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who said the stars were in your grasp? they lied.
Today is a day of lowered expectations, in which I am adjusting what I expect of myself to reality.
This is what I hope to accomplish today:
1.) I don't actually manage to pry open my desk drawer to get my letter opener, the white-out, and a small pile of otherwise useless binder clips.
....no reason those are significant or anything.
2.) The next time someone says any variation of 'good day', including 'good morning', 'good afternoon', 'hello', or 'hey jenn', not excluding other standard local customs of greetings, I will not stare at their back and try to induce a sudden, tragic outbreak of hives by the power of my displeasure that Wednesday still exists.
3.) I will answer in sentences when someone asks me a question, not open iTunes and try to find an applicable song in my playlist Nihilism Is a Dancer* that has applicable lyrics. AFI and Anna Nalick aren't preferable to this kind of thing anyway.
[* actual playlist name. I gave up giving relevant names a while back and instead smush parts of unrelated lyrics together to see what happens. AFI and Anna Nalick and Afghan Whigs on the same playlist, that's what happens.]
4.) When anyone says the environment went down again, I won't hope they're being literal and not virtual. Okay, maybe not, because that kind of makes me laugh.
5.) When I get home tonight, I will not tell Child they have an open call for men to participate in a trial study about the feasibility of implanting artificial uterii. I will not tell him he's already signed up. I will not say how many grandchildren I think are appropriate. Nor will I imply I already have names for them. Instead, I will be open and honest and tell him if he really wants thermal-vision glasses for his science project, that's fine, but if he asks me one more time why we can't just manufacture the specialized gels in the backyard, seriously. Seriously. If I'm going to set up a backyard lab, it's going to be for meth, like anyone else sane.
*waves tiredly* Hi, I'm Seperis and this is a day of lowered expectations. Anyone else have any? Resolving to not commit homicide is acceptable; not being caught at homicide, however, may be reaching a little too high. Think about that one. I am. I'm not even trying to get into my desk anymore. Much.
In closing; is it time for that time of the month? *confused* I accidentally deleted the phone app I was using to track. Yes, obviously I can't do it any other way or I would not be an eternal source of shock and dismay at something that has occurred every month of my life for over half my life, excluding one year three months of pre-Child and Child time. That is why I had the app!
This is what I hope to accomplish today:
1.) I don't actually manage to pry open my desk drawer to get my letter opener, the white-out, and a small pile of otherwise useless binder clips.
....no reason those are significant or anything.
2.) The next time someone says any variation of 'good day', including 'good morning', 'good afternoon', 'hello', or 'hey jenn', not excluding other standard local customs of greetings, I will not stare at their back and try to induce a sudden, tragic outbreak of hives by the power of my displeasure that Wednesday still exists.
3.) I will answer in sentences when someone asks me a question, not open iTunes and try to find an applicable song in my playlist Nihilism Is a Dancer* that has applicable lyrics. AFI and Anna Nalick aren't preferable to this kind of thing anyway.
[* actual playlist name. I gave up giving relevant names a while back and instead smush parts of unrelated lyrics together to see what happens. AFI and Anna Nalick and Afghan Whigs on the same playlist, that's what happens.]
4.) When anyone says the environment went down again, I won't hope they're being literal and not virtual. Okay, maybe not, because that kind of makes me laugh.
5.) When I get home tonight, I will not tell Child they have an open call for men to participate in a trial study about the feasibility of implanting artificial uterii. I will not tell him he's already signed up. I will not say how many grandchildren I think are appropriate. Nor will I imply I already have names for them. Instead, I will be open and honest and tell him if he really wants thermal-vision glasses for his science project, that's fine, but if he asks me one more time why we can't just manufacture the specialized gels in the backyard, seriously. Seriously. If I'm going to set up a backyard lab, it's going to be for meth, like anyone else sane.
*waves tiredly* Hi, I'm Seperis and this is a day of lowered expectations. Anyone else have any? Resolving to not commit homicide is acceptable; not being caught at homicide, however, may be reaching a little too high. Think about that one. I am. I'm not even trying to get into my desk anymore. Much.
In closing; is it time for that time of the month? *confused* I accidentally deleted the phone app I was using to track. Yes, obviously I can't do it any other way or I would not be an eternal source of shock and dismay at something that has occurred every month of my life for over half my life, excluding one year three months of pre-Child and Child time. That is why I had the app!
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Or, alternatively, that I will not encourage the further mocking of the *sparkly* bunny rabbits the tattooed ex-biker chick just decorated our cubes with by making no further Twilight references to vampire bunnies?
...that one's hard. I'm not sure I could resist, either.
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although if I did, I would like y'all to fight for me to be labeled a terrorist.
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(I have your back, yo.)
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i.e. I will not compare LH to WalMart.
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I'm convinced that binder clips breed. No one at the office can ever remember needing to order them.
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I'm convinced that binder clips breed. No one at the office can ever remember needing to order them.
We're very close to the binder clips breeding in sufficient numbers to incite rebellion and take over the world.
adding to my list
Re: adding to my list
Re: adding to my list
Re: adding to my list
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Today's expectations: Four living housemates.
Seriously, midterms were supposed to be over two weeks ago!
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No promises on chairs or couches.
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Conversely, if I insult customers, I'll call them lackwits or older insults they won't recognize. Because they are fucking stupid.
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I am no help. I am still in FREE FREE FREE JUST OUT OF JAIL FREEEE land. :-/
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I'm hopeful I can make it through without insulting someone to their face (esp. coworkers, who richly deserve it) or throwing the phone through a window - the computer gives me more fits, but also provides pr0n, so it's safe.
if I get through the balance of the workday, I'm seriously contemplating blowing every bit of cash I've got on
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*managed to go to both classes this morning and is now at work, mostly conscious*
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What I've reduced this to: At least read all the material. Get enough sleep.
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You're not the only one it catches by surprise. Every single month.
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*giggles*
For me, since it's Thursday but tomorrow's Good Friday so today is the end-of-the-week and I'm in casual clothes for fundraising, my lowered expectations are:
- To be at my desk at least 80% of the time. Not wander to the photocopier, the toilets, the break room, the reception area and back again in an effort to make the boring and difficult tasks just go away.
- To make it to 5pm and then disappear.
- To not eat a pile of chocolate easter eggs heavier than my own head. (Up to that weight, I'm going to say fine, I deserve a little treat.)
- To not give in to the temptation to wear my headphones at work because the boss is away (headphones got banned. Now, all music has to be shared) to listen to more of "The Truth is a Whisper". Even though I really, really want to.
- To try to restrict my time thinking about Mozzie and Peter/Neal/Elizabeth to lunch time, instead of writing notes while trying to draft a budget for our area.
...in short, my goal is not so much to work productively as just make it to 5pm without obviously slacking off.
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By the way, it's a clear confirmation of lowered expectations that Avram Davidson's classic short story explaining the whole binder clip/paper clip/coat hanger dilemma, Or All The Seas With Oysters (http://www.isfdb.org/cgi-bin/title.cgi?46019), is available online only as an extensive publication history, but nowhere could I find the complete text. Anyone who hasn't read it already - get it from your library in any one of the zillions of options and read it now. Or soon. Or some time.
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1) Use a Chick-Fil-A coupon expiring today for a free value meal
2) call the IRS hotline to ask my question
I thought those expectations were low enough! But sad to report I accomplished neither because both required accomplishing before 10pm when they closed, and I was just then driving home from work after a 12 hr day. FAIL.
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Also, rereading this entry and point 5 has been making me chortle so. hard.