life lived like a terrible lesson on betrayal

Horace the gall bladder last night concocted a stealth attack that started as what I thought was a backache around threeish. Around seven, I was ready to take out my fucking gallbladder myself with an exacto-knife and a soldering iron if I could move or keep my hands steady (suddenly, my new tools had all new functions, you have no idea). I resent the fact it tricks me starting in my back--who notices a mild backache?--then it suddenly starts to spread like watching the superflu spread in fast-forward in The Stand.

Okay, see, that was beyond hideously painful and terrible and everything, but retrospectively, it did not help my state of mind that the only position in the world that I could manage that didn't make me start screaming was slumped over a large pile of pillows with my ass in the air. And my relatives saw this!

It's bad enough that it hurts like Christ are you kidding me, what the fuck is wrong with you, Horace; bad enough that I chewed vicodin and it did very much not much; salt on the wound is that personal dignity was sacrificed so dramatically and sadly, like one expects a proctological exam in bed outside of obscure and very specialized role-play, and I do not judge kinks but hey, that's not my kink so I got very little out of it on a psychological level.

I wish my sense of humor didn't seem to short out during times like that; that shit is hilarious and if Child had any kind of sense he'd have taken pictures for blackmail purposes. However, my doctor was kind and called in a script for me of vicodin--not that it does much as far as I can tell, but the placebo is nice--and with any kind of luck, the appointment with a surgeon will be made while the memories of this are still really fresh.

Seriously, what did people do before surgery and painkillers? I have never in my life so much appreciated I was born in the age of electricity, chemicals, the internet, and pharmacies. A lot of really bizarre historical facts makes a lot more sense to me if I translate it through the filter of gall bladder went insane. I mean, I used to say that labor with Child was bad, but labor a.) had an actual purpose and b.) hello, epidural. This just appears at random (no idea what set it off this time) and just hurts for the fuck of it.

I am beginning to fear food. I am staring suspiciously at the pantry. This can't be healthy.

This message was brought to you by Seperis's incredibly unhappy body, who is currently voting organ by organ to turn on Horace and go medieval on his ass like now.

Comments

[feanna]

Sounds like Horace might have been kicking out some (or one) of the tenants; aka passing a stone. Not that I'm any kind of expert on the kinds of pain that can be caused by gallbladder issues (though I have heard similar things about the joys of passing kidney stones, I guess it's somewhat comparable?).

[seperis]

Probably? From reading, it sounds a lot like that.

[telesilla]

I don't know if I'm telling you something you already know, but when I was going through gall bladder hell, the thing I noticed was that food with fat in it triggered attacks. I lived on rice, unbuttered toast, applesauce and fat free smoothies with protein powder for a couple of weeks before I was finally diagnosed.

*hugs* I hope you get an early surgery date.

[john]

+1 on an experience with foods with oils and fats in them being a trigger. Gallbladders suck. Hope the surgery is swift and laparoscopic!

One thing that the doctors didn't tell me: the muscles of Happy Grownup Funtimes are connected to the muscles that feel very, very, very sore after gallbladder removal. So proceed with caution if you are having Happy Grownup Funtimes within a week or two of surgery. #LFMF.

[ratcreature]

Seriously, what did people do before surgery and painkillers?

Well, opium tinctures were legal home remedies then, that everybody could buy. I assume if governments back then had gone on crazy anti-drug crusades they would have had very unhappy constituents. So people did have effective painkillers on hand.

(ETA: also as the comment below mentions, people let themselves be cut open for stones since ancient times, they just died a lot of complications and it hurt without anesthesia, but the Hippocratic oath when talking about physicians vs surgeons/barbers says "I will not cut for stone, even for patients in whom the disease is manifest; I will leave this operation to be performed by practitioners, specialists in this art." so there pretty much never was a time before surgery, your chances just sucked somewhat back then...)

[rembrandtswife]

Seriously, what did people do before surgery and painkillers?

