this can't be happening

[seperis]

I have had a bad moonpie.

I don't know what to do with this.

I got it for Child, because hey, moonpie. Opened it up, and okay, a three decker moonpie was weird (I'm a purist, okay?) but that's also more moonpie so I dealt with it, and then Child looked horrified after a bite. I assumed he was evil (as one does; who looks like that after a moonpie?) then took a bite myself.

For a moment, I suspected I was evil too, but seriously, what the fuck was that? It's a moonpie, not baked Alaska; we are not talking about a complex dish. It is marshmellow stuck between graham crackers and covered in chocolate or other layer of artificial and delicious flavoring. It is like a smore gone corporate. And it tasted like feet had been involved.

FEET.

The sun has just stopped shining, cats and dogs are lying down together, and my childhood called and disowned me.

Comments

[ilyena_sylph]

...I am a bad Southerner, I can't stand the things, but ... that sounds horrific.

[scy]

*cuddles you*

I had a piece of pie that was evil a couple weeks ago. I imagine my expression was much like yours.

We should never be betrayed by sugary desserts.

[lorelei76]

I'm so sorry about your bad moonpie.

...also please pardon me for cracking up like a lunatic.

I'd offer you green tea mochi cupcakes (imagine mochi. Now toast the outside so it's nice and crisp and browned. Imagine biting into this crisp exterior and getting a mouthful of chewy, warm gooey innards. Imaging green tea custard sort-of burning your tongue, but it's pain you can live with. Yeah, I made that today and it's awesome and I will gain 50 pounds from eating an entire tray in one sitting.) except they do not travel well. Also, I'm betting this will be horrible when it cools down :-(

[iadorespike]

Wow. A bad moonpie. That's a crime against nature. I know that the next time I consider indulging, I'll probably just end up looking at it suspiciously. :(

So sorry this happened to you and the child. :(

*hugs*

[svmadelyn.livejournal.com]

I haven't had a good moonpie in ages. Every one I've tried has been dried out beyond recognition and now I see them in stores and I can't bring myself to get my hopes up; I pass them by.

It - changes a person, you know?

[kuhekabir.livejournal.com]

what is a moonpie? never heard of it :)

[anjak-j.livejournal.com]

After years - by which I mean a couple of decades plus five - of hearing various folk from the United States I've [been friends with/known/spoken to while stood at a bus shelter] go on (and on) about how great moonpies are, I gave one a go when I was in New York a couple of summers ago...

...and came to the conclusion that they put crack in most US water supplies.

Just...UGH WHAT THE FUCK EWWWWW GROSS! I was expecting real awesomeness after all that talking up of them I'd heard. It was just...disgusting. Gut-churningly disgusting. I wouldn't be surprised if they were nice, maybe those 25 years ago when I first heard about them. But in NYC in 2008... *pulls face and longs for TimTams*

[spuffyduds.livejournal.com]

I feel so bad for you, but on the other hand this was so funny I had to read it aloud to the husband.

[feanna.livejournal.com]

Completely unrelated snack story: My cousin once told me that he went to a small shop (gas station?) and was very pleasantly surprised to see that they still had "Raider". Now, Raider had been renamed Twix several years before that. The snack itself was unchanged, but lots of people liked the old name. So he was al "yay" for finding out that somebody still made raider, except of course nobody did and those raiders in that shop were actually about 10 years old and still lying there...

A similar thing happened to my aunt when she bought pure Marzipan (really finely ground suger-almond-mix) for baking. She was happy, because she hadn't managed to find any in the USA before that. Only it turned out that it had been sitting there for so long that it had totally dired out and become almost rock like...

And to really go for tl;dr:
When I first read moonpie I had no idea what it was and I googled, but before that i thoght of mooncake. My friend brought some (industrial, packed one) from her trip to Vietnam (she has family there) and told us that it's a holiday delicacy, only none of the German people who tried it liked it at all. For me it tasted REALLY weird. But then people all over the world have very different ideas of what tasted good (as desert). (We do usually love her cooking.)

[lexstar29.livejournal.com]

This probably doesn't help you right now but I can make moonpies that I am told are pretty good! They are not that hard to make, (Marshmallow is pretty simple to make) It's so disappointing when something that should taste so good tastes so bad! Maybe try making them, I can send you the recipe if you want.

I wish you a good moonpie soon.

[skadi.livejournal.com]

I feel like a bad person - I laughed at your pain. But it was such funny pain!

[boggit.livejournal.com]

I feel really, really regretful about how hard I just laughed at your pain.

[teenygozer.livejournal.com]

Either those guys cheapened the recipe (and sold out our childhood) or our taste buds have changed, because the last moonpie I had as a spur-of-the-moment purchase made me sorry I'd taken a bite, too.

::SO SAD::

[padawanewan.livejournal.com]

omg THE LAST MOONPIE I HAD TASTED LIKE CARDBOARD AND WAX WITH A SIDE OF SPONGE.

yes, the bitterness and pain does linger. No more Mars Bars...screw you Almond Snickers you are Not a Mars Bar.

[ranlynn.livejournal.com]

How the hell does someone mess up a MOONPIE?!

That's like messing up a PB&J sandwich.

[jazzy-peaches.livejournal.com]

I FEAR THE END IS NEAR. WHAT COULD BE A BETTER PREDICTOR OF THE APOCALYPSE?

[omnipresentdmat.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry, that sounds horribly scarring D:

[aslin.livejournal.com]

That's a terrible terrible thing... They still taste pretty good down here... where do you live?

[tonicollins.livejournal.com]

At some time in the past five years there was mention of the fact that the major chocolate makers were changing their chocolate recipe (http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/26788143/). I didn't give it much thought as candy bars aren't something I normally eat but when the next Halloween rolled around and I indulged in a Reese's peanut butter cup I could not believe how awful it tasted. Like peanuts covered in wax. It was disgusting and I don't plan on eating a US candy bar anytime soon.