Oh, I'm sorry I did that. I should have guessed how that would look.
Thank you for apologising, although it really wasn't necessary. I don't expect anyone to be able to read my mind, and I gave no indication, so you couldn't have known. It would be silly of me to expect otherwise. And I went into this conversation knowingly, and aware that I might end up feeling that way, so I could control it enough so it didn't upset me in any significant manner. I just couldn't prevent it from popping into my head and stop me from asking you outright, because that would have augmented the anxiety, if that makes any sense? And I mentioned it only because I thought it illustrated the automatic thoughts thing quite nicely, but it was my responsibility to enter the discussion in the first place.(Reading some of the comments aimed at survivors was what distressed me the most, really. I can't even grasp as to how some of them must be feeling.)
I was worried anything I injected would come across as either ignorant or weirdly condescending
Replace "condescending" with "stupid", and you know how I feel most days every time I'm talking to someone I don't already know very well and trust (and on worse days, even then). It's something I've been working on for 6 years now, and I've got a hell of a lot better at it, but my (mistaken) default position in social contexts is still that I'm... wrong, awkward, uninteresting, stupid, pick a self-deprecating term, it'll have been in my head, a billion times. I hope I'm getting better at recognising those thought patterns now and try to actively work against them, but whilst I'm rationally there, emotionally my MO is still "I'm not ok, you're ok", most of the time. (Another classic psychology text, google "I'm ok, you're ok" if you are interested in finding out.)
I've seen that shopfront has made her post (and made many valuable and interesting points), and I've linked to this thread from the comments there. I'd still appreciate it if you still linked to this in a separate post though, as I feel it provides some more concrete examples in some places that may make things more understandable for people, and I get the impression you have a fair bit of fandom traffic on your journal.
Thank you very, very much for your sensitivity and repeated offers of screening, I shall bear them in mind, though I hope it won't be necessary. But I appreciate the attention you've paid to this far more than I can express; many people in fandom should take you as an example in how to conduct yourself in these kind of discussions, imho.
(And I gather, from your other comment that you have first hand experience with depression, at least, so I just wanted to express my sympathy for that being the case. Ironically, and from a more detached/logical perspective, it serves as an apt example as to how wide the spectrum of mental health issues really is (with you understanding the depression side, but initially not the triggering one, I mean), and that you cannot simply lump everyone together in one group and stick a label on it.)
Re: Original anonymouse here, more personal response to you, shopfront.
Thank you for apologising, although it really wasn't necessary. I don't expect anyone to be able to read my mind, and I gave no indication, so you couldn't have known. It would be silly of me to expect otherwise. And I went into this conversation knowingly, and aware that I might end up feeling that way, so I could control it enough so it didn't upset me in any significant manner. I just couldn't prevent it from popping into my head and stop me from asking you outright, because that would have augmented the anxiety, if that makes any sense? And I mentioned it only because I thought it illustrated the automatic thoughts thing quite nicely, but it was my responsibility to enter the discussion in the first place.(Reading some of the comments aimed at survivors was what distressed me the most, really. I can't even grasp as to how some of them must be feeling.)
I was worried anything I injected would come across as either ignorant or weirdly condescending
Replace "condescending" with "stupid", and you know how I feel most days every time I'm talking to someone I don't already know very well and trust (and on worse days, even then). It's something I've been working on for 6 years now, and I've got a hell of a lot better at it, but my (mistaken) default position in social contexts is still that I'm... wrong, awkward, uninteresting, stupid, pick a self-deprecating term, it'll have been in my head, a billion times. I hope I'm getting better at recognising those thought patterns now and try to actively work against them, but whilst I'm rationally there, emotionally my MO is still "I'm not ok, you're ok", most of the time. (Another classic psychology text, google "I'm ok, you're ok" if you are interested in finding out.)
I've seen that
Thank you very, very much for your sensitivity and repeated offers of screening, I shall bear them in mind, though I hope it won't be necessary. But I appreciate the attention you've paid to this far more than I can express; many people in fandom should take you as an example in how to conduct yourself in these kind of discussions, imho.
(And I gather, from your other comment that you have first hand experience with depression, at least, so I just wanted to express my sympathy for that being the case. Ironically, and from a more detached/logical perspective, it serves as an apt example as to how wide the spectrum of mental health issues really is (with you understanding the depression side, but initially not the triggering one, I mean), and that you cannot simply lump everyone together in one group and stick a label on it.)