this behavior is actually normal, really

The benefits of working with my mom usually outweigh the times I don't understand why I thought it was a good idea to breathe that morning.



Short version--I create a family of three to test to make sure they can get TANF. This actually requires a working narrative, because whether her husband left her and the baby to starve and if he's the legal father are like, relevant questions. If it doesn't work and it should, I turn in a defect and there's a long back and forth occasionally growing more heated, with the developers saying HDU DOUBT THE CODE IS PERFECT and me going DON'T MAKE ME CALL MY MOM BECAUSE SHE KNOWS THIS SHIT AND SHE WILL FUCKING CUT YOU, but we say it more like "perhaps you should check the list of changes?" and I say "hey, do you mind if I transfer you to my mom?"

Then they look up and see my mom's cubicle five feet away and realize negotiations are over and I've deployed a nuke and there will be no survivors.

For a while, this was pretty much unanswerable. I invoke Mom, and the battle is over. The power of this is not that She Is Always Right--that's a given, and at that point, who cares about right and wrong, kill them all and let Federal Policy sort them out--but that she will fucking cut you, and she will do it in many life-destroying ways that include but are not limited to turning meetings into horror in which she will ask "So what part of X Welfare Policy are we talking about?" In this meeting, that is like asking someone "what color are your shoes? Blue? I need to look up 'blue' and why it's called that. No one can do anything until I'm sure all of us know what the color is, but most importantly and in excruciating detail, what it is not." There are weeks of perpetual meetings. They know life is over.

This is where I failed; I would deploy my nuke consistently within sixish exchanges because I'm tired of talking it out. So consistent was I, in fact, that the times I didn't were noted. Deploying Mom at them does not necessarily mean I won or lost--it means that even in the event I lose and the defect stands, they're going to be punished for it, and boy, are they going to wish I'd been drowned at birth. So one day, noting I was still fighting about a defect after more than a few days, they took a chance and during a conversation where I said (though in Politese) "HDU DOUBT ME DOING THIS WILL KILL MY SINGLE MOTHER CLIENT" they then said, "YOUR MOM IS ON THE OTHER LINE TRANSFERRING HAVE FUN WITH THAT." Honestly, I think that was actually what they said.

Oh fuck me.

See, when I don't invoke Mom and her rain of blood, there's probably a very good reason. And by probably, I mean there is a good reason; we disagreed about policy, and the last time we talked, I didn't imply but outright stated this would kill babies and she was never going to sleep again without seeing their faces or know their mothers were now prostitutes and illegal income means self-employment and no work related deductions but at least they don't have to pay for daycare, so well done Mom.**

Thing is, technically speaking, during our argument, my mother is not wrong. It's more I believe my right is better than her right because--okay, just, I'm more right.

My mom does not like people doubting Her Knowledge of Policy; that's why you end up at meetings about "what is the meaning of blue again? Maybe we need a second source." Her daughter has already accused her of outright homicide and occasionally, a very metaphorical form of genocide; a developer calling her to tell her that I'm still fighting for the defect is like me trying to send a lynch mob after her to get brutal justice for my imaginary clients and then letting all her crops in Farmville die.

To put it this way; I sic my mom on developers, they have sucky meetings. Horrible. But. When they sic her on me, I have offended the entirety of the agency and the state of Texas. There's no safe space in the world and I get all my defects policy-checked by someone who can cite it by memory, chapter, verse, line and year of implementation. She also deploys my son because the little shit will take bribes. Sometimes, talk radio is involved.

This is a long way to say, I just finished exchange six and I can't keep my phone off the hook forever. Just until the end of the day. And it won't. Fucking. End.

** I need to clarify how I can do that when I'm in a cubicle and the person behind me asked if I was okay because I held my breath once. I quoted self-employment policy, the section and number of restrictions on illegal income deductions, and then mentioned how clothes were expensive. There are a lot of illegal incomes, but the main ones we refer to are drug dealer and prostitute. And drug dealers would have no legitimate grounds to deduct clothing as a work related expense if it was legal to even deduct a work related expense if your income is illegal. Then I mentioned that the change in policy on dependent care. We can do this for hours. It never ends well.

Comments

[beachlass]

Oh dear. I'm laughing, but I hear your pain.

*offers cookies. or booze. or both*

[scrollgirl]

Ahahaha! God, I love your stories about your family :D

[fyrdrakken]

I used to work for my father while I was in high school and college. Unfortunately I never got to sic him on anybody because there were only maybe three other people working in the office at a give time and his policy when it came down to a dispute with a patient was that the patient was always right unless he was the one doing the arguing with them (and sometimes not even then, if he figured it was worth the goodwill to just let the matter go).

