i don't believe this is a conversation i actually had

Child: You have a half-sister. You get married to your half-sister's father. You have a baby with your half-sister's father. What will the baby be to you and your sister?

Me: What the hell are you watching?

Child: Christian and Ollie on youtube.

Me: Did you actually wake me up for this? Wait. I'm posting this convo. Tell me that again.

[this is where i started typing above]

Child: So you don't know?

Me: German soap operas? Seriously?

Child: You really don't know?

Me: You want to see penises split to look like squid? Wait, I bookmarked this just for you.

Child: I'm going to go watch my soaps now.

Me: German soaps! With subtitles!

This is when I realized it was almost five. I'm so selling him. When people talked about the wonder of parenthood, for the record, being woken up at five in the morning to squint at subtitled German soap operas to work out complex dysfunctional family relationships was not mentioned and come the hell on. I'm protesting.

To other fen on my flist with kids who are smug and whose fanchildren are still adorable and small--this is your future. Just think about that one.

Next time, I'm sending him to two girls one cup*, I swear.

* if you do not know, do not ask, do not google, and for the love of God and sanity if you must google, do not click on any video links.

you would think this is self-evident

I finally went to the dentist for my broken front tooth. Even my vanity, of which I have much, was not proof against my instinctive hatred of visiting the dentist. It's hard to explain--wait, no, it's not, it's easy. It goes like this.

Dental Guilt.

You know what I'm talking about. You go in still carrying the memories of all the flossing you didn't do, the fact you skipped your six month cleaning, and all the coffee and soda you drank. You sit down and brace yourself when the dentist comes in. Because sure, he may not say it (but he does, every time), he looks it.

Well, mine always said it.

( blah blah blah awesomecakes )