i don't believe this is a conversation i actually had

[seperis]

Child: You have a half-sister. You get married to your half-sister's father. You have a baby with your half-sister's father. What will the baby be to you and your sister?

Me: What the hell are you watching?

Child: Christian and Ollie on youtube.

Me: Did you actually wake me up for this? Wait. I'm posting this convo. Tell me that again.

[this is where i started typing above]

Child: So you don't know?

Me: German soap operas? Seriously?

Child: You really don't know?

Me: You want to see penises split to look like squid? Wait, I bookmarked this just for you.

Child: I'm going to go watch my soaps now.

Me: German soaps! With subtitles!

This is when I realized it was almost five. I'm so selling him. When people talked about the wonder of parenthood, for the record, being woken up at five in the morning to squint at subtitled German soap operas to work out complex dysfunctional family relationships was not mentioned and come the hell on. I'm protesting.

To other fen on my flist with kids who are smug and whose fanchildren are still adorable and small--this is your future. Just think about that one.

Next time, I'm sending him to two girls one cup*, I swear.

* if you do not know, do not ask, do not google, and for the love of God and sanity if you must google, do not click on any video links.

Comments

[kass]

::dying::

[seperis]

*hands* Just giving y'all a heads-up on what to expect so you can prepare accordingly.

[ariadne83]

What will the baby be to you and your sister?

You: it'll be your son/step-brother
Your sister: it'll be your brother/nephew

My niece is already asking awkward questions and she's only three. Sometimes I despair thinking about what my own kids will be like 0_0

[akacat]

Would it count as your step-brother, since your mother is no longer married to the father?

And if we're already going with the "half" designation, it'll be your half-sister's half-brother. Since it has the same father but not the same mother as her.

[bethbethbeth]

* if you do not know, do not ask, do not google, and for the love of God and sanity if you must google, do not click on any video links.

And if you must click on a video link, DO NOT DO IT AT WORK!

[/psa]

[akacat]

I'm going to go watch my soaps now.

Aw, he sounds just like my grandma. /lol

[fox]

I think the child is your child and that's it, to you (because you have no relationship other than marriage to its father); and your half-sister's half-sibling (through her father) and half-niece or -nephew (through you) simultaneously. Which isn't, as dysfunctional recursive family trees go, all that weird. :-)

[seperis]

True, it's not the Hapsburgs level of branchless family tree. Or even at the Bourbon level.

[cereta]

Warning duly noted.

[celli]

Fuck, I need to catch up on my Verbotene Liebe. What now?

[hermitsoul]

Christian and Ollie! <3

Oh, a link - don't click! Seriously. Well, unless you want to see pretty guys making out. Then go right ahead! (who exactly are these guys?) Oops? :D

[fanofall]

Your son watches Christian and Ollie. *wipes a tear* I'm so proud -- you taught him so well!

[clari-clyde.livejournal.com]

The scary thing is that if the internet had been around when I was 14, I would be doing the exact same thing. Because I was watching unrated french movies about dysfunctional people.

Unfortunately, I found out about two girls one cup because I was googling around for menstrual cups. Lovely! I wonder what other searches pull up the vid.

[fleurrochard]

LOL!

*squints at the family relationships*

The baby is your son/daughter and your half sister's half sister/brother and also her (half?)niece/nephew.
I'm not quite sure whether the baby also is your step brother/sister since the baby's father isn't married to your mother anymore when s/he is born. (If they ever were married, that is. I think step sibling only get - officially - made through marriage? Not just through a relationship? Hm.)

[amore-di-libri.livejournal.com]

Are you joking?! That exchange right there is about the only thing that makes me want to have kids ever. Your fanchild is adorable and, wait, woah, what time did you say he woke you up?

I think I'd train him to bring you a freshly brewed cup of coffee next time he wakes you up that early. Or at least a warmed up croissant. :D

Srsly, he's the awesome sauce to your plate of cool parent.

[suzvoy.livejournal.com]

Oh, Christian and Olli! <3

See icon.

[mylittlehottie.livejournal.com]

i wish i had a nickle(i guess these days it would be a quarter?) for every time i thought " no one ever tells you about this part of being a parent!"

