Oh, for people who need teapots, especially for work:

Adagio Teas teapot - it holds plenty of tea, it is ridic easy to wash, and it's infinitely storeable. Only warning--when full, pour very carefully at first, I have no idea why, but it will leak a tiny bit. I've been using it at work for about a month and it's kind of perfect, but it does get hot, especially the lid, so I use a pencil to maneuver it off to remove the tea when it's done seeping.
My ducking is now making fun of me in three languages, and at least I have a fighting chance with French and Latin, but his first is Fon, which he swears he's calling me a very nice tester, and like, I can't call him a liar, because how would I know, but I'm suspicious. Also, there is no way to ask him to speak clearly into my phone so I can see if google translate will confirm, since he looks terribly innocent and then I feel uneasy, because thing is, he would be saying that all this time just to see my reaction and you see where this is going.

I swear I am tempted to refresh my college Russian just to see what happens, but that feels like admitting some kind of really strange kind of defeat or this becomes a really unnerving kind of linguistics war, and while education is never wasted, I don't see this ending any other way than both of us abusing the internet to find ways to be nice to each other in languages the other person doesn't understand, which--I mean, there's something wrong with that. I don't know what, but it's just there.

OTOH, my duckling is still more awesome than all ducklings, and I could be totally prejudiced in his favor, I did have a moment of pride when one of my coworkers mentioned he got the same look on his face I got when a test failed and you have to start over--that would be, one part wtf, two parts, you're kidding, a half-part I am not paid nearly enough to deal with this, and a tiny part, how would this respond to some part of this computer being set on fire? Which is of variable size depending if this is retest 1 or 8--it can get larger.

This build is a lot more fun with all the new testers involved, no matter how frustrating it usually would be.
This post was going to begin with something work related, but then as I was getting ready to type, I realized that I didn't--technically--know all the types of metaphors, and also, this leads to a fan moment IRL.

Specifically, Common Types of Metaphors, which I feel needs a new category; specifically, metaphors using common metaphors from pop culture. So I can cite this at some point to people who have never seen House and I can feel smug, instead of uncomfortably aware these people really don't watch enough TV, when I say, "That is my new duckling!" at work.

Per usual, it took me several seconds to realize their expressions indicated they were looking for infant fowl, not y'know, one of the new testers.

So someone get on that, please. Metaphor that depends on a metaphor and the circumstances surrounding its use in pop culture. I like 'pop metaphor'.

Also, I have a duckling! Due to my lead being--herself. and I love her--I was assigned one of the ten new sort-of-temp-testers, if you can call a minimum year and a half contract temp. They were hired and paid for by our vendor but work with us, which leads to about half of us assuming we're training them to take our jobs, which is possible but woudl increase the suicide rate by ten people if they expect ten testers to do the work of almost forty and who they were hired specifically to supplement.

So I--and the other ten testers with our ducklings--introduced them around and made much of them and currently Duckling is on a donut reward system of the future, as while I do not have donuts now and cannot guarantee when they appear, the number he receives depends on his good behavior. He's like, three negative donuts right now, and in addition, I will deliberately feed all the other ducklings donuts in front of him if he goes on like this, which I suppose means we have a pretty good working relationship.

Also, and I do not say this lightly, I got one of the best ducklings. Another one--not mine--I worked with was methodical to the point of insanity, and didn't seem to hear me telling him anything unless he had a question and agreed with my answer after a lot of thought. Mine is bright, willing, sarcastic as fuck (we bonded) and to my growing interest, is already developing a testing style of his own, which I approve of a lot. One of the bigger mistakes is to either a.) take your mentor-type-person's--your Duck Hen, if you will, though no, I'm not using that so that's the last time I'll say it--style as your own with slavish devotion and repeat all their mistakes or not know why some of it you do, or b.) take up the idea of Best Practices like you plan to start a cult and recruit followers.

testing in the new age )
So I had an interview Thursday. I don't expect to get the job--this one is definitely going to be decided a lot on tenure--but I went ahead and applied because it's been a while since I applied for a job and since I really do like what I'm currently doing, it wasn't a big deal. Plus, I felt my interviewing skills needed a brush up.

