You cannot use jade three times in a sentence, I do not fucking care how green Spock's cock is.

Yeah, you know, that always distracts me, despite being a cliche. I think it's because I always picture the really pale, almost translucent Chinese jade, which is a sort of weird image. Not, I grant you, as weird as some of the other images Trek fangirls have supplied me for Spock's genitals, but still...weird. I'm guessing they mean like a dark malachite green, which still seems sort of oddly bluish to me, but...

...And that above is what my mind does every time I read about Spock's jade green wang. :/ It only gets worse if they start throwing in lotuses and pagodas and seriously, guys, wtf.

Lubeless sex is not hot

Tell that to the one gay guy who bitches every time someone at fanficrants goes "lube plz!" No, I mean, seriously, tell him that: it's like he's on a one-man mission against the necessity of lube in fanfic, and it's getting pretty damn tedious.