so two days, huh?

[seperis]

Inspired by OTT on SF_Drama, and because I need a laugh and because we are t minus two days from surgery, though I am now comforted because astolat sent me a Horace who actually likes me (see him smile?) (*hearts astolat*). Horace the Most Awesome will join me in the hospital and considering the power of my death grip, possibly will be clutching during surgery. Seriously. Fingers of steel.

Anyway, tell me your hilarious "sick" stories, as made famous by Ally at Hyperbole and a Half's unfortunate experience of being sick at a Texas track meet. Or post links to funny stories! Bonus points for hilarious body fluid anecdotes.

*clutching the stuffed Horace not filled with hate*

Comments

[akavertigo]

I once got sent to the nurse by teacher...who thought I was having black outs. (No, just napping with my eyes open, sir.)

I once used myself as a Show'N'Tell item to pass Health Class.

Oh, and my sister used to date my dentist. Which is a damn odd thing to learn when the man has you down iwth a drill in your mouth.

no bodily fluids, but it was really funny at the time

[jenna_thorn]

The ER in my local hospital has each room cheerfully painted in a different theme. I was in the fish room, with cartoon goldfish with bulging eyes swimming along the wall and a dolphin hanging from the ceiling.

The room next to mine was the puppy room, and front and center of that mural was a three foot dog chewing a four foot cartoon bone.

That's the room where they put the kid with the greenstick fracture.

8-)

[reginagiraffe]

A long time ago I had my tubes tied. The way they do this is to make a tiny incision in your belly button, another in your pubic hair and then blow up your insides with air to have enough room to work. They try to get as much air out as possible before closing you up but there's always some left.

After I woke up from anesthesia, I found myself unconciously rocking forward and back. After a little while, I felt like I was going to throw up. But instead I burped. For about FIVE SECONDS. (Count it out loud - One thousand one, One thousand two, One thousand three, One thousand four, One thousand five. Yes, a VERY LONG BURP!)

My husband (who was in the room with me) and I start giggling like 12-year-olds. The nurse pokes her head in and asks if everything was okay. We had to pretend to be grown-ups and reassure her that everything was fine. I don't imagine she was used to people laughing in the recovery room.

And then a few minutes later I did it AGAIN. (Although this was a mere 2 or 3 seconds in length.)

[akavertigo]

Oh, oh! Forgot another favorite. One of my closest friends works at the local hospital, the same one my physician group uses for testing and etc. So occasionally I get phone calls along the line of "I'm looking at your blood! It looks like syrup!"

Always a comfort, that.

[laurajv]

So, when I was a preschooler, I had appendicitis. My pediatrician had a usual diagnostic for that for very young kids: he would ask them to jump up & down, because kids with appendicitis are in enough pain that they won't do it.

He made the mistake of explaining this (to my mother, but in front of me). So he asked me to jump up and down, and I was NOT going to go to the hospital, no sirree, so I jumped up and down without flinching. Got sent home with a lollipop and a freshly ruptured appendix.

GO ME.

Ended up with an emergency appendectomy and a much longer hospital stay because of it, but at least my parents learned you had to be very careful what you said in front of me....

[out_there]

Dental story, but close enough. To get braces when I was seventeen, they had to remove two teeth (to make space sot he rest could go flat). Both around the eye-teeth area, easy to get to, so done in the dental chair. First one, came out fine. Second one...

...was a little more firmly rooted.

Now, you have to imagine me lying back on the dental chair, wiht a lovely young dentist who gave me double the amount of needles -- I couldn't feel a thing -- and mum standing in the corner, because she believes if she's standing guard, they'll see her and make sure they're nice to her kids. (I can't disprove this theory so, y'know, it might work.)

Poor lovely young dentist is leaning over me, has the plier-type things around the tooth, and this tooth just won't let go. Until it suddenly does, and goes flying over his shoulder, ricocheting across the far corner and landing on the middle of the floor.

If you ask me, it was the funniest thing I'd ever seen (especially lovely young, twenty-something kind of cute guy dentist. The expression on his face of utter shock was hilarious). Could be because I was feeling absolutely no pain, but mostly, it was the clatter my tooth made as it hit the wall.

Needless to say, Mum did not find it funny. (And still doesn't.)

[tricksterquinn.livejournal.com]

Oh, I am JEALOUS. I had an absurd number of needles to take out a tooth with half the root still attached once, and I still felt it. It just left me with a phobia of needles which lasted about six months (until the next time I had to get a shot somewhere NOT in my mouth, whereupon I was like "Oh yeah, these don't bother me a bit.").

[out_there]

Oh, my dentist was *lovely*. And, unfortunately, only on-loan to a practice down here for six months, and then returning interstate. Such a pity to have someone so good leave.

I had an absurd number of needles to take out a tooth with half the root still attached once, and I still felt it.

Yeah, I felt the pressure and the movement, but no pain or discomfort. All in all, given that I've had the wisdom teeth out too (in hospital though, while I was out), I'm doing pretty well to have six teeth out without feeling any pain at the time. And having good painkillers for afterwards.

[brownbetty]

I was in recovery for abdominal surgery, when a doctor came in and asked if she could take a look at my nethers, since there had been some white blood cells in my urine. I said sure, because by this point I've had everyone up in my business and have lost any kind of natural modesty.