This interview did not go as expected.

really, not at all )
Mostly for my own sanity, the reason why I ended up ordering new boots from Amazon in a fit of retail therapy due to work. They are goddamn awesome boots, and just wearing them made me feel better as a human being, so.

In this entry, I said that two weeks of work was basically scrubbed. That's inaccurate.

it's actually a lot worse )

In case anyone is curious, I went for an eye exam earlier today and during the process there was a period of intense light per eye that has since developed into a headache that eased off just in time for me to reach terminal insomnia. This is fun for me.
Work on Call

Being on call for sudden, inexplicable testing (I literally do not know why they want me on call or what it is that might be tested. That could be a problem should they text me. Strangely, they didn't seem to think so) is possibly second in boredom levels only to those days we have REALLY IMPORTANT TEST TO RUN AT NOON and you're still waiting, breath bated, at two wondering if you can dial it down to defcon three now because that level of alertness is both exhausting and weirdly frustrating. This happens a lot with REALLY IMPORTANT TESTS, you see. And you can't move an inch from your computer because inevitably, once it starts you have a narrow window to finish the test due to reasons and life as we know it will end if you fuck up, so no pressure or anything.

I don't object to testing on weekends. Much. I object to being at defcon three for twenty four hours because REALLY IMPORTANT TEST NARROW WINDOW FUCK UP END WORLD and I still don't even know what it is we are testing. It involves, I understand, mass update triggers and batching. And possibly skynet and Romulans destroying Vulcan and soylent green.

I have a feeling this is a preview for what the Oracle update is going to be like. Oracle updates require teh equivalent of simple regression testing, ie we just do a lot of tests we always do to make sure nothing is legitimately broken, you might say, because there are not just levels of broken, there are shades within those levels. One of the most important is how long will the goddamn tester argue this is a problem?

because I can )

News

Being bored.

Students, experts recoil at alcohol enema case - the only reason I'm even mentioning the weirdness of this was that for the life of me, I knew I'd heard of something like this before. I realized just a few minutes ago it was Law and Order: Criminal Intent, specifically about a woman who organized hen parties (bachelorette parties, I think?) and she'd been using cocaine vaginally, which killed her, but at least did not involve an enema.

mild tmi anecdata )

Also, Bullied Teen Gets Last Laugh - if you need something heartwarming, read this.

ETA - thanks to [personal profile] green_grrl for the link:
Sikh Woman Teaches Reddit a Lesson in Tolerance - I can't think of what to say to this but amazing. She's amazing.
“When I die, no one is going to remember what I looked like, heck, my kids will forget my voice, and slowly, all physical memory will fade away. However, my impact and legacy will remain: and, by not focusing on the physical beauty, I have time to cultivate those inner virtues and hopefully, focus my life on creating change and progress for this world in any way I can. So, to me, my face isn’t important but the smile and the happiness that lie behind the face are.” - Balpreet Kaur


Last Notes

Oh look, still not called. This is going to be a long night.
Work hates me. I'd actually go into detail on this, but the detail is boring. However, I can detail that the build after the one I'm currently testing I was (ridiculously) worried that all five of my assignments seemed smaller than I'd been given recently and my lead had taken teh two biggest. Please shut up; I know what you're thinking. Anyway, I worried I hadn't done a good job with the last huge build etc adn faith had been tested in my work, because when I'm not overworked this is the shit I think up, and then realized one of them was testing the Oracle update.

I have never, I think, actually talked about the last Oracle update. I wasn't directly responsible for planning the testing, as I wasn't in this section of testing. I also possibly blocked it out in horror. People talk of it in whispers. Loud ones.

