shelters are like nightclubs

The Search for Puppies (Dogs, Animals, Non-Pony Size):

So I do not have a puppy. However, I do now have applications at the Humane Society and the animal shelter, because there's like, no way to get a dog otherwise. You may think I am kidding, but apparently, getting a shelter dog is wait-listed or something, cue red carpet and bouncers staring at you as you leave longing eye-tracks on a variety of, let me say this now, hideously ugly animals (with good personalities! Sometimes. Sometimes, I'm just confused). And it's not like I'm picky on appearance--I want a.) good with kids and b.) does not try to kill anyone with their sharp, sharp teeth. I mean, seriously speaking, my expectations are low.

I mean, I would prefer an attractive dog, but honestly, personality beats out looks pretty much ten times out of ten. Dad's Luke is a fairly standard looking German shepherd with impeccable manners and a lazy streak and we love him for both of those things. I do not want the Chris Pine of the animal world.

...sorry, I needed a minute to go look at pictures of him in winterlive's LJ. It happens.

Anyway. Saturday we hit two places: at the Humane Society, found a pretty miniature poodle (dislikes kids, restraint issues, beady eyes), a daschund (dislikes humans and possibly air?), a boxer mix (beady eyes, a bad habit of staring at my throat longingly), and a kind of beagleish animal (pretty, under evaluation, gentle eyes, short). Then there was this super charming Great Dane/Pyrennes mix, which totally I could have loved but it was pretty much the equivalent of a pony and it wasn't done growing. I mean, sure, it could be fun to play with and to ride to the rescue of princesses, but um. Yeah. I'm just thinking that in the event of an emergency, I want to be able, in general, to not be dragged behind my dog helplessly. Which with that one? Possibly drag my house as well.

The Animal Shelter was in fact even more bizarre--it's not like one thinks of that as a hotbed of adoption, but honestly, yes, it was. Every dog--every dog I'd identified as a potential was Interest Pending or Adoption. There was a very nice looking golden-eyed Shar-Pei mix that was medium-large and kind of bony (needs feeding and laziness, which we could provide!), but he kept staring at my mother in this way none of us were sure was friendly, and also, they weren't entirely convinced on temperament with kids. I cannot remember the mix, but the second parent's general temperament was recommended for older kids, so sadly, no.

Found: five Labrador retriever puppies (OMG CUTE!) but disturbingly large for their reputed age with that frightening paw circumference that implies Pony Sized Dog; four pit-bull/poodle combos (you really don't see that one coming), and some other random mixes. But I'm totally not kidding; every dog I even felt a vague attraction to was already spoken for. And basically, the only ones I didn't were a.) some really really sullen pitt bull mixes (I mean, like, I am looking at them for family-adoption purposes and I could actually feel their scorn) and the pit/poodle, which on one hand, maybe, but on another, poodles are not usually super small child friendly and I don't know what kind of pitt the other parent was, and also, they were cute, but holy god the shedding. The shedding.

[And the size. I'm pretty sure they meant standard poodle (I--cannot deal with the miniature one on this; again, you really don't see that kind of mix coming) and the paw size was very, very unnervingly close to Small But Furry Pony.]

So you see why I don't have a dog. I mean, I may have to actually go to a professional breeder, which totally screws my resolution to adopt. There are a few rescues I've been looking at, but the first few I checked required a strip search and possible FBI background checks* before being allowed to look at a dog, so yeah, no idea where this is going.

[* really not kidding. A year or so ago they had a pet adoption day at some place and I was looking over the paperwork and realized there was a real similarity between it and the forms we use for people who want to become foster parents of actual children. Especially small breeds. Man, there was space on that application to put your criminal record. Not even including multiple home visits and a trial period.]

The Search for Betas (Long, Long, Long Story Size):

It's--not done, current count 35K. Estimated word count is 50k in final draft, but svmadelyn has bet on 60K, so who the hell knows. The reason I'm asking when I'm still about 15K from final is that it's actually three sections that are also (somewhat) self-contained, and the first two are complete and I kind of want those done separately on their own before the whole thing is done together for continuity.

Reboot, sequel to You'll Get There in the End, did I mention it's going to be long and patience will be required? Probably two weeks until completed. Email at seperis at gmail or comment here.

In closing: I may never get a dog.