...grow your penis now!

Finally have answered about a third of the email I rescued from my web filters earlier this week and am feeling more than a little triumphant. In that vaguely dull way of knowing that wow, I really need to clean my filters more. Or start adding to the exceptions list again, though it takes forever and a day. I bulk foldered it all with the idea of sorting it out and answering it immediately, but that didn't pan out. Gah.

What I don't get is, the subject line 'sparks' is a red flag, but the subject line 'want to please your woman' is NOT? Okay, what on earth is this program EVALUATING with? And dear God, a good red flag is anytime the email addy is a superrandom set of numbers and letters, so why on earth doesn't it check that out?

There's this chance I'm going to get penis envy soon, just on the principle that at this point, if I have to get these emails, I should damn well have one of my own.

And who, exactly, do these people think they are fooling? Does ANYONE look at an ad that says 'cumming girls and farmyard animals XXXX' and say, wow, I should go see this, especially since you filled my inbox with thirty of these in the last two days! Even if I were a fancier of unusual sexual antics involving in rural life with multiple orgasms and bad spelling, I would completely and totally hate them for doing this to my inbox and find other purveyors of antics who don't spam.

Does ANYONE click on the links or read these things? And if there are people? Can we have them removed from the net on the principle that they are too stupid to be trusted with a computer and are ruining the inboxes of the world?

And how many people did I just offend with that one? *grins*

I've been comtemplating hopes that the end of Season II will lead to a nice Clark meltdown. Discussion with latxcvi and CJ have both been interesting and informative, since both are a hell of a lot more analytical than I am in making good conclusions.
( clark in need of prozac )

Watched Armageddon and cried again. Marveled at the intense slashiness of Ben Affleck and Bruce Willis, and why, God, why did he have to die at the end, because this movie is like slashcentral, what with the use of phallic guns during a fit of intense jealousy (oh come on, really, who bought that he was worried about his daughter's virtue?), obvious displacement of feelings for the father onto the daughter, and canonical declarations of love. And the crying. Which somehow, Ben makes look intensely sexy and I have no idea why. My God, man, stop whimpering on the floor there and get your boyfriend back before he dies!

Yet he never listens, no matter how often I tell him to do that on the TV. Stubborn little bastard.

I keep coming back to this movie and think, why don't I write in it? Then I remember. Because he's dead. Dammit.

how snippets make the world turn

Iv'e picked up a weird, weird habit.

When I get a good AU idea (or a bad one, ask me one day about the Lex-pregnant thing), I write a single or a couple of scenes from it. Usually in the middle--you know, because I can't do a slow build up to save my life. Then I folder it and wait to see if it grows, kind of like making sourdough starter. Leave in warm place, hope for fermentation.

I just realized I have a LOT of these. Seriously. So I categorized them, and here are a few that went over, say, a few pages.

Breathe Again -- bizarre futurefic where Clark is listening to dangerous-evil-wrong acid rain outside and talking to dead Lex (who also talks back, because I have flexible definitions on sanity) while comforting the people who are hiding in the cellar with him. Yes, seriously, that's exactly how it starts.

Last Men -- the longest running series of snippets in my personal history of them, wiht other people also haveing contributed to it. I have bits from the present, the near future, and the far future. In one, Lex is seeing Clark for the first time since invasion, as Clark is getting Lex out of a Kryptonian lab. Lex-lab-torture is highly underrated.

All the Kingdoms of the World -- I have no idea how to explain this one, but it starts with what looks like Clark murdering someone in the middle of the street and wearing a LuthorCorp nametag. And also, Lois is dead.

Threaded Through It All -- this one has potential in a weird, not so understandble way, that I'm still working out. Clark is escaping a lab--he has no idea who he is, but he's remmebering, no idea of what has happened to him, but he's getting it, and no way to escape inevitable recaptue except one.

It makes me wonder why exactly these ideas didn't capture me while others did. I don't see a pattern, specifically, except if I have too clear an idea, I tend not to go for a story, since it doesn't need for me to write it if I already know how it goes. On the other hand, if it' too vague--such as Breathe Again--then I can't get a handle on what kind of world I'm building and move to something that I can understand better.

A break to that is the story that tstar78 has been looking over for me. A few days ago, I thought I was going to try my hand at writing a horror story for SV--which, btw, for those of you who pull that off? More power to you. I just don't have that in me to do it well, or at all. Annoying. Dammit. Anyway, it starts off--well, slow. And for those of you who have read my fic, you know I tend for the scream and leap method of storytelling, so this thing where it starts out around a kitchen table with not a crisis or trauma in sight?

*blinks* No idea why that happened.

Anyway, Caro said, keep going, and so I did, though honestly, I didn't expect to, well, get anything out of it but a writing exercise and trying to work my way back into using the past tense naturally (and this is fucking HARD. I keep having to go back and change everything to past, because my baseline is now present-tense. Not easy). And then it happened.

Like--a flicker. The beginning needs to be rewritten for this to ever become a decent story, but what's going on is coming together. Not completely, not enough for me to say, oh, yeah, I know how this one is going to go. Because I don't. I really don't, but I think I could find out if I keep going. But I know enough to know what the next scene will be, and maybe how that will build on another scene, and then, boom, there they are, possibilities. Caro tossed out several different possible scenarios she thought might be happening, and it was incredibly fun to realize ANY OF THEM COULD BE IT. And if I didnt' know which one it was, then Clark and Lex didn't either, and I like it best when my characters are as confused as I am.

It's kind of like watching a movie in progress--you think you know, but at any moment, what you think might not happen and the story goes somewhere else, and God, that's cool. It's my favorite thing. Because it's like reading and writing at the same time, where every word changes everything.

Again, keep in mind? I'm a romantic about fandom, about fanfiction, AND about writing.

Yep. I'm really crazy after all.

( ego-ish moment, ignore at will )