Monday, February 25th, 2019 06:35 pm
escapade realization - social well empty or full?
So being an introvert, I always nodded along with the 'limited well of social interaction ability' because yeah, but I didn't actually think I really had that problem. When I wanted to be alone, it was to write, which by nature isn't super social, but here's the thing.
I used to smoke. Now, I don't, and this being my first con since this very important change, I discovered something.
My social well was always regulated by smoking breaks.
Not consciously, but it does now kind of occur to me how often my need for a cigarette would coincide with some sort of group social interaction after some period of time. And sure, I had a wonderful rotating social group of smokers with me, which you'd think would be also users of my well (God that sounds creepy, but I don't have anything better so ride or die on terminology here), but no. Like, yes, smokers talk a lot but we also are doing something else--smoking--and there's literally nothing like awkward silence in the smoking group because i'ts not awkward, we're inhaling. I guess like knitting but we're also getting high(ish)? I don't know, but I realized it while vaping with
norabombay, and yes, I've known her for fifteen years, we're like long-distance fannish semi-lifemates in that way that fangirls are, she takes nothing from my social well...when I'm vaping (and like a ton less at other times, or even none, obviously, but she was the one there with me at my epiphany).
Drinking obviously is excluded form the 'social well' thing--except then here I am with two major exceptions because as it turns out I do have a social well that can empty except when one of these two conditions are met. How did i realize this? How many times I was super enjoying this group discuss yet had to flee for reasons unclear but nicotine related except I just like hung out quietly outside looking at traffic in a sort of zen-way and maybe remembering to vape every few minutes? Or talking to nora, of course. Or writing because yeah, it happens and you gotta do it?
(Yesterday, I started a course of existential despair and unrelated cramping except those are related yeah, that's called PMS, which is yet another separate wtf because two thirds of my life this has been a monthly thing and yet, I did indeed spend way too much fucking time last night feeling a sense of hopeless despair while badly playing Atmos and getting no element higher than 38.)
So does smoking/vaping either act as no-take zone of my well or do they refill it faster than it would otherwise? Or both? Like, I'm one of those introverts who doesn't fear public speaking--actually, I love it--and audience size is a plus as far as I'm concerned. Yes, I do get that's an entirely different even if related social thing but still, that's one of my speed-chargers in the social well. The only thing that keeps me from generally volunteering for ALL THE PANELS (other than say, obvious reasos) is I"m also incredibly lazy, but this makes me think future cons, to offset my well problem, i probably should volunteer to moderate at every con I go to (I did three on Saturday and that definitely did the trick on social well things).
I feel like I should survey but I'm not sure how to frame the question. I just wonder if anyone else noticed something like that?
ETA:
kara_mckay has some really good observations in comments here. I'm still trying to assemble a better response than "Dude....." with pointing for I am more articulate than that and also no one can see me pointing.
I used to smoke. Now, I don't, and this being my first con since this very important change, I discovered something.
My social well was always regulated by smoking breaks.
Not consciously, but it does now kind of occur to me how often my need for a cigarette would coincide with some sort of group social interaction after some period of time. And sure, I had a wonderful rotating social group of smokers with me, which you'd think would be also users of my well (God that sounds creepy, but I don't have anything better so ride or die on terminology here), but no. Like, yes, smokers talk a lot but we also are doing something else--smoking--and there's literally nothing like awkward silence in the smoking group because i'ts not awkward, we're inhaling. I guess like knitting but we're also getting high(ish)? I don't know, but I realized it while vaping with
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Drinking obviously is excluded form the 'social well' thing--except then here I am with two major exceptions because as it turns out I do have a social well that can empty except when one of these two conditions are met. How did i realize this? How many times I was super enjoying this group discuss yet had to flee for reasons unclear but nicotine related except I just like hung out quietly outside looking at traffic in a sort of zen-way and maybe remembering to vape every few minutes? Or talking to nora, of course. Or writing because yeah, it happens and you gotta do it?
(Yesterday, I started a course of existential despair and unrelated cramping except those are related yeah, that's called PMS, which is yet another separate wtf because two thirds of my life this has been a monthly thing and yet, I did indeed spend way too much fucking time last night feeling a sense of hopeless despair while badly playing Atmos and getting no element higher than 38.)
So does smoking/vaping either act as no-take zone of my well or do they refill it faster than it would otherwise? Or both? Like, I'm one of those introverts who doesn't fear public speaking--actually, I love it--and audience size is a plus as far as I'm concerned. Yes, I do get that's an entirely different even if related social thing but still, that's one of my speed-chargers in the social well. The only thing that keeps me from generally volunteering for ALL THE PANELS (other than say, obvious reasos) is I"m also incredibly lazy, but this makes me think future cons, to offset my well problem, i probably should volunteer to moderate at every con I go to (I did three on Saturday and that definitely did the trick on social well things).
I feel like I should survey but I'm not sure how to frame the question. I just wonder if anyone else noticed something like that?
ETA:
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From:I started smoking when I was 14. I remember using smoking to block out segments of time -- for example, if I left the house at X time, I can smoke two cigarettes before the school bus turns the corner at the end of the road. It would be a while before I hammered out that 1 cigarette = 7 1/2 minutes. So, two cigarettes is 15 minutes, and 15 minutes is a break. Good, good.
Then there's the dual escape/socialization aspect of it. Smoking is a great way to step away from something, enjoyable or otherwise, without drawing too much attention to oneself or, at least, it used to be. It also could put you in the closest thing to a classless society we have, and one that doesn't require a whole helluva lot of social hoop jumping. Talk, don't talk -- it's all good. Smoking can be an introverted or extroverted activity, and it's one of the few that introverts and extroverts can do together without rubbing up against each other in uncomfortable ways.
