seperis | Jul. 28th, 2007

While working on editing the fic that will never finish being beta'ed (seriously. I think this one wont' be posted until the new millennium. Not exaggerating) and controlling the urge to add in a random vampire attack (this is hard. I like vampires. I like fighting. You see where this could go) I decided to count instances of punctuation.

...please, please do not judge me.

Anyway.

207 semicolons
33 colons
559 -- ~~(dashes?)~~EM DASHES THANK YOU

jengrrl and

amireal
5513 commas
5383 periods
3894 quotation marks
2820 apotrophes

Okay, before there is an unfriending orgy because it's officially likely I'll end up on a talk show in twenty years talking about how the letters dance, let me explain.

When

eleveninches was betaing "The Principle of Exclusion", she had a special note for me about the -- ~~(dashes? God I should know this)~~ em dashes. It was a special capitalized note. It might have been sparkling to get my attention. To wit, stop it with the ~~dashes~~ em dashes. So I viewed the advice, found it good, and went to discover what crimes I could commit against some other form of punctuation.

I discovered the semi-colon.

Semis and I have never been close. It's just not that kind of relationship, you know? We talk sometimes, but it's stilted. They don't understand me. I don't understand them. We had some arguments--you know how it goes. ~~Dashes (fuck it, I'll call them that until someoen corrects me)~~ Em dashes and I have been OTP for years. We're practically *married*. I named a set of freckles after him, you know? We're happy. But I kept thinking, I'm too young to settle down. I need to branch out. Check out the other punctuation in the sea.

So now I do this thing where I think, let's semicolon this! Or colon it! And look up the official grammar guide! (I have never done this in my life.) I suppose this is kind of the grammatical version of reading How To Get a Boyfriend or something. We're still not sure we understand each other, but we do have fun.

I just don't know how long this relationship will last, really.

Quotes

If you don't send me feedback, I will sob uncontrollably for hours on end, until finally, in a fit of depression, I slash my wrists and bleed out on the bathroom floor. My death will be on your heads. Murderers
. -- Unknown, on feedback
BTS List
That's why he goes bad, you know -- all the good people hit him on the head or try to shoot him and constantly mistrust him, while there's this vast cohort of minions saying, We wouldn't hurt you, Lex, and we'll give you power and greatness and oh so much sex...
Wow. That was scary. Lex is like Jesus in the desert.
-- pricklyelf, on why Lex goes bad
LJ
Obi-Wan has a sort of desperate, pathetic patience in this movie. You can just see it in his eyes: "My padawan is a psychopath, and no one will believe me; I'm barely keeping him under control and expect to wake up any night now to find him standing over my bed with a knife!"
-- Teague, reviewing "Star Wars: Attack of the Clones"
LJ
Beth: god, why do i have so many beads?
Jenn: Because you are an addict.
Jenn: There are twelve step programs for this.
Beth: i dunno they'd work, might have to go straight for the electroshock.
Jenn: I'm not sure that helps with bead addiction.
Beth: i was thinking more to demagnitize my credit card.
-- hwmitzy and seperis, on bead addiction
AIM, 12/24/2003
I could rape a goat and it will DIE PRETTIER than they write.
-- anonymous, on terrible writing
AIM, 2/17/2004
In medical billing there is a diagnosis code for someone who commits suicide by sea anenemoe.
-- silverkyst, on wtf
AIM, 3/25/2004
Anonymous: sorry. i just wanted to tell you how much i liked you. i'd like to take this to a higher level if you're willing
Eleveninches: By higher level I hope you mean email.
-- eleveninches and anonymous, on things that are disturbing
LJ, 4/2/2004
silverkyst: I need to not be taking molecular genetics.
silverkyst: though, as a sidenote, I did learn how to eviscerate a fruit fly larvae by pulling it's mouth out by it's mouthparts today.
silverkyst: I'm just nowhere near competent in the subject material to be taking it.
Jenn: I'd like to thank you for that image.
-- silverkyst and seperis, on more wtf
AIM, 1/25/2005
You know, if obi-wan had just disciplined the boy *properly* we wouldn't be having these problems. Can't you just see yoda? "Take him in hand, you must. The true Force, you must show him."
-- Issaro, on spanking Anakin in his formative years
LJ, 3/15/2005
Aside from the fact that one person should never go near another with a penis, a bottle of body wash, and a hopeful expression...
-- Summerfling, on shower sex
LJ, 7/22/2005
It's weird, after you get used to the affection you get from a rabbit, it's like any other BDSM relationship. Only without the sex and hot chicks in leather corsets wielding floggers. You'll grow to like it.
-- revelininsanity, on my relationship with my rabbit
LJ, 2/7/2006
Smudged upon the near horizon, lapine shadows in the mist. Like a doomsday vision from Watership Down, the bunny intervention approaches.
-- cpt_untouchable, on my addition of The Fourth Bunny
LJ, 4/13/2006
Rule 3. Chemistry is kind of like bondage. Some people like it, some people like reading about or watching other people doing it, and a large number of people's reaction to actually doing the serious stuff is to recoil in horror.
-- deadlychameleon, on class
LJ, 9/1/2007
If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, then Fan Fiction is John Cusack standing outside your house with a boombox.
-- JRDSkinner, on fanfiction
Twitter
I will unashamedly and unapologetically celebrate the joy and the warmth and the creativity of a community of people sharing something positive and beautiful and connective and if you don’t like it you are most welcome to very fuck off.
-- Michael Sheen, on Good Omens fanfic
Twitter, 6/19/2019
Adding for Mastodon.
-- Jenn, traceback
Fosstodon, 11/6/2022

Jul. 28th, 2007

dating guide for the grammatically inclined

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