child has teeth, so far

Currently prepping for Child's dental appointment. Which may not go well, and is one of those places I fail as a parent, because at a certain age, parental authority fails entirely in teh face of outright hatred, and Child hates the dentist.

Most children hate the dentist, and most will be overcome with, you know, pain or fear of teeth hurting and go anyway. Child, not so much. As Child has a plan; he wants all these teeth to fall out--them being, IDK, substandard--and regrow them from--and I hate myself for this--that article I posted a bit back about regrowing teeth? Yeah, he not only read it; he took it to heart. Or get implants, which--you see where this is going. He goes to a science school. They encourage creative thinking.

However, luckily, his tooth really hurts--and I do mean luckily--and hasn't stopped and I called in this morning to the nearest available dentist who I will pay in cash if necessary, but one of them will have a carefully phrased discussion on the likelihood of gorwing teeth coming about in the next ten years or so and chewing. Which right now he cannot do while in pain. So--I mean, one should not be happy one's child is in pain, but seriously, he has at least one broken--BROKEN--tooth that I know of and this shit's got to stop.

Most of it is my fault in that I assumed--crazily--that he'd give in when there were actual problems instead of theoretical "oh, broken tooth would hurt". Instead, it's two years later and he would give in like a person with sense. Also, to be honest, tooth pain sucks; if anything makes you love a dentist, it is when things hurt and only they can fix it and I know from experience, that makes you a regular customer fast. I didn't realize he could blow that shit off for the most part.

I'm trying to think of a good way to phrase a moment of parental advice to pass down generations on how to handle pre-teens and teenagers with dental hatred, but honest to God, I'd like to see the parent who can physically drag their child into a dental office, plunk them down, and jack their mouths open for their own good. Bribery, threats of dental horrors, and the apocalypse do not help, for the record.

Comments

[laurajv]

Hmm. I'm trying to think of things that might have impact on someone his age.

- potential dates tend to appreciate teeth & good breath
- potential employers tend to appreciate good teeth
- getting implants is a very long and tedious process that involves lots and lots and LOTS of going to the dentist regularly for years (seriously, if you've ever seen someone go through it, it is not easy, it is quite painful, and it takes forEVER).

[ratcreature]

My brother loathed the dentist so much and my parents couldn't force him once he was fourteen or so, and in the end he needed most of his teeth replaced with implants by the mid-20s on top of being in pain a lot. But many of those implants only lasted until his early 40s so he had to get them replaced again, but over time his jawbone had deteriorated some, so he had to have some bone transplanted from his hip, and it was a long and painful process, and the health insurance did not pay for any of this (they only cover cheap artificial teeth, of the kind you have to glue in every morning). Each of these teeth replacement ordeals cost more than a nice new car, iirc, and took ages and many, many more dentist visits than simple earlier fixes would have.

[laurajv]

they only cover cheap artificial teeth, of the kind you have to glue in every morning

The English word for this (at least, the US English word) is "dentures", should you ever need to use it again!

[ratcreature]

Right, it's been in my passive vocabulary. (Also to be entirely correct the basic insurance doesn't even cover dentures without some copay, but the expenses don't really compare. And implants are still not as good as having actual teeth. My brother has long since regretted his teenage obstinacy.)

[laurajv]

Oh, totally. Implants take a LOT more care than natural teeth to keep in shape, and 2-4x the number of professional cleanings per year is recommended than is usual for natural teeth (at least in the US -- my friend who has implants due to injury has 4 cleanings a year, while natural teeth are either every year or every 6 months if you're a cautious type).

[cyprinella]

I suppose if you really wanted to bring out the big guns, you could tell him about the kid that died recently of an untreated abscess. (Dental horror story and a lack of medical coverage horror story!) Although, not sure if that would register at that age.

[sara]

You could tell him about my spouse, who skipped trips to the dentist for four or five years in college.

He had to have four teeth extracted, eight root canals, and I don't even know how many fillings. We spent the first five years of our working lives paying for getting his teeth fixed, so that he'd be able to get and hold a job -- his mouth cost more than our car. And that's not even getting into the months and months of pain and headaches.

Even a decade later, I still look back on that and shudder. It was worth it, but damn. That was expensive.

[grammarwoman]

That's pretty much my husband's story as well; he grew up on a farm with well water, so he didn't have the regular fluoride exposure. Plus, he hates doctors and has extreme needle phobia and sensory defensiveness, so when left to his own devices, he skipped years of dental care. When I made him go to the dentist, he had similar results to your spouse.

When most of his back teeth completely degraded, what was left were all pulled. He now only has his front teeth, and we're waiting for the dental plan to roll over so he can get those pulled and get fitted with dentures, at age 37.

I hope our son turns out to have better teeth and habits.