I quit in my late thirties. It took me a very long time to get back on track with writing, which I used to smoke heavily while doing, and it also fucked with my perception of how long was a reasonable amount of time to work steadily at something, or to take a break from it. There's a helluva lot more to smoking that just the chemical addiction part of it, and I think that examining those other things and attempting to address them in some other way than, "Oh, yeah, if you smoke, you're driven by your cigarettes, you fuckin' loser!" could be very helpful for those trying to quit.
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From:Congratulations!
It took me a very long time to get back on track with writing, which I used to smoke heavily while doing, and it also fucked with my perception of how long was a reasonable amount of time to work steadily at something, or to take a break from it. There's a helluva lot more to smoking that just the chemical addiction part of it, and I think that examining those other things and attempting to address them in some other way than, "Oh, yeah, if you smoke, you're driven by your cigarettes, you fuckin' loser!" could be very helpful for those trying to quit.
YES. All of this. I think that's why I had such honestly amazing success with vaping; I was aware of the physical component and social but also the intersections. Vape requires steps, like smoking, just different ones, so I find/replaced it exactly into how I smoked. When I say it took three days, that's true, but a lot of that was doing the find/replace for all activities and getting used to them. It took me about a week to nail in all my changed steps smoking --> vape, the different shape and feel of the vape pen, how I used it, with my laptop, outside during breaks, while writing, each one I had to work it into. It wasn't a one to one match, no, but that was a matter of getting used to the changes. I had half a pack of cigarettes in my purse the day I first started vaping; I gave them away three weeks later at a bus stop with the same number of cigarettes as the day I started vaping. Never looked back.
I can still--and do--socialize with smokers outside, but the smell does indeed get to me sometimes when I am now used to delicious fruit and cake scents. But yes, I think it did help I approached it with the knowledge, like you said, I'm doing more than just getting off cigarettes; I had to address and remodel everything I did while smoking or related to smoking, not just the nicotine, or yeah, I'd eventually go right back no matter how much I loved being surrounded in a cloud of pomegranate and watermelon.
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From:But then I find heavy perfume clouds as intolerable, so I guess my tolerance for artificial scents is generally low.
Yeah, it's the same idea behind both.
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From:YES.
I washed everything in the house that I could wash, and if my husband visits smokers, he gets run through the shower and his clothes through the washer as fast as possible afterward. I was a heavy smoker, too, and I look back on it and wonder at just how miasmic the house must have been, and me always ready to light up the next cigarette and thinking that opening windows would probably deal with it. Incredible.
Dude, I know. It is everywhere whether you mean it to be or not.
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From:YES. I switched to a vape about two years ago and it has replaced almost all my previous habits - smoking while I drive, hanging out with the smokers outside, walking from the car to the store, and so on - like you and
Overall, I'm much happier with the vape - less expensive, less smelly, less destructive - but when I'm trying to write and my brain habits would previously chain my way through half a pack, it's really tough to Not Want that cigarette. (A couple of times, when I've really needed to buckle down for a deadline, I've bought a pack just to kick my brain in gear. But I try not to do that.)
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From:I didn't have that problem BUT there's a reason for me it didn't, though it would have about ten years ago before I became a program tester with an increase in salary.
I buy a new laptop every two or three years and they're fairly expensive because I need processor power/RAM like a lot as I code and script as a hobby, run a home server, and also work from home sometimes. (I give my old ones to my family so they don't go to waste and everyone wins.) When I became a tester roughly ten years ago, I finally had the salary to justify that (though yeah, I have to plan for the two-three year cycle carefully). Which led to the following: my first (and only) Alienware, Prince Harry aka Prince Hal3000. I had wanted an alienware forever and finally coudl get one. The coolest and flashiest part was the keyboard wasn't just backlit, it was backlit in colors and had a program specifically to do light shows with your keyboard and random computer lights.
Getting ash in the keyboard of my ridiculously tricked out Alienware freaked me the hell out. I trained myself to put down my cigarette when writing or pretty much doing anything because--literally, I didn't want to mess up the pretty lights. (Funnily, teh fact I auto-memorize lyrics means I quietly mouth or sing to myself sometimes while writing, so I never did keep one in my mouth.) Like, every so often, I'd still forget and do it, but the second I realized there was ash, I'd freak out and stop, and as I was still paying off Hal, I was oh so motivated. Also again, I cannot say this enough, pretty keyboard lights you could program!
In other words, basically pure luck and cool colored lights on my keyboard meant the transition to vape was easier there. And one weird advantage; I can put my vape down by my laptop/in my lap quickly when writing, and no longer accidentally burn myself reaching blindly for my nicotine when I don't want to look up. Which happened a depressing number of times a night.
This may not help but: have you looked into the Juul vape pens? They're literally the size of a cigarette and very very light. Nora introduced me and you could easily keep that one in hand or in your mouth at all times, its really is that small. I use a large and kind of heavy Smok x-priv that I adore, but I am seriously considering the Juul as a quickie addition. I just need to check the nic level available or if you can add your own to the tiny containers.
Her's the site with a pic: https://www.juul.com/shop/devices/starter-kit
I held Nora's and yeah, it's maybe the perfect cigarette size/weight replacement.
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From:Do you find any troubles with your batteries? I have a recharger and let them sit overnight, but it feels like they're draining more than charging? They go green, and like ... five puffs later I'm getting a flash of charge-me sometimes. (I'm not a technical person, so anything other than "red light=needs charged" is a bit beyond me. 'swhy I started with a Joytech. One button, no math. XD ) Maybe it's just temperature. If I warm up a battery in my bra for a few minutes, I get better charge time.
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