Well, when they had surgery but no painkillers, they wrote music describing the horrors of gallbladder surgery:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yAfUUgg25_U

[parhelion]

Oddly, I never got pain medications for my gallstones because I couldn't persuade anyone the problems were due to my gallbladder. They finally believed me (after three years of intermittent attacks) once I turned yellow with jaundice and they eliminated hepatitis.

Anyhow, the only non-prescription techniques that worked were walking and Altoids peppermints. The peppermints also worked well for one other person I knew who had gallstones but made a second nauseous, so I don't know from placebo effect.

It was an interesting experience.

[akacat]

I wouldn't share this with just anyone who's in pain, but I think you'll appreciate this: a doctor at the South Pole one winter in the 60s had to remove his own appendix himself. Mostly by feel, since he couldn't really see what he was doing.

Clickie here only if you want to see a picture of the surgery itself.

[concinnity]

o_O. Wow.

[winter_elf]

Owwwwwwwwwwwwww! How many stones did you have? I wonder, if you pass them, will you still need the surgery to evict Horace?

My mom had a stone pass when I was a kid (15 ish), she said it was worse than labor and was laying around in pain. But she didn't go to the hospital, and she didn't get her gallbladder removed. But, that was back in the 80's... so maybe it's different now.

[litotease]

Jello. Jello won't bother Horace. For the week before my gall bladder surgery, jello was, in fact, the only thing I could eat without agony &/or puking.

Those looks you're giving the pantry aren't actually paranoid.

[cathalin]

Oh, you poor bb!!!

*hugs you*

I'll keep my fingers crossed Horace will behave until he can be... ~removed. For what it's worth, my sister ended up with emergency gall bladder surgery (she hadn't been diagnosed :( ) and things got waaaay great for her after. It might be affecting you even more than you realize.

[concinnity]

Sidenote: if you start hallucinating, go to the ER and they'll be all over that shit. At least, this one time I got a kidney infection that I ignored until I started hallucinating from the pain, and when my boyfriend carried me in to the ER they were ALL ABOUT getting me conscious and pain-free. :)

Since I REALLY REALLY hope you're not at the hallucinating levels of pain, and jello seems to be in the offing, I offer you the secret recipe of my great-grandmother's "wine jello." Get a packet of jello, preferably red. Fill up your jello mold (you do have a jello mold, don't you?) with wine. If no wine (if, say, you perhaps live in a dry county, as grandma did), fill mold with 1/2 moonshine, 1/2 water. Sprinkle in jello packet. Put mold in fridge until semi-solid. Serve and enjoy the kick. It won't cure what ails ya, but you won't notice so much for awhile.

[dancing_serpent]

Urgh, yeah, it always starts in the back, that's why it took me almost two years to get another diagnosis. And then the pain spreads, and well, you know the rest. *wince*

As for dignity...I usually ended up slumped over the toilet. Not much better.

Only consolation is that it stops immediately after surgery.

[everysecondtuesday]

DDDDDD:

I'm really hoping you get a surgery date soon.

[elaran]

hope horace behaves himself

b.) hello, epidural
i laughed because my bf finished an O&G rotation here and emerged with an outlook of holy fuck epidurals are the best thing modern medicine has given us *insert awestruck look at nearby female*

also because bff and i had a random conversation that went along the lines of gimme the good drugs all the way, how is that even a question?!

*sympathy*

[evildrem]

I went through this several times earlier this year only with added projectile vomiting hence the surgery.

I would third the opinion about avoiding fat. While I was waiting for surgery date etc I just ate very low fat diet as fat and oil will trigger an attack. Bile is secreted by the liver all the time and then stored in the gall bladder for help in digesting fatty meals. When you eat something with fat the gall bladder contracts to squeeze bile into the digestive tract. If you have gall stones these contractions hurt and that pain increases when the contractions cause a gall stone to get stuck in the bile duct.

Dihydrocodeine worked a treat for the pain but I suspect you will need to see a doctor/hospital to get any of that. I found co-codamol helped if I took it regularly as a preventative. I have no idea what that would be sold as in the US. Possibly Tylenol?