I can't tell if this is proof that there is faith in my work or a hope I'll finally snap.

also, people ask me things )

also, work is moving us )

I'm hoping to get Monday off for reasons and this week so far is not shaping up to go well at all. Also, I'm reading during breaks the most horrible Pride and Prejudice spin-off series I have ever had the misfortune to see, and yet I keep going. I can't explain it except okay, one scene: a Transylvanian princess and a Japanese samauri whose boyfriend committed seppaku with her husband's help during her and her husband's run from her murderous father and end up in Japan after fleeing through St. Petersburg and spending time with a famous Jewish philosopher in possibly Siberia have a swordfight in the middle of the road in Derbyshire on a theoretical point of honor. Also, the husband's brother is married to Caroline Bingley and they sekritly adopt the illegitimate son of the Regent (her husband's boss) and a dying prostitute. And a Scotsman swung from the ceiling of Pemberley in a kilt to rescue Darcy from the Scotsman's murderous younger brother and later ended up marrying Georgiana. I cannot make this up. And this is like, not even the least believable.

Honest to God, these are not well written (at all, even by accident) and kind of hideously anachronistic in various ways, but I read this just to wonder what is going to happen next.
Trufax: the day before a major deployment at work is stressful.

Trufax: yesterday me and my boss mused if we shouldn't be so hard on dev, being as a.) obviously they'd never seen a computer before and b.) probably lacked opposable thumbs.

Trufax: my very first supervisor in the agency is now supervisor of a different unit that is equivalent pay to ours and was poaching in my unit with my lead. I made my feelings on trying to lure away my lead clear. Because I do not say this lightly, our entire section will collapse and die forever if she does. He laughed at me. Goddamn him for being awesome.

the state is kind of like this )

The deployment was tonight, and they already scheduled people to come in tomorrow due to anticipating how badly this is probably going to go. By the grace of God I am not one of them this time.
My Weekend

Saturday - Prince Birmingham the rabbit makes a break for it by leaping wildly over playpen fence and is captured. Rain the rabbit dug his way out of his playpen and under the fence to run far, far away.

Sunday - Prince Birmingham is depressed. Rain returned, apparently offended by the world not being what he expected.

Like, I have no idea of Rain's expectations of the world here, but sometimes, I wonder about his planning skills.

Work

First day back after bout of pneumonia, long and tiring. While I was gone, we both gained and received an employee. Also, we may or may not be moving and may or may not be doing so with a change in our cubicles to a sort of pod formation. Seriously, nothing happens at work for months, I leave for a week and it's all CHANGE EVERYWHERE. Also, teh new place may have only one fridge. It's stressing.
Workish

Friday I discovered that our sharepoint individual sites at work have their own wiki-esque thing, where one can paste in entire Excel test scripts and create tags for them. To say that was the best thing to happen to me since January says something.

Okay, almost the best. Third best, let's say.

The second best thing was that this build is over and the next build is light. To combat this, the next build is light because the build after that one is going to be like this one, and God help me, I am going to be testing the arrival of IE 8 as the state browser of choice for eligibility programs.

Note about the wiki, however; my supervisor wandered over and I excitedly showed her wikiness, because I've really wanted a way to organize the last four years of tests and yeah, this will take a while. She stared at it and then at me.

Her: Will people see this?

Me: No? *realization* Oh, no, I'm not blogging on this. This is to organize my tests.

(Note: there is also a sharepoint blog for each employee. Hilarious.)

Her: You're sure?

Me: If I blogged under my name in public, I'd be nice.

Her: I've read your defects. They're also public in the agency.

Me: No, no worries; when I blog in public, I never do it under my real name.

As you can probably guess, everyone felt so much better hearing that.

Monday

So far this morning [livejournal.com profile] svmadelyn has been receiving offerings of depressing CNN news from me in lieu of staring at the wall vibrating with impatience.

I've felt super distracted for a few days, and I can't really explain why except for the fact I apparently skipped out about a week of thyroid medication somehow, which even for me is strange, because--and if you have a thyroid condition, you know this--going off for too long is like an instantaneous attack of Famine combined with the attention skillsets of a magpie and hard insomnia fighting the good fight against wanting to sleep all the time.

Okay, that last part is new; I didn't know my body could do that, or do it so bizarrely, combining periods of half-sleep with unbearable awakeness with some kind of near-coma that covers a period of time long enough and still enough to wake up with everything--and I do mean everything--hurting, especially my back.

