This

Okay, what weirds me out about this site is that it sounds so over the top. It does, yet if you have ever worked customer service, every so often you read one and think, oh, God. I remember that.

Take this one:

Once a long time ago, or like, a year and a half, I was on the phone when our fire alarm went off. There's no way to tell between testing and real, and frankly, I do not care. I do not like fire when applied to my skin.

The chick I was on the phone with--and the alarm in the building is not subtle, and I held up the phone just in case--would not get off the phone. I don't remember the conversation, mostly because of near-potential-death and irritation, but it was pretty much that surreal.

That

A perky scientist came on the science channel to talk about how time travel is totally possible, leading to an escalating argument with one's eleven year old on the nature of dark matter (this did not come standard in the parenting manual and I did not have time to wiki; guess who won that argument). It is not fun to be pwned. He's grounded from working at CERN, which I added to grounded from not working on the Mars landing.

My parental thrills are cheap and easy.

My other option is the next perky scientist that does this, I will write down his/her name and when Child is in need of interning somewhere, that is where he will go. I can think of no worse punishment for anyone, unless it is waking up to Child saying "Mom, it was just an experiment, okay?" I still don't know what that's about. And you know what? Until such a time as it is forced upon me? I am totally not going to go find out. Denial is my friend.

Other

I need to make a list. Of what, I don't know, but lists always soothe me. I feel extremely unsoothed.
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  • If you don't send me feedback, I will sob uncontrollably for hours on end, until finally, in a fit of depression, I slash my wrists and bleed out on the bathroom floor. My death will be on your heads. Murderers
    . -- Unknown, on feedback
    BTS List
  • That's why he goes bad, you know -- all the good people hit him on the head or try to shoot him and constantly mistrust him, while there's this vast cohort of minions saying, We wouldn't hurt you, Lex, and we'll give you power and greatness and oh so much sex...
    Wow. That was scary. Lex is like Jesus in the desert.
    -- pricklyelf, on why Lex goes bad
    LJ
  • Obi-Wan has a sort of desperate, pathetic patience in this movie. You can just see it in his eyes: "My padawan is a psychopath, and no one will believe me; I'm barely keeping him under control and expect to wake up any night now to find him standing over my bed with a knife!"
    -- Teague, reviewing "Star Wars: Attack of the Clones"
    LJ
  • Beth: god, why do i have so many beads?
    Jenn: Because you are an addict.
    Jenn: There are twelve step programs for this.
    Beth: i dunno they'd work, might have to go straight for the electroshock.
    Jenn: I'm not sure that helps with bead addiction.
    Beth: i was thinking more to demagnitize my credit card.
    -- hwmitzy and seperis, on bead addiction
    AIM, 12/24/2003
  • I could rape a goat and it will DIE PRETTIER than they write.
    -- anonymous, on terrible writing
    AIM, 2/17/2004
  • In medical billing there is a diagnosis code for someone who commits suicide by sea anenemoe.
    -- silverkyst, on wtf
    AIM, 3/25/2004
  • Anonymous: sorry. i just wanted to tell you how much i liked you. i'd like to take this to a higher level if you're willing
    Eleveninches: By higher level I hope you mean email.
    -- eleveninches and anonymous, on things that are disturbing
    LJ, 4/2/2004
  • silverkyst: I need to not be taking molecular genetics.
    silverkyst: though, as a sidenote, I did learn how to eviscerate a fruit fly larvae by pulling it's mouth out by it's mouthparts today.
    silverkyst: I'm just nowhere near competent in the subject material to be taking it.
    Jenn: I'd like to thank you for that image.
    -- silverkyst and seperis, on more wtf
    AIM, 1/25/2005
  • You know, if obi-wan had just disciplined the boy *properly* we wouldn't be having these problems. Can't you just see yoda? "Take him in hand, you must. The true Force, you must show him."
    -- Issaro, on spanking Anakin in his formative years
    LJ, 3/15/2005
  • Aside from the fact that one person should never go near another with a penis, a bottle of body wash, and a hopeful expression...
    -- Summerfling, on shower sex
    LJ, 7/22/2005
  • It's weird, after you get used to the affection you get from a rabbit, it's like any other BDSM relationship. Only without the sex and hot chicks in leather corsets wielding floggers. You'll grow to like it.
    -- revelininsanity, on my relationship with my rabbit
    LJ, 2/7/2006
  • Smudged upon the near horizon, lapine shadows in the mist. Like a doomsday vision from Watership Down, the bunny intervention approaches.
    -- cpt_untouchable, on my addition of The Fourth Bunny
    LJ, 4/13/2006
  • Rule 3. Chemistry is kind of like bondage. Some people like it, some people like reading about or watching other people doing it, and a large number of people's reaction to actually doing the serious stuff is to recoil in horror.
    -- deadlychameleon, on class
    LJ, 9/1/2007
  • If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, then Fan Fiction is John Cusack standing outside your house with a boombox.
    -- JRDSkinner, on fanfiction
    Twitter
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    -- Michael Sheen, on Good Omens fanfic
    Twitter
    , 6/19/2019
  • Adding for Mastodon.
    -- Jenn, traceback
    Fosstodon
    , 11/6/2022

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