Re: *sympathy*

[lebannen]

Tylenol is just paracetamol :(

... oh no wait, except when it isn't. Tylenol 1, 2 and 3 (Tylenol with increasing amounts of codeine in, as well as the paracetamol) all require a prescription in the US (according to wikipedia, anyway). Bah.

Co-dydramol (paracetamol with a different kind of codeine!) is Paramol, which may or may not be available over the counter in the US.

... I seem to be bored at the moment?

[hivesofactivity]

Ach - that sounds just awful. May they schedule your surgery very, very soon, and may it go speedily and well.

[lizziebethlj.livejournal.com]

Horace is out of hand - he must be stopped. I'm sending death rays with my mind.

Hopefully the vicodin (mmmm...vicodin) has kicked in and you can slump over your pillows in a lovely haze. Thinking good thoughts!!!!

[ellixis.livejournal.com]

Terrifyingly enough, vicodin does very little for gallbladder pain. I've had it for surgical pain, so I know how it's supposed to go (Pain? Yep, still there, but pretty much irrelevant), but it makes just about half a little dent in gallbladder pain when it's really bad. This sort of makes it worse, because that was supposed to help.

[silviakundera.livejournal.com]

Seriously, what did people do before surgery and painkillers? I have never in my life so much appreciated I was born in the age of electricity, chemicals, the internet, and pharmacies.
This reminds me of the best-worst subplot of HBO's 'Deadwood', with the horrific passing of the stone. *shudders*

[aivilo-18.livejournal.com]

That is so epically shitty, dude.

My mom had the exact same thing as you. Sometimes I catch her reminiscing about having her gall bladder removed and calling it her Happy Miracle Working Fun Times Express Tour, so you do have something to look forward to. I'm pretty sure mom has her surgeon somewhere in her will.

[pir8fancier.livejournal.com]

I went through natural childbirth with kid who has a huge-ass head (with some complications that will essentially scar you for life if I go into detail), and pain from my gallbladder was worse. Can they move up your surgery? (I lived on Gatorade and soda crackers for three months).

[seperis.livejournal.com]

I"m hoping? My doctor has to refer to the surgeon, the surgeon calls me in to consult, blah blah blah--but if it gets worse and teh painkillers dont' work (or tehre's fever, etc), I think his advice was to go to the ER straight away. I'm pretty sure he's moving up the consult now, though. *crosses fingers*

And dear God. *sends hugs* I read (many years later) on LJ on childbirth forums about so many natural childbirths that I'm still getting over it.

[lexstar29.livejournal.com]

I am so sorry you are suffering so much pain. Here's hoping that Horace behaves himself till he can be stopped.

[boggit.livejournal.com]

That sounds absolutely godawful. I think you've redefined "adding insult to injury" for the 21st century.

I'm not sure that even if that was one's kink, being stuck ass-in-the-air while in agony in full view of relatives would be at all awesome. Unless you had a very *specific* kink.

When is your surgery scheduled?

If it's not SOON, can you find a video on youtube demonstrating the DIY version?

[ellixis.livejournal.com]

Down with Horace!

The only position that helped, for me, was huddled face down in a little ball on the floor - carpeted floor, it had to be, not anything more comfortable nor anything harder, hell if I know why - with knees tucked up, one arm over my head, and one arm twisted awkwardly underneath me so that it pressed all along my front. I think gallbladders like to injure our dignity as well as making us miserable physically. It's the only explanation.

[anjak-j.livejournal.com]

Gallbladders are obviously anti-dignity - 'Satan' often has me in a similar position, kin to the position one would adopt when grovelling for some sick, sadistic, twisted reason.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

YES THIS. JUST LIKE THIS. I think I ended up with cramps in my thighs, but didn't notice for the other pain.

[svmadelyn.livejournal.com]

He's probably acting up because you gave him an undignified name. The guy from Dr. Quinn? Really? Really?

[2naonh3-cl2.livejournal.com]

Hey! Dr. Quinn was totally an awesome show! :P

[2naonh3-cl2.livejournal.com]

Dude, before painkillers and surgery, I'm pretty sure that people didn't live this long. :/ Don't worry, I'm sure that next time, Child will know better and take lots of pictures.