It's not that I have ever modeled healthy sleep patterns--my very first bout of depression in my teens means I still don't trust sleep entirely and I'm not even going to pretend at least half my insomnia problem is pretty much entirely subconsciously training myself to ignore it until I can't anymore.

I'm saying, I feel very, very weird.

So Yeah

So this is going to be very cute, so I need you to brace yourselves before clicking. Because it's been four years, okay, and I can do this.

so my mom was at this place and found this thing )
So a week ago, we got word that the deployment would be delayed an extra two weeks, which one might assume was because it doesn't work, and boy I wish I had that kind of faith. At this point, I feel it's more likely that it was ordered by the Illuminati than anything reasonable like rationality was involved.

the benefit of the doubt )

My work related rant for the week.

Interesting, I realized it's been about four months since my last episode of hard depression; I'm frustrated and tired and angry about work and everything, but that's actually a positive sign.

It's been two years and three months since I realized it was happening, and ten months since it began to lighten, and four months since the last time I couldn't even breathe deeply because the effort seemed wasted.

whatever, this is just a cut )
Work

Code freeze is Monday, which means that it should be a weekend of some kind of breakdown, because dude, prime time ready it is not. I can always tell my stress level by whether or not I voluntarily ask a coworker for a condescending or sarcasm check when filing defects; when I have to do it three times in one day because I genuinely can't tell how normal people argue that a scrollbar should scroll, being its functionality (you would think that wouldn't even need a defense, wouldn't you? No, I had to actually explain this when they were trying to withdraw it).

malice for high quality job performance )

Worrisome

I'm staring at 110,000 words of fic that has come to the point of worrying me. To be fair, I usually don't have a really hard time with length because by this point, the end game is in sight, or at least, telescopically viewable, and I'm writing toward a defined goal. I'm really not right now. Right now, I'm writing toward diy solar panels, which I tricked Child into researching for me pretending he would do his next science fair project on them. Which I suppose two for one?

I'm just weirded out by this )
Recycling Tip from gmail: You can make a lovely hat out of previously-used aluminum foil.

Every time I try to imagine life without gmail, I kind of twitch; no where else on the net freebases me spam recipes, literally. I don't even like spam (the food or the email), but it's just comforting to know that someone, somewhere, really did think Spam Jello Salad was a good idea. It wasn't, but still. Human imagination. Terrifying.

The first week of testing didn't formally start working until much later in the week due to testing things that aren't working, environmental failures, etc; you may not know this about me, but when something starts cascading in its failures--literally, me and K started competitive filing of defects--I hit a state of mind not unlike giddy, where I wandered through the cubicles whistling Taps (I have been told my whistling could wake the dead with its piercing quality) and singing Billy Joel, because We Didn't Start the Fire is so appropriate at that moment (we didn't REM until early afternoon when we started getting server errors). A developer and I did a high-five in my boss's cubicle when we got the very mother of defects; we lost all our web services.

(For the record: I hate web services. Everyone uses them, and they are just evil. One code problem there takes everything down like a house of very unstable cards. I mean, they are cards made of jello, that's where this is going. It works badly even in the ideal.)

Music

Currently checking my top five and then my last twenty-five (nothing like iTunes for useless statistics to stare at blankly), I notice two key points; one, even if I was amnesiac abruptly, I would know I'm writing, because nothing says your creativity is awake like a mix of Pucifer, Switchfoot, Gregorian Chant, Dido, and the complete Linkin Park (don't ask). To be fair, thirty percent of my musical choices come from what vids I've been watching--that is how I ended up with a Dido album once upon a time, not to mention Britney Spears--but even that cannot excuse how Michael Bolton made my top fifty in a surprisingly shoot to the top of the charts. Fucking Jack Sparrow is screwing my stats.

Most recently, for various reasons, music purchases of the past month or two:

Scars and Stories, The Fray - to say I am beyond irritated is to understate the case. I like one song on here, and can listen to three without being overly annoyed, but Jesus, I was at eighty percent on their earlier albums and I bought their live tracks just to complement it. In general, I do not have those kinds of odds with any band, so I find it more than a little unsettling that this album isn't clicking. But I am grimly determined to learn to like it. The Fighter so far is my only repeater, and not that dramatically.

