seperis: (Default)
seperis ([personal profile] seperis) wrote2011-06-12 11:35 pm

x-men first class: i say this with love

It's just, okay, see, Erik. And People Skills. Which he, let's all admit it, lacks.



This is one of those times that Erik's life of desperate revenge needed remedial classes in People: How To Recruit to the Dark Side wisely. Because I want to say, when I think Darth Vader could have given you better tips--think about that one--you are doing it wrong.

Good Times to Recruit: when missiles are bearing down on you, when the inevitability of death by human is, um, inevitable, right before, during, or after a truly spectacular orgasm, while sharing tender, life-altering memories of your mother.

Bad Times to Recruit: when one is cradling the recruitee who you just recently tortured by forcing him to endure being stuck in Shaw's body while you killed him, really slowly and gruesomely, with a coin (I know you were wearing the helmet and everything, but the audience watched and let me tell you, Charles was not really taking that death-by-proxy thing well at all, what with the screaming and sobbing and intense horror and pain), and then deflected a bullet into his back that will leave him paralyzed. (Note: he wasn't even bitching about the death thing once the missile business started. YOU WERE IN. JESUS.)

Erik, I am with you, okay? The movie was all about showing the One Right Way doesnt' necessarily exist, and you had sympathy on your side; God knows, I am there. I am saying, better idea--don't leave the recently-shot failed recruitee alone on the beach to find out he's paralyzed. Take him to a hospital.

It's like you never read a goddamn romance novel in your life. HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF H/C? ARE YOU HIGH?

Just, okay, I get your people skills aren't up there with legend, but I'm going to share a secret; Charles was a pretty sure thing. Future note: when one is recruiting, a.) less rhetoric, more concern for their spinal cord and b.) choose your battlefield.

P.S. Also not helpful? Running off with his sister. Just. Go watch the Star Wars trilogy (when it is released in a few years) for some helpful tips on What To Do When Your Recruitee Is Stubborn (hint: lightning is also not useful. In fact, if Darth Vader or the Emperor does it, just write it down as Do Not Do. This will help. Promise).

This has been a message from the side of the force who thinks Erik and Charles' Zany Adventures Taking Over the World would be the greatest thing ever.



I have a seven page essay on the movie I haven't finished so far. Yeah. I--find it weird.

[identity profile] dragongirl16.livejournal.com 2011-06-13 05:12 am (UTC)(link)
*chokes laughing* "HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF H/C? ARE YOU HIGH? Oh, man. That was awesome. I would read a thousand, thousand, thousand Adventures in Taking Over the World and clap like a seal every time. I'm just saying.

[identity profile] seperis.livejournal.com 2011-06-13 05:21 am (UTC)(link)
ME TOO.

Just--I wanted to slap Erik around for picking the worst time in history to be all MUTANT SUPREMACY when you know, Charles had just been tortured and accidentally paralyzed by him? Charles was not feeling mutant supremacy at that moment, you know? He was mostly very 'I am losing sensation in my legs, this is not good times' and man, I can't even blame him for being "GTF away from me, I AM NOT FEELING PHILOSOPHICAL RIGHT NOW KTHX, I AM FEELING A LACK FO FEELING FUCKER". Just, bad time. Very bad time.

[identity profile] dragongirl16.livejournal.com 2011-06-13 06:05 am (UTC)(link)
I know, right? I mean, could the director be any less subtle with the missile thing and their epic love affair? I mean, Erik manages to keep directing the missiles through everything, even getting shot at - but, BUT! Charles getting shot? Everything falls down and he's not even paying attention to the humans and is totally focused on Charles and HELLO ERIK. HERE'S A ROLL OF QUARTERS AND A CLUE MACHINE. GO TO TOWN. AND! Charles STILL calls Erik his friend, EVEN THOUGH HE JUST GOT SHOT. I mean. Hello. Erik? Best thing to ever happen to you and YOU LEFT IT!

*so,so,so needs some epic fix-it fics*

[identity profile] seperis.livejournal.com 2011-06-13 07:44 am (UTC)(link)
THIS FIX-IT MORE NEEDED NOW.