seperis | May. 1st, 2006

One of the things I never used to believe existed were men out there so desperate to sleep with you that they would bribe you with gifts in hopes that your panties would be loosened in gratitude. No, I'm not talking about me here; I have long come to terms with my lack of femme fatale vibes--or any vibes of any kind, actually, I think I register as a cabbage on the sex appeal o'meter or something--but my sister, who is dating while on separation from her husband, who is also dating.

I work hard to know very little about Sister and Brother in Law--however, this one time, overinformation was good. In the last three months, the hope of getting seriously laid has led several men to contribute expensive and insane amounts of chocolate not only to her but to her daughter and my son; some kind of ion flat iron that was imported from somewhere and apparently does magical things with straightening hair, along with matching hair care products; dinner at restaurants so pretentious I don't even want to pronounce them; and finally, the real reason I have a strong urge to set my sister on a street corner, a Cuisinart coffee maker.

Oh. My. God.

No one told me. I've been using GE and Mr. Freaking *Coffee* and *this* was out there? Twelve cups of nirvana seeped through a water filter and into a brown paper basket filter, so good that I actually lost the ability to form sentences. Mellow edged perfection cooked up in less than ten full minutes, with multiple functions, wrapped in black plastic and silver edging, saying, "Jenn, Jenn, drink me." Oh my GOD. This is--you know, I'd say better than sex, but it's been a while, so maybe sex has gotten better than the last time I tried it out.

Oh my GOD why do I drink anything *else*?

Suffice to say, I have the coffee maker and she's getting it back over my cold dead body. She can pick up another engineer if she needs another one.

I'm goinng to take a moment with my creme brulee coffee and smile that the universe sometimes sucks so much less than I usually think it does.

Quotes

If you don't send me feedback, I will sob uncontrollably for hours on end, until finally, in a fit of depression, I slash my wrists and bleed out on the bathroom floor. My death will be on your heads. Murderers
. -- Unknown, on feedback
BTS List
That's why he goes bad, you know -- all the good people hit him on the head or try to shoot him and constantly mistrust him, while there's this vast cohort of minions saying, We wouldn't hurt you, Lex, and we'll give you power and greatness and oh so much sex...
Wow. That was scary. Lex is like Jesus in the desert.
-- pricklyelf, on why Lex goes bad
LJ
Obi-Wan has a sort of desperate, pathetic patience in this movie. You can just see it in his eyes: "My padawan is a psychopath, and no one will believe me; I'm barely keeping him under control and expect to wake up any night now to find him standing over my bed with a knife!"
-- Teague, reviewing "Star Wars: Attack of the Clones"
LJ
Beth: god, why do i have so many beads?
Jenn: Because you are an addict.
Jenn: There are twelve step programs for this.
Beth: i dunno they'd work, might have to go straight for the electroshock.
Jenn: I'm not sure that helps with bead addiction.
Beth: i was thinking more to demagnitize my credit card.
-- hwmitzy and seperis, on bead addiction
AIM, 12/24/2003
I could rape a goat and it will DIE PRETTIER than they write.
-- anonymous, on terrible writing
AIM, 2/17/2004
In medical billing there is a diagnosis code for someone who commits suicide by sea anenemoe.
-- silverkyst, on wtf
AIM, 3/25/2004
Anonymous: sorry. i just wanted to tell you how much i liked you. i'd like to take this to a higher level if you're willing
Eleveninches: By higher level I hope you mean email.
-- eleveninches and anonymous, on things that are disturbing
LJ, 4/2/2004
silverkyst: I need to not be taking molecular genetics.
silverkyst: though, as a sidenote, I did learn how to eviscerate a fruit fly larvae by pulling it's mouth out by it's mouthparts today.
silverkyst: I'm just nowhere near competent in the subject material to be taking it.
Jenn: I'd like to thank you for that image.
-- silverkyst and seperis, on more wtf
AIM, 1/25/2005
You know, if obi-wan had just disciplined the boy *properly* we wouldn't be having these problems. Can't you just see yoda? "Take him in hand, you must. The true Force, you must show him."
-- Issaro, on spanking Anakin in his formative years
LJ, 3/15/2005
Aside from the fact that one person should never go near another with a penis, a bottle of body wash, and a hopeful expression...
-- Summerfling, on shower sex
LJ, 7/22/2005
It's weird, after you get used to the affection you get from a rabbit, it's like any other BDSM relationship. Only without the sex and hot chicks in leather corsets wielding floggers. You'll grow to like it.
-- revelininsanity, on my relationship with my rabbit
LJ, 2/7/2006
Smudged upon the near horizon, lapine shadows in the mist. Like a doomsday vision from Watership Down, the bunny intervention approaches.
-- cpt_untouchable, on my addition of The Fourth Bunny
LJ, 4/13/2006
Rule 3. Chemistry is kind of like bondage. Some people like it, some people like reading about or watching other people doing it, and a large number of people's reaction to actually doing the serious stuff is to recoil in horror.
-- deadlychameleon, on class
LJ, 9/1/2007
If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, then Fan Fiction is John Cusack standing outside your house with a boombox.
-- JRDSkinner, on fanfiction
Twitter
I will unashamedly and unapologetically celebrate the joy and the warmth and the creativity of a community of people sharing something positive and beautiful and connective and if you don’t like it you are most welcome to very fuck off.
-- Michael Sheen, on Good Omens fanfic
Twitter, 6/19/2019
Adding for Mastodon.
-- Jenn, traceback
Fosstodon, 11/6/2022

May. 1st, 2006

insta!rec - Deflection by ltlj

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