Unfortunately, the cleaning man who came in to change the garbage hadn't. He turned bright red and fled like the hounds of hell were following him.

[seekingeden]

Hm, not exactly a 'sick story' but when I woke up from the anaesthesia during which they cut out the golf ball big abscess [so much pain and then no pain at all <3] I remembered chasing zombies with a cooking spoon >_>

[ratcreature]

Does your stuffed Horace have a zipper and opens to reveal tiny stuffed gallstones?

[seperis]

He has that beanbag stuff in his bottom, which I assume are stones. It's hilarious.

[aivilo_18]

Not exactly a sick story.  Well, it is a sick story but it was my own useless fault…
 
I basically got obliterated on my 27th birthday, tripped ass-over-head over a discarded toilet someone had left out for garbage, and got a really super incredible bruise on my ass that kind of looked like the shape of Manitoba if you squinted hard enough.  Then I got home and threw up on one of my roommate’s cats.
 
And that’s the story of how I never drank bourbon again.
 

[harpers_child]

when i was a wee child (2-3 years old) i used to cheat on my hearing exams. i'd taken so many that i knew where on the board the tech would press to make which sounds and on which side. to this day i have a note on my file that says the tech has to put a file folder over their hands because i cheat.

[nagasvoice]

I've heard of waxing the cat, but this has probably much more amusing results. Poor kitty!

[deejay.livejournal.com]

I spent almost all of this past January in the hospital due to acute pancreatis caused by my pissy gallbladder ("fun" details start here: http://deejay.livejournal.com/164854.html). Almost a year later, the VA is FINALLY scheduling me for its removal sometime in December. Your surgery-related posts are most relevant to my interests!

*hugs and healthy vibes ensue*

[archaeologist-d.livejournal.com]

Is that supposed to be a gallbladder? It's hilarious.

Good luck with your surgery. You will feel better once you are all healed up. No more Horace pain.

[reginagiraffe]

I commented on DW but I have another story so I'll comment here. *g*

I had gum surgery and as it was the upper teeth, it was hard to get the icepack on it so I ended up bruising very badly. I looked like I had been beaten with a baseball bat.

While I was at my worst, my boss brought a young doctor who was a potential medical fellow around on a tour. I told her about my equipment and what we could do. She obviously noticed my bruising but was polite enough not to say anything.

Later, I told my boss, "I should have told her,'It's great to work here! *happy face turns to serious face* 'Just don't make any mistakes.'"

He was amused.

[vickita.livejournal.com]

I have, like, super-tolerance for all kinds of sedatives and depressants and such. I can drink *big* guys right under the table. Nyquil? Doesn't phase me. I require two doses of novocaine at the doctor.

So, the last time I had outpatient surgery, my dad brought me home from the hospital, saw me wander off down the hall to go to bed and sleep for a while, and settled in in the living room, expecting to spend the afternoon watching TV.

Ha.

I slept for *maybe* an hour. If you rounded up. And then I was fine. Awake. Bored. Could NOT stay in bed. My poor daddy ended up spending the afternoon watching *my* shows instead of his, and going out to pick up the Chinese I ordered for takeout.

The other day I was cleaning out the bathroom cabinets, and in the really, really high one that I have to stand on a ladder to get to the back of it, I found the bottle of hydrocodone tablets the doc gave me for that surgery. I had forgotten I had 'em. I don't think I ever even opened the bottle.

I send you all of my "Seriously? Is this all there is?" vibes, so that you and Good Horace will have a great weekend, sans Evil Horace. \o/ (Buh-bye, Evil Horace! You will not be missed!)

[boochicken.livejournal.com]

Erm, by hilarious bodily fluid stories, do you mean vomit? I can tell you why I haven't drunk fruit punch Gatorade since I was 8 years old....

[harriet-spy.livejournal.com]

Hee! spike21 sent me one of those, too, only it was a stuffed pancreas to replace my real one.

Note: you are probably not going to have anywhere safe to stow the little guy once you go into the prep room, and they won't let you keep him with you. So make sure whoever is going with you is ready to hang onto him for you!

[blacksquirrel.livejournal.com]

Best of luck. In sort-of-sickness stories - while recovering after I had my wisdom teeth out I watched all six seasons of SG1 that were out at the time - at 80k per ep, so they were about 2inx2in on my screen - while high on pain meds. The ka-woosh of the stargate was 1,000 times more trippy than usual!

[etty-kay.livejournal.com]

My dad has a heart condition where to get it back into a normal rhythm they apply the paddles for a shock and he has to be awake for it so the drugs they gave him make it so there is no pain and he doesn't remember anything but comes out of it sad.
According to the nurse after the first shock he sat up and roared f*ck and then after they where done he was convinced he was at a rugby game and his team had lost (the medical staff wear the same colour), so was really bummed until he came to his senses and worked out he was actually in the emergency ward :)

good luck with your surgery!

[lurkerlynne.livejournal.com]

I have a little Tigger plushie that goes with me to the dentist, and by all the forgotten gods, he will be accompanying me whenever I get around to having my bunion dealt with. Tig will be removed from my grip after the anesthesia has kicked in, not before, and I will demand his presence when it starts to wear off.

I will also demand the presence of SO but Tigger fits into the bed better and will not be subjected to those pesky visiting hours.