[winter_elf]

D'oh!! Dang it - is that why I have bad teeth!?! Never thought of that. (we had well water growing up - lived outside of town).

[kellyfaboo]

That describes the aftermath of uninsured and underemployed years pretty well. On the bright side I really like my oral surgeon.

Note: Tooth infections can lead to sepsis which can lead to DEATH.

[akacat]

Does Child go to the same dentist you do? If not, I highly recommend you switch him over to your dentist.

tl;dr
My parents took me to a children's dentist from age 7-14. At age 14 I absolutely refused to return, and they finally switched me to my mom's dentist. While talking to her dentist, I found out my old dentist was well known among the other dentists in the area as being a sadistic bastard. He got away with it because the parents usually assumed their kids were exaggerating.
/tl;dr

[winter_elf]

I hated dentists - till I found one I actually liked. Ask around - see if there is a different dentist who local friends kids like. It's all personality - they might be fine skill level - but are too 'brusk' or impatient or scary for kids.

My dentist is a nice quiet guy, who will always tell you first before he puts his hands in my mouth, explains everything-no strange equipment or tool to scare me and will stop a lot and pause to make sure you are okay.

[hivesofactivity]

I hate to be all "oh, I've had no problems with MY kid!", but I suspect the thing is, I've had no problems with my *dentist*. My kid is nearly ten, has had the same wonderful dentist all the way along, and as a result doesn't really understand the whole you are supposed to be afraid of dentists thing. He has had various minor things over the years, but last week had his first real filling, on a molar. I was in the room, and kidlet was so relaxed, he didn't even clench his hands on the armrests of the dentist's chair during the drilling - I was watching, and his hands were open and loose the whole time.

And that's certainly not because of anything I've done, nor even is it because of kidlet himself - I really think it's because the dentist is great with people, *and* is a great dentist. Maybe if you can get a recommendation of one who has both these skills? (I can't even claim that it was a result of brilliant research I found mine - it was just plain luck, as they were the nearest to us.)

[kalliss_lyrihn]

I went to the same children's dentist my entire childhood, and really never understood the whole "you're supposed to loathe your dentist" thing. Mine was utterly amazing: really awesome bedside manner, super gentle, etc. The only thing about him I didn't like was having to stop seeing him when I hit eighteen.

TL;DR: Having a very good dentist (in personality fit more than skill even) makes all the difference. Perhaps ask your friends or your kid's for recommendations?

[hivesofactivity]

I didn't even know there were special children's dentists! Kidlet's dentist is mine, too, and is great with adults as well.

Gah! Also tl;dr

[pudacat]

I work for a dentist, but don't play one on TV. Things to know:

1) Any crown, bridge, or implant has a shelf life. 10-20 years, if you're really lucky. Nothing is as good as the original. (That works in real life, also)

2) Pediatric dentists are mostly overrated. Some are really good, especially if they work out of hospitals, but a lot are like those described by Catmoran, or, if not that bad, know they can charge more for working with children. A decent general dentist can work with the kid, especially if the parent sees them. Kids pick up and play on the parent's attitude.

3) Point out that eating an apple, corn on the cob, or something similar will be impossible if all his teeth are gone. Then point out how repulsive that is to anyone s/he wants to get to know better, much less have sex with. (Yes, this worked for two teenagers I talked to, off the record, much to my boss's annoyance) Sometimes, you have to take the short range view.

4) Tell him you'll buy him a car, then deny it later. (Have seen this happen. No comment)

[dreamwaffles.livejournal.com]

My parents *were* my dentists, so I grew up playing in empty dental offices while they worked. And I can fall asleep when they're working on my teeth.

Unfortunately, that was instilled from childhood, so...

[bramble-rose.livejournal.com]

Totally no help here. My kids have been going to the same dentist since they were knee-high and they love him! I really think you have to get them used to it when they're little and get regular cleanings so they don't associate great pain with their appointments. Even the kid with crap enamel and fillings in every tooth likes to go get his teeth cleaned. Maybe it's just that we lucked out and got a great dentist :-)

[jamesinboots.livejournal.com]

Man. That's a toughy. If it was just fear, I'd suggest sedation for any visit
(even cleanings).

I've been scared of the dentist most of my life, but being a scientist... something that helps me is thinking about what they're doing. Each time they take x-rays - and my dentist likes to do them every 6 months (and panaromic x-rays every year or two) - I know they're checking out the changes in tooth placement, looking for issues between teeth or below the gumline, et cetera. I love constantly being aware. I love that my dentist has a "watch list" of a few teeth that are showing signs of wear and monitors them. It's lessening my fear gradually over time because I'm less worried about crazy dental surprises like I was as a teen.