[aivilo-18.livejournal.com]

I mean this in the least inappropriate way possible: your kid is going to get so much tail in university, it's not even really that funny.

[seperis.livejournal.com]

There are good reasons I give him the condom talk regularly.

[aurora]

Awwww, Christian and Olli! *has nothing else to contribute to this converstaion*

[devilishdestiny.livejournal.com]

lol, how old is he?

i hope my son is this hilarious when he's older.

[archaeologist-d.livejournal.com]

Your kid is so funny. I love your stories about him!

[brihana25.livejournal.com]

My nerdboy is almost seventeen, and he asks me questions like that all the time. I don't even ask him where he came up with it.

His best so far is, "If you went to an alternate universe where everyone was genderswapped, and you had sex with the alternate, genderswapped you, would that be incest or masturbation?"

[irishamber.livejournal.com]

It'd be narcissism. ;)

[stardustonsable.livejournal.com]

first off, hi first time commenting, I sort've love your kid
secondly, the show's Verboten Liebe, yeah? So does that mean he's only watching the Christian and Ollie bits? which I...certainly have never done. Or does he just refer to it as such?

[ellixis.livejournal.com]

Child is amazing. Just sayin'.

I actually rather look forward to bizarre conversations with my nerdling. She's two years old and makes excited fangirl squeals and flails at her favorite characters on kids' tv shows, so I'm pretty sure she's headed in that general direction.

[devin-chain.livejournal.com]

I wish someone warned me about Two Girls One Cup way back when. My sanity. It is gone.

My child's rebellion? To mock my fannish endeavors. Ah, the joy of raising a teen.

[professorkatze.livejournal.com]

Similar things happen to me, only I know if I'm being woken up at ungodly hours of the morning and shown horrible, horrible, disgusting and brain-bleach-worthy videos, it's my sister that's doing it. Wanna trade?

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

When children overlap with pornish fandoms, things get interesting in one's own headspace...

My entry fandom was Lord of the Rings. I know whereof I speak.

Also, Christian/Olli omg, *cough*. I mean, ahem. I was totally gaga over those two for about 3 months, and I too, yes, stayed up till 3 in the morning to see ALL 48 eps (the Ollian bits) in one swoonish go... Then wrote solid fic for several days. Preserve the innocent eyes of thy five-year-old.

[naughtyoldlady.livejournal.com]

Eh, the Wikipedia entry for two girls one cup gives a straightforward description of the video that's about as bland as possible, considering the subject matter. But yeah, I feel no need to click on any video links. ;-)

[winterlive.livejournal.com]

your child is just as crazy as you are. APPROVE.

my sister! my mother!

[greyhat.livejournal.com]

This is the "shocking" plot of a classic American noir film I can spoil it for you if you want, but I found it kinda boring overall. I'm glad they've found a home for the best plot point, anyways. :> Thanks for posting.

[cjandre.livejournal.com]

LOL, yeah - you know I"m waiting for THAT conversation!

Recently my daughter has discovered what I think of as normal reading habits - which is to say she (who has NEVER read a novel for fun before) inherited a copy of Midnighters from a cousin and is devouring it at the rate of about 50-100 pages a day. She is just about done with it, and is still saying, "But I don't know why I'm reading this! I only read Manga! But this is really good!" Followed by and accusing look and "This is all your fault!"

I grin and say, "Thank you."

She says, "So it's okay if I stay up all night reading, right?"

"It's practically required during summer vacation." I nod.

Did I tell you she wrote her first fanfic for a school assignment last year?

:-D

[unfinishedthou.livejournal.com]

Have you run across any of his fanfic on the web yet? The first time I found one of my daughter's slashfics, I couldn't tell if I was proud or horrified.

The scariest thing about the next generation of fen is that they are so damned smart and connected. They will take over the world; it's only a matter of time.

[ranlynn.livejournal.com]

Child: You have a half-sister. You get married to your half-sister's father. You have a baby with your half-sister's father. What will the baby be to you and your sister?

Well, assuming the half-sisters don't have the same father (ick!).

To you the baby would simply be your daughter.

To your half-sister however the child would be both a half-sister and niece.

And for the record; German soaps are seriously twisted.