which is so *damned* annoying I've been tempted to buy them and then go and have them tailored down to my size.

So far, my semi-bulletproofs are Express for work clothes and Levis for jeans--usually somewhere, there is an long or extralong that I can find. Everywhere else is basically a hit/miss.

*sighs* Unless I want to go the really expensive designer route, and heh, no. I do not love any pants enough to pay 300.

Okay, I am bitter. But toward the fashion industry!

[eleveninches.livejournal.com]

I haaaate that the best-fitting jeans are always the ones you can't afford. The best pair I ever tried on were some $70 CAD American Eagle ones (http://www.ae.com/web/browse/product.jsp?rcid=womens&scid=cat90120&navroot=womens&productId=1435_7939) that actually made me look like I have an ass. Seriously, they were amazing. But there's no way I can afford that on my budget, so I buy mine at Old Navy instead, where I have, like, an inch on each side from where my hips are supposed to be.

[teenygozer.livejournal.com]

Suggestion: check eBay from time to time for things that you KNOW fit you. I did an eBay search for "American Eagle Artist Stretch Jean" for the heck of it and a few auctions showed up. If one of those is in your size, you might just be able to win it quite affordably!

[eleveninches.livejournal.com]

Oh, that's a great idea. Thank you!

[niqaeli]

Waxing is awesome. No razors, weeks of hairlessness, and the hair grows back softer and finer and less noticeable.

I've never had the bikini line waxed but I had my legs waxed last week. It stings a little but it's fast. Mostly? My problem was that the wax *tickled* going on. Also have had the eyebrow line done--that stung more but, really, not that bad. My sister-in-law got the bikini line done a few days before the wedding as a present to her husband; she didn't have much of a complaint except that it wasn't a great idea to do it on a day that you have to be very active.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*laughs* I didn't think of hte active part--I want to do it on Monday so in case there is some kind of rash or reaction, I'll be able to deal with it well before I actually have to show any skin.

*crosses fingers* I feel comforted.

[zoniduck.livejournal.com]

Waxing isn't all that bad, but it does sting like a motherfucker. Take a couple of ibuprofen about an hour before your appointment, and then another dose about 5 hours after or so. It will help with the swelling and discomfort.

I've had the Brazilian done a bunch of times, and I don't know that I'd recommend it for your first time. I wouldn't say that you have to be particularly flexible, though you do have to pull your knees up toward your chest at the end so the waxer can reach, the um, back area. As long as you can get past the idea that a total stranger is going to be seeing your chach up close and personal, it's pretty easy.

One thing you must, MUST know when getting a bikini wax of any kind, which they might not think to tell you, is that you need to trim the hair in the area being waxed down to about 1/4 to 1/2 inch. If you leave it long, it is a nightmare because the wax doesn't grip the hairs down at the base, and they won't be ripped out all at once. Believe me, it is very much DO NOT WANT, so trim those pubes before you go.

I have no idea why I'm telling you all this, but feel free to ask any questions you want about waxing.

[calligrafiti.livejournal.com]

And hey, when did shorts get this short? *blank* Some could double as fairly uncomfortable underwear. Well, I didnt' buy those, but the ones I did get? Jesus.

Yep. I found this out the last time I shopped for shorts. I ended up in the mens department, buying shorts that actually made an acquantance with my thighs.

[sffan.livejournal.com]

Okay, maybe I'm just weird, but the actual warm wax? Feels kinda nice ;) The removal of the hair in the bikini area is painful, I will not lie, but it's like being twapped with an elastic and the pain fades almost instantaneously. The most discomforting part of the whole process, really, is having a strange woman put her hands in an area where strangers don't normally get to touch. And now that I've freaked you out...basically, she tucks some paper up and around the edge of your underwear so that it doesn't get wax on it and puts your hands where you're supposed to hold them out of the way. The worst part for me is the itching when the stuff grows back.

Enjoy your trip! Cruises are awesome.

[hardcase.livejournal.com]

I feel your pain. More than one shopping expedition has ended in tears and a stop at DQ for ice cream to soothe my damaged pride. What can I say, I'm an emotional eater.

I've only ever had my eyebrows waxed. It didn't really hurt. Just a quick sting that faded within a moment or two.

Good luck and enjoy your cruise!!

[apetslife.livejournal.com]

Oh man. I have SO BEEN THERE. Just got back from the college reunion. *nods wisely*

Some tips from a veteran:

- The Clinique SPF 15 bronzer is AWESOME. I am Irish and so white I practically glow in the dark, and this stuff didn't turn me orange, just gave me a lovely golden glow.

- Take three advil before getting waxed (especially if you're getting a Brazilian or a more extreme bikini wax of any kind). It will keep the redness and swelling down and keep it from hurting as much. The ankles are worse than the bikini part, for REAL. But it is so worth it for no razors. SO worth it.

- Holy god, shorts are obscene now. There are some very very nice loose linen capris on clearance at Ann Taylor Loft if you have one by you. They are SO comfortable, and loose, and cool, and fabulous, and come in regulars and petites, and I'm convinced they will someday learn to vacuum my apartment for me.

[npkedit.livejournal.com]

Hmmm. I tortured myself the last time I got a leg and bikini wax (you couldn't pay me enough to have a Brazilian--that's not vanity, it's insanity) . Will echo everyone else in saying that it's way better than a razor. And maybe it would be better to have a pro do it. Aloe is a good follow-up after the dreaded deed.

I feel your tallness pain. I'm close to 5'9". I don't wear shorts or pants for religious reasons, but the skirts I end up trying on in so many stores always end up looking like minis unintentionally.

Have fun on the cruise (says the cruise editor)!

[teenygozer.livejournal.com]

Heh. This is a quote from Madonna, talking about waxing: "Take a couple of Motrin before you go, and don't get it done the two weeks before your period."

Memorable, eh? I am guessing skin is more sensitive in the two weeks before one's period. *shrug*

Have a great time on your cruise!

[deadlychameleon.livejournal.com]

Actually, if you're willing to make a sojourn into the Juniors section, knee length shorts are in *cue religious music*. Dept. stores often carry up to a size 14 equivalent, but they fit differently.

Also, swim shorts for women!:
here (http://www.llbean.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/CategoryDisplay?page=jogger-shorts&categoryId=49122&storeId=1&catalogId=1&langId=-1&parentCategory=8067&cat4=3028&shop_method=pp&feat=8067-tn)

[deadlychameleon.livejournal.com]

Proof! (http://www.boscovs.com/StoreFrontWeb/Department.bos?pageNumber=1&pdn=1150000&type=Department&departmentNumber=1155630)

[deadlychameleon.livejournal.com]

Ok, apparently they're in the misses section too. Last post, I promise. I get a little obsessive about clothing shopping. ;-)


Misses knee length shorts (http://www.boscovs.com/StoreFrontWeb/Department.bos?pageNumber=1&pdn=1010450&type=Department&departmentNumber=1010550)

[ltlj.livejournal.com]

Gah, I wish I'd had time to go on this trip too! I hope you guys have a fantastic cruise.

[luthorienne.livejournal.com]

Get a pedicure. Your feet will be on display!

[deadlychameleon.livejournal.com]

Ok. One last comment. Don't shop for swimsuits in department stores. They overcharge. Go for the sports stores, like Sports Authority or somesuch.

Ok, seriously. Enough. I will stop window shopping online...

[djinanna.livejournal.com]

Best luck in prepping (and primping) for the big cruise. Wish I could be there, too. (And if wishes were seahorses, I'd would be.)