![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
One of the things I never used to believe existed were men out there so desperate to sleep with you that they would bribe you with gifts in hopes that your panties would be loosened in gratitude. No, I'm not talking about me here; I have long come to terms with my lack of femme fatale vibes--or any vibes of any kind, actually, I think I register as a cabbage on the sex appeal o'meter or something--but my sister, who is dating while on separation from her husband, who is also dating.
I work hard to know very little about Sister and Brother in Law--however, this one time, overinformation was good. In the last three months, the hope of getting seriously laid has led several men to contribute expensive and insane amounts of chocolate not only to her but to her daughter and my son; some kind of ion flat iron that was imported from somewhere and apparently does magical things with straightening hair, along with matching hair care products; dinner at restaurants so pretentious I don't even want to pronounce them; and finally, the real reason I have a strong urge to set my sister on a street corner, a Cuisinart coffee maker.
Oh. My. God.
No one told me. I've been using GE and Mr. Freaking *Coffee* and *this* was out there? Twelve cups of nirvana seeped through a water filter and into a brown paper basket filter, so good that I actually lost the ability to form sentences. Mellow edged perfection cooked up in less than ten full minutes, with multiple functions, wrapped in black plastic and silver edging, saying, "Jenn, Jenn, drink me." Oh my GOD. This is--you know, I'd say better than sex, but it's been a while, so maybe sex has gotten better than the last time I tried it out.
Oh my GOD why do I drink anything *else*?
Suffice to say, I have the coffee maker and she's getting it back over my cold dead body. She can pick up another engineer if she needs another one.
I'm goinng to take a moment with my creme brulee coffee and smile that the universe sometimes sucks so much less than I usually think it does.
I work hard to know very little about Sister and Brother in Law--however, this one time, overinformation was good. In the last three months, the hope of getting seriously laid has led several men to contribute expensive and insane amounts of chocolate not only to her but to her daughter and my son; some kind of ion flat iron that was imported from somewhere and apparently does magical things with straightening hair, along with matching hair care products; dinner at restaurants so pretentious I don't even want to pronounce them; and finally, the real reason I have a strong urge to set my sister on a street corner, a Cuisinart coffee maker.
Oh. My. God.
No one told me. I've been using GE and Mr. Freaking *Coffee* and *this* was out there? Twelve cups of nirvana seeped through a water filter and into a brown paper basket filter, so good that I actually lost the ability to form sentences. Mellow edged perfection cooked up in less than ten full minutes, with multiple functions, wrapped in black plastic and silver edging, saying, "Jenn, Jenn, drink me." Oh my GOD. This is--you know, I'd say better than sex, but it's been a while, so maybe sex has gotten better than the last time I tried it out.
Oh my GOD why do I drink anything *else*?
Suffice to say, I have the coffee maker and she's getting it back over my cold dead body. She can pick up another engineer if she needs another one.
I'm goinng to take a moment with my creme brulee coffee and smile that the universe sometimes sucks so much less than I usually think it does.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
From:(- reply to this
- thread
- link
)
no subject
From:(- reply to this
- parent
- top thread
- link
)
no subject
From:We had a documentation specialist who, to me, looked like average 20-something college girl, which she was. But Judy had that "whateveritis" that your sister has, and man - did the rest of us love to sit back and watch her "work it". The fact we got goodies by default was just a plus, once some guy who wanted to get into her pants bought the entire site (all 100 people) lunch catered from some place I can't spell let alone pronounce. We never scored a really good coffee maker though, damn it.
(- reply to this
- link
)
no subject
From:coffee
Well, that settles it. Tomorrow I'll be heading over to Julius Meinl Cafe (http://www.meinl.com/southport/home.html) for my own little taste of nirvana in a cup.
::imagines how the Julius Meinl coffee would taste home-brewed in a Cuisinart maker::
::dies from overload of happy pornographic coffee thoughts::
(- reply to this
- link
)
no subject
From:(- reply to this
- link
)
no subject
From:This is--you know, I'd say better than sex, but it's been a while, so maybe sex has gotten better than the last time I tried it out.
*giggles* Given my last experiences, my advice is stick to the coffee...
(- reply to this
- thread
- link
)
no subject
From:(- reply to this
- parent
- thread
- top thread
- link
)
no subject
From:Thanks about the icon. I still love it, even after a month - which is a record for my default icon... :o)
(- reply to this
- parent
- top thread
- link
)
no subject
From:(- reply to this
- link
)
no subject
From:(- reply to this
- link
)
no subject
From:(Reply to this)
(- reply to this
- link
)
no subject
From:(- reply to this
- link
)
no subject
From:(- reply to this
- link
)
no subject
From:(- reply to this
- link
)
no subject
From:(- reply to this
- link
)
no subject
From:(- reply to this
- link
)