Trekka, Pucifer, V is for Vagina - they continue to be the band that I literally hate all of their music, then one day they come up and I listen and no matter how much I hate the song, I suddenly love it and need it like air. Yes, I do mean this is vidding's fault. Goddamn it. I did a twenty-five repeat and feel like I may or may not have had some kind of quasi-religious experience, but oh, so worth it. You know, when I stopped mourning the fact I will never have a universe beneath my heel while I gleefully conquer plants and blow up anything that doesn't bow to my will. It's that kind of a song.

The Unforgiven, Gregorian chant, Masters of the Chant V - not easy to find, but [personal profile] svmadelyn sent it to me so I wouldn't break into hysterics when I realized both iTunes and Amazon were failing me. Yes, vidder fandom, damn you all. Seven minutes and it's on one hundred repeats. The math is scary. The thing is, I like Metallica's original, but there's something just beyond unsettling about the translation into chant. This holds true with a lot of their famous covers, to be honest; I still feel deeply uncomfortable with the Bad Romance one. It should be funny; mostly, it feels vaguely dangerous, and makes me really wonder about monastic orders. Just saying.

Recommended: these two cut with Linkin Park. Very something. I'm not sure what.

Empty, Neverbetter, Still Feels Like You're Here - the best I can figure from my Genius six degrees, this is because of Theory of a Deadman and Absence of Concern (and 10 Years and 32 Leaves). Apparently, they're in the same family of semi-generic post-grunge return to no way is this classic Rock; it's more Rock that got its heart broken by emo and is using its guitar to express its pain in ways not necessarily compatible with the chords they're expressing, but. Unlike One Less Reason (Someday, let me show your lifeless body locked in my closet when you try to leave me because I love you too much), I'm not vaguely worried about anyone cutting their wrists with their guitar strings, so I can nod along and enjoy the not-emo. Also, I like this one.

Dare You to Move, Switchfoot, The Best Yet - this just makes me happy, mostly. Yes, vid fandom, this one I am happy to listen to like a lot, and not worried when I want to start breaking guitars with a whiskey glass because I don't have any eyeliner left to cry into smudges.

Jack Sparrow, The Lonely Island featuring Michael Bolton, Turtleneck and Chain - it is possible that this may be the greatest song in the history of vocal music. It has Jack Sparrow and Scarface. I mean, where do you go after that?

Any musical interludes to report? I need more now.
I have decided that there is no project on earth, professional, open-source, or non-profit, that is at all professional, ever.

As of today, I have written no less than sixty and no more than seventy and change tests for the massive redesign that I have been working on off and on since December. We started system tests (pre-tests) in january. We start primary testing Monday.

As of Tuesday, they 1.) randomly changed the driver flow in a very key place, 2.) randomly changed up the titles and text and 3.) pdfs stopped working for no reason and tasks arent' being created. All of my tests--that took me months to write and rewrite and polish--have to be rewritten.

For the record, I have owned archives, worked on archives, worked on projects, both in fandom and professionally and as a side thing when I got bored. Today when they told me of the horror that is my life, I asked "were they drunk?" and meant it. There is no godmod in fandom who can hit this level of loss of sense.

Then I said, "They are doing it worse than LJ." I have never, ever felt such existential horror as realizing that livejournal's ongoing breaks with reality are less utterly insane than the vendors writing our code. My four spent half the day talking me down, and I have spent the day writing up epic fucking level novel-length defects for this, I am so not kidding, and testing hasn't even started yet.

And they are still better than the previous vendor, so I just--here is what I have learned. Privatization sucks. I have yet to see any benefit at all whatsoever from paying someone to fuck up or letting us hire in house and fucking it up ourselves. At least if it was in-house, there would be a shitload of accountability both professional and also, us showing up to hate them. Accountability as far as state contracts go is more "Did Perry think you were really cool?" which is so fucked up this hurts me.