You might be able to tempt him with a more scientific view - like, "hey, by getting your x-rays frequently we can track the growth of your teeth, we can keep an eye out for how your wisdom teeth are coming in, check for damaged roots inside the tooth, and we can detect potential jawbone deterioration." It sounds like he may not understand that teeth don't exist in a bubble - the way he treats his teeth impact other parts of his skull. Maybe he just needs some incentive to think about how what happens to his teeth impacts other things. If he can't find magic solutions (like regrowing teeth) for things like cavities eating away your jawbone, maybe he'll see reason. :D

[aslin.livejournal.com]

In some respects I have to agree with him lol. I am absolutely terrified of dentists. I'm not entirely certain that they are not agents of hell sent here to torture us all. I have panic attacks just waiting in the lobby lol.

[twinkelbelpeach.livejournal.com]

Nitrous gas is one of the greatest inventions of all time. I discovered it in my twenties and my now-grown daughter has never opened her jaws for any dentist without having the gas first. She has no dental fear other than financial.

[alwaysaddled.livejournal.com]

Instead, it's two years later and he would give in like a person with sense.

Frankly, I'm relieved to hear someone else has interactions like this with their child. There comes a point at which I'm speechless and boggling because, for all that I encourage her independence and creativity, her position makes no sense.

[viggorlijah.livejournal.com]

At one point when we were doing our paperwork for the adoptions, my husband and I talked about the traits we hoped our children would have - and we wanted them to be strong-willed and independent.

Oh what fools we were.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

*falls over and dies* You can almost hear the mocking laughter of a wish fulfilled.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

for all that I encourage her independence and creativity, her position makes no sense.

And you keep trying to wrap your mind around the logic because it has to be there, they aren't functionally insane, but--yeah. God, so much this.

[alchemynerd.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure how old Child is, or if one would be available in your area, but you might consider a dentist who specializes in children. My sister was terrified of going to the dentist (because the first one was a bloody idiot), so my parents tried a pediatric dentist; they were stunned when she allowed the new dentist to work on her. Of course, I suspect this approach works best on younger kids, not so much on teens...

[an-kayoh.livejournal.com]

I was was pretty lackadaisical about my teeth until I got braces and they showed me the 'what happens to your teeth if you don't brush them properly while you have braces' video - I got scared straight.

[viggorlijah.livejournal.com]

We did dental surgery under a GA for one kid because the work was too extensive and she was so afraid. I've helped sort of pin down a terrified kid, but the dentist will not for their own safety work on a truly panicking person. Have you talked to the dentist about sedation options?

What about buying him a dental health textbook? Not a kids' book but a textbook used in university for dentists, a 101-type text? (http://www.amazon.com/b?ie=UTF8&node=227611) You can get them cheaper second-hand, or bittorrent them if he reads on an ipad - I can find a torrent for you if you like.

I have had a lot of medical stuff done over the years, and I feel way better knowing as much as possible. I'm reading my way through some obstetrics and surgical textbooks now, and I can go okay, so that's why they want to do a C-section like that in these circumstances, and this is what will happen. Maybe when he understands the science and medicine behind it, he'll recognise what needs to be done?

Some of this is just bad luck. I have rubbish teeth genetically and hated brushing them, so have had lots of caps, root canals etc. My husband who brushes about the same has had ONE cavity his whole life, the bastard. My kids despite having no toothbrushes, floss or dentists for most of their lives have beautiful strong teeth.

[monkeypumpkin.livejournal.com]

I agree with everyone who suggested sedation.

[naughtyoldlady.livejournal.com]

Hah, my son wanted just the nitrous for having all four of his wisdom teeth out at once, because he didn't like the idea of being completely out.

He's totally up for general anesthesia if he ever needs dental surgery again. ;-)

[inu-spockya.livejournal.com]

dude, the nitrous is da bomb! they give it mixed with oxygen and continuously monitor your oxygen saturation, the whole time. totes worked for me when I finally admitted truth and had the remaining 11 teeth all out at once, at the late age of 52. best thing I'z done for myself in many a year. almost no hayfever this fall, not one sinus infection since the procedure, and I have a functioning immune system again. even my arthritis don't seem as bad, go figure that one.

I was terrified of dentists my whole life, after one horrid experience with a clumsy NHS twat put me off for good. even a wonderful uncle-dentist with ever such gentle hands couldna kill my fear. I was good in his chair, not so much anyone else's.

four separate abcesses, one all the way up along my cheekbone. nine of the eleven were surgical extractions, had to basically be chipped out a bit at a time.

the whole thing, subjectively, seemed about ten minutes long, the period breathing extra oxygen after seemed longer. very little pain even afterwards, no panic attack for the first time since moving 2000 kilometers away from my uncle at the age of sixteen, and woo, yeah, wolfie can eat anything except almonds now. even steak! even without no dentures (bitches are too damn spendy!)

so what, I can eat Cap'n Crunch dry!

tell yer son to buck up and be a mensch and not end up a toothless old fart like me. XD