[cookie57]

I can tell just by the little bit you've told us that your right is absolutely more right. Just like I am always more right about child welfare policy. I am really glad I only have to argue that with agency directors and lawyers, and not your mother.

I prescribe alcohol.

[seperis]

*drinks* Sometimes, I feel like I will end up wriitng The Book of Seperis, Interprettaions of The Policy of Welfare, Federal, Though Shall Not Keep Fucking Up Housing Cost Ratios.

I mean, literally, the equation for shelter is unreal.

*drinks with you* My mommy is goign to make me take child to a reptile pet store and I just know I';m going have have to sit in the rabbit enclosure again.

[scy]

<3s you.

As you know I worked on the same floor (same department as my mother too) and I would get the Burn Unit version of 'yeah, well, if you speak with the ARNP *my mother* she will discuss it with you.' The translation for that is: You thought you could get away with it with the therapy department, and they laughed at your ignorance, but directed your complaint UPWARDS.

Btw, the ARNP controls your meds, access to fresh air and DISCHARGE. DO NOT MAKE ME INVOKE MY MOTHER. She is very unassuming and CUTE in her white coat, dress and sneakers, but DEAR GODS, DO NOT MESS WITH HER. (My father who is an anal retentive perfectionist says my mother is the best nurse he has ever met. Even when they are in a tiff about something else.)

Basically, on the Burn Unit, you will do what you're told, or you will GET IT. Um, and if you happen to speak Spanish? My mother/the therapists would grab me, direct me to translate and ENFORCE THE RULES.
*pets*

[jamethiel]

AHAHAHHAHAHAHA

See, my family and I do this the other way around. Mum and I--I love her, she's an amazing woman, but she's also a dragon. I mean, so am I (I have had one friend who has known me for a while and then met my mother. And afterwards, took a deep breath, looked at me and said "Y'know, that explains so much more about you") but I am a baby dragon in training and my Mum is the real thing, wise and cunning. And you think the conversation is going well, until BOOM, there was a weak spot you didn't know you have, she's just bought up ALLLL your past trauma ever and also, now you're missing an arm and she's still breathing fire all over you.

I'm kind of used to it. I grew up with it, eh, it toughens you up and it means that you don't fight unless you really, really mean it (also? It bugs the shit out of Mum that she can say something that's obviously designed to start a fight and I'll just laugh and let it slide, because she's being ridiculous) and there are occasions where I've won. However, it does bring up some glorious moments like these.

The scene: My high school teacher complained in parent teacher interviews that I was argumentative in class and that I corrected her spelling on the board. (My parents were quite strict on the academic side of things and she was probably expecting me to get a right telling off) My mum's response?

"I have been teaching for the last 30 years. I do understand the difficulties of teaching, but poor spelling can usually be averted by lesson preparation. The Macquarie Australian dictionary isn't bad, although the OED is, of course, better. Furthermore, I am proud of my daughter's ability to reason out and present alternative viewpoints. It is desirable that she do so with respect, of course, but surely a teacher as dedicated as yourself can see that having a student who is engaging with the subject matter can only be a credit to you."

I've never seen anyone look so gobsmacked in my entire life. It was glorious

[nagasvoice]

This is just sooo lovely, it makes me feel better today... OTOH, I can see where I would only want your mum on my side, aimed in the other direction.
ETA: and you, too, BTW, now that I think about it. Baby dragon = dragon, beyond a certain point size is irrelevant except to other dragons. Flames go that way, please-- AWAY from the wimpy human.

[sobelle]

Yay for baby dragons!! \o/

I can't relate to the idea of a strong mother... mine always acquiesced to whatever authority figure she ran up against. Whether it was regarding me or indeed, herself. Which explains why she was always baffled by my behavior; the cuckoo's egg left in her nest.

I am a Mama Lion for my family =)

[jamethiel]

I can see that having a mother with my Mum's personality (or indeed my personality) would be incredibly difficult and intimidating for someone who was less assertive. (Both she and I are accused of bullying. It's never intentional it's just that mostly we're right and not scared to speak our minds and that translates to other people being scared. IDK. I try to be aware of not riding roughshod over people, though. And occasionally I feel sorry for my brother, but he doesn't appear to be too oppressed and has mostly solved the problem by moving to a different country.)

On the other hand, sometimes you need to fight. And having a maternal example who has been threatened with excommunication from the church three times and got them to back down each time, who organises community campaigns which are pretty much without fail successful is fairly inspirational when it comes to taking on "the man". And I do know, that whatever our differences, if I am genuinely in distress she will be there for me.

Mama Lions are awesome.

[out_there]

*offers sympathy and tries not to laugh too loud*

[sobelle]

I am, without a doubt, entertained but mostly in awe of your Mom and your relationship... wow! =)

[tricksterquinn.livejournal.com]

YOUR LIFE IS INSANE.