I have literally spent quality time trying to get my other BFF's husband to take a job with them and take over the project.

There is no excuse and no reason and no possible justification. The tests we write are to protect and help the most fucking vulnerable populations in Texas, people who cannot and do not have the power or even the chance to fight for themselves, and this is tiny, it's such a tiny part of it and not just in the scheme of things but in anything, but it's huge when it works because it's one of the few things that does and let's not lie to ourselves, we are living a Randian utopia and the only thing I am getting satisfaction from is the fact they hit seventy and medicaid is gleaming on the horizon, they have a goddamn religious experience with the value of the safety net. Our net is not a great one, and honestly none of them are all that sturdy, but a whole bunch of shitty safety nets means there's a better than average chance you can get a fingerhold in one of them before you hit the ground, or at least break your fall enough so you can stand up again. It makes all of so much less than we are that this is the best we can hope for. Rome pulled off this shit better.

It does not help that it takes them facing vulnerability to admit it exists; I do not forgive that it is not and never will be about others but always about themselves. I do not on a fundamental level of my existence get how anyone can decide that another person's pain is just not worth even the pretext of caring on the basic survival level of food, clothing, shelter, medical care; I am not even rarified enough at this point to imagine they would understand feelings here, I'm asking remedial level ability to work with the human experience of living; I don't forgive that lack within them either. I have this horrible, uncomfortable feeling that these kinds of breaks is how you get fanatics, and people, I am happy being lazy, but a fire could motivate me to move, and the metaphorical equivalent seems to be getting a lot larger these days and inertia is goddamn dangerous when motion is involved.

So my week, not good. There is the possibility that I will be taking cities in the name of a working social safety net program, so I'm taking applications for followers. Must have a working empathy, a strong desire to do good, and a fanatical desire to burn every copy of Atlas Shrugs you come across. I'm open to further suggestions on method, but I think I got the goal down cold.
I am kind of currently looking for a way to get customized stress balls for my unit that are like some kind of computer-related shape, are very squeezable and able to bounce without harm off walls, windows, or posibly other people's heads (by accident, of course) with our unit name on it. All the places I'm looking at require at least a minimum number of 100 or so or are really expensive. Does anyone have anyplace they've used or have heard good things about that have a much smaller minimum?

Help is appreciated, thank you.
I'm assuming, anyway. Please God. News this week did not get any better, so this is a weekend of sloth and reading and carefully faking a lack of worry, which isn't working as well as one might hope.

In less depressing news, for a random pick-me-up, [personal profile] lanning's Identical series is currently being read cover to--more covers. Because some days you really need to read something where the universe tries to play fair. Eleven stories, ~281,000 words, still in progress.
Podfic!

I have never worked out if it is good form to rec podfic of your fic, but I finally had a chance to listen to some that I downloaded, and my God.

Fic: It's My Death, My Rhythm, My Arithmetic, AIRPS, Adam/Kris, AU
Podfic:It's My Death, My Rhythm, My Arithmetic by [livejournal.com profile] reena_jenkins - I rarely creep myself out during writing, but this one was an exception. Reena dialed it up to eleven in the reading. Just. Whoa.

Fic: Marked, Smallville, Clark/Lex
Podfic: Marked by [livejournal.com profile] reena_jenkins - I get weirdly self-conscious reading my own fic a lot, but listening seems to get it a remove from me enough to enjoy it. I so enjoyed this one. She also inspired me to add a few more fics to AO3 since this one wasn't up yet and I felt bad she couldn't link it properly.

Fic: The Tale of the Sea Serpent, Merlin, Merlin/Arthur
Podfic: The Tale of the Sea Serpent by [livejournal.com profile] eosrose - this was such a fun listen. I love her voice.

Happy.

Work

For some reason, Cisco VPN stopped working entirely yesterday and even after reinstall, I could not get it to run. It kept not starting and I have no idea why. So had to go into the office for validation in the evening, and did two hours of COLA validation in an empty building. Child bravely came along and was disappointed to realize how boring it was to go through dozens of cases to validate that everyone receiving RSDI/SSI got their COLA update.

