turgid mushrooms

Random clicking on Wraithbait--can lead to awesomeness (Biological Imperatives) or you know, the word turgid.

Turgid.

I just--I want to know. Look at these two sentences.

A. He shoved his turgid erection into his waiting depths.

Or.

B. Look at that turgid mushroom!

Doesn't it just--make more sense related to mushroom? Turgid. Turrgggiiiiddd. It just does not scream sexy to me. It screams fungus found at random outside on a wet day.

You know, I've been thinking I want to look this up on dictionary.com. Here is what I found.

1. Excessively ornate or complex in style or language; grandiloquent: turgid prose.
2. Swollen or distended, as from a fluid; bloated: a turgid bladder; turgid veins.

Or turgid mushrooms! Or ornate mushrooms. Not ornate penises. Wow, that just went to an obscure body jewelry place there. I mean, sure, strictly speaking, it could work, but really, does any penis want to be compared to a bladder?

...I did warn people with the bit about being unmotivated, right? Yeah. It's totally going to be this kind of a day. *head on desk*

Comments

[machinistm.livejournal.com]

Swollen or distended, as from a fluid

It's filled, I say! Filled with the boiling fluid seeds of love!

[seperis.livejournal.com]

OH GOD I HATE YOU.

*horrific visions of boiling sperm*

[beck-liz.livejournal.com]

I was thinking turgid sounded more like a medical problem that Dr. House would diagnose. *shudder*

[seperis.livejournal.com]

I always think of it something related to a toe. I don't know why. Not a penis.

[musesfool.livejournal.com]

Oh come on! You know you want to read fic featuring "his turgid manrocket o'love plunging into his slick and quivering entrance!"

[seperis.livejournal.com]

See, I always suspected you hated me; witness the use of manrocket o'love.

I'm tempted to ask for a collection of the worst penis euphemisms ever. *thoughtful* Just to see what horror is still waiting.

[cathexys.livejournal.com]

sadness isseeing you rec something like that and then realizing that i've already READ IT!!!!

as for the turgid...there's so much odd prose out there...it just goes into the wtf pile for me (though I was more unsettled by the waiting depth...i mean, yes,if he'd been fisted before, maybe...but usually that's not the image i have :)

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Is it not awesome? *bounce* At first I thought it was a MENSA AU, but it's too early for that. But it totally could retconned into being so.

Freakishly awesome.

[wickedwords.livejournal.com]

See, to me, 'turgid wood' is something you would find in a swamp, something moss-covered and kind-of slimy, but solid and still standing. Why anyone would want that close to their nethers, I have no idea, but if you say it in a bad fake Cajun accent, it at least sounds better.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Huh. Turgid wood. That also makes sense. I like that.

if you say it in a bad fake Cajun accent, it at least sounds better

A lot of things sound better when accented. I noticed that with Giles on Buffy.

We must stop the "turgid." Call your local congressperson.

[devin-chain.livejournal.com]

It had to be said. Someone needed to speak out against "turgid." I'm glad it was you.

Re: We must stop the "turgid." Call your local congressperson.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*takes deep breath* it is my pleasure, of course.

[chinawolf.livejournal.com]

Sounds to me like that author isn't a native English speaker and looked this up in a dictionary. :))

[seperis.livejournal.com]

You'd think so, but no. Five fandoms and seven years, and I still run across it in otherwise fairly normal stories.

It's very, very disconcerting.

[millefiori.livejournal.com]

He shoved his turgid erection into his waiting depths.

I wonder what it says about me that my first reaction is irritation that the writer used the same pronoun in the same sentence to refer to two different people.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*collapses laughing*

Yes. *wheezes* That, too.

[an-kayoh.livejournal.com]

You hope that they were referring to two different people. You don't want to know what conclusions I jumped to.

[toft-froggy.livejournal.com]

Ughh. I actually shuddered at that first sentence. So, so gross.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*nods sadly* I, too, twitched. but I am brave and wrote it anyway.

[birdsflying]

Turgid is high on my list of words that should really trigger the following actions on a fanfic writer's computer:

1) a wailing siren
2) an immediate clearing of the document
3) the removal of their ability to find, back up or save the document
4) and an inability to post any fic that contains any of the words on the list.

Second thought: Good grief, he must be flexible if he can do that to himself...

[seperis.livejournal.com]

We need this list *so much*.


Second thought: Good grief, he must be flexible if he can do that to himself...

Wait. Wow.

....

I wrote badfic about a man without a spine. This is so sad.

[callmeri]

Ewwww. Bloated. Ewwwwwwwwww. It sounds like a disease. How can that be considered sexy? By anyone?

On a related note, I came across "rectum" in a fic the other day. And it was swallowing someone's fingers. And lo, I was very frightened. :-/

[seperis.livejournal.com]

YES! ONE DOES NOT WANT BLOATED THINGS INSIDE.

I have no words for the second part there. Only whimpers.

[temaris.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry, you don't beat the example from an older MUNCLE zine which graculus shared at a badfic panel a year or so back. I quote:

All Illya knew was that his world was on fire, only the thick spray from that organic fire hose could douse this inferno.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

I think amnesia would be good here.

Please God, let there be amnesia now.

[lilac-way.livejournal.com]

As long as the "turgid cock" isn't "weeping," I'm fine. Once they get into the "weeping" or "seeping members," I want the boys to go get some antibiotics from Carson.

[vee-fic.livejournal.com]

Sadly, the word "turgid" is literally correct -- as regards mushrooms. A happy mushroom is a mushroom with turgor (http://www.m-w.com/dictionary/turgor), and a floppy mushroom, I just don't want to think about.

I just, I see vegetables in the middle of a sex scene, and I have traumatic flashbacks to The Apology, and how the Greeks found creative new uses for radishes as punishment. Even among people who like mushrooms, I think -- no.

[acari.livejournal.com]

Wait, why does Greeks and radishes rings a bell? It was in a play, wasn't it? Aristophanes? Do I even want to remember?

[out-there.livejournal.com]

On a completely unrelated note, I now have to find some excuse to use grandiloquent.

That's a word so devine it gives me shivers.

*hearts the English language*

[out-there.livejournal.com]

*hearts the English language*

But not, clearly, my ability to code. Oops.

[inteligrrl.livejournal.com]

(Yeah, I'm late on this comment - sporadic internet sucks)

This is what happens when you have a bunch of kids who watched 10 Things I Hate About You a million times because they thought Heath Ledger was the cutie-patootie-super-bum! Allison Janey is awesome, turgid is not - in fact it joins the words gristle and cartalidge in making me cringe.

(And yes, I refferenced High School Musical. It destroyed my cool and there is much shame)