It wasn't bad, per se, just repetitive; open case, check dates, get calculator and do rough math to make sure the amounts were correct. Considering the horror that will emerge after the new year in testing, I am taking repetitive and a little boring to the alternatives.

about my unit's management team )

ETA: I forgot this earlier. Child's school introduced rugby to PE class. My child can play rugby. I can never send him to regular public school now.

...I am not knocking rugby, I'm just saying, that is not a sport I would have thought an American high school, even charter, would toss out there. For context, his school doesn't have organized team sports like regular public high schools; they have after school sports that competes--I think?--with other charter schools in our system. Soccer (yes, football, fine) makes sense since the founders are Turkish and a lot of the students are from immigrant families, some of whom have a colonial background* from Britain and other European nations, but I didn't see rugby coming. At all.

Also, he passed the semester with all A's and B's and kicked Algebra's ass, so for the record, my kid is deeply awesome and is currently glued to the X-Box engaging in parental-approved first-person shooter violence with friends on his headset. His kill ratios are superlative. I leave it to you to imagine my personal pride in his accomplishments.

more than slightly enraging )

ETA 2: Fixed link to podfic for The Tale of the Sea Serpent.
In a weird and honestly uncomfortably miraculous turn of events, the next build isn't scheduled to deploy until December. That's an entire two months away, and testing so far has been--dear God knock on wood--going well.

(I say this knowing that the next huge build will doubtless be assigned to us at the beginning of November, but--still. Since last year, it's been so ridiculously frantic a pace that this seems downright lazy.)

On the downside, we have auditors in the office. I am not clear on their function other than to watch us work--fun--and check our testing results. They are also on the other side of my cubicle wall which means I have been told, in small words (my God my coworkers know me) to keep my voice down at all times in hopes they won't hear my less than cheerful comments on the intelligence, ambitions, hopes and dreams, and probable non-human origins of the developers, the project managers, the vendors, and the entirety of the agency hierarchy. I'm actually more likely to cut the developers slack; they're programmers who have never worked directly with clients or in a capacity to understand what caseworkers do. But theoretically, the agencies high-ups have been caseworkers or at least seen one in the wild, so really, no.

I'm also having a bout of job satisfaction, which yes, it's weird, but there you go. Learning the program area I'm testing helped, but that most of that was due to the de facto head of that part of testing who a.) knows pretty much everything about it and b.) has an interesting habit not caring how many times she has to explain something, which makes her the only human being in history who doesn't mind doing that, and most of that, I think, is her understanding of the difference between being explained how something works and actually having to do it. Ie, explanations are good, but seeing is understanding.

Having skipped work (for legit reasons!) am currently loafing and resentfully noting it's still a month until my Kindle Fire gets here. Dammit.
I have come to the very uncomfortable realization that I am apparently adapting to breakneck release schedules; most recently, I was completely unalarmed when I had to do a requirements meeting a week before code freeze (aka, the last day that we can test and expect anything will get fixed before release). Requirements, by the way, are just a glorified numbered list of What This Particular Change to the Program Will Do.

testing is for people who love frustration )

I can't actually tell if I'm good at my job, but I'm pretty sure I'm competent at it, at least from how much I'm given to do (or you know, not a lot of people to do the work could also be a factor), but I do like the fact that more personal interaction with a few of the developers--and their willingness to respond quickly and willingness to listen and watch a demonstration of a problem before making a proclamation on it (surprisingly rare) has been far more effective than I ever imagined in regard to getting a working program.

slight personal digression on one developer )
So far my morning has consisted of:

1.) getting up
2.) staring blankly at a coyote a few feet away at work

In general, one does not expect coyotes to materialize near one at work while one looks on in an orgy of 'wtf' and 'why am I here' and 'seriously, a coyote?'. And yet here we are, with coyote. Currently severeal persons are eyeing the area out back suspiciously for further canine intrusions.

...at least I am really awake now. There is that.
I just realized I've become exhausted having to think up some kind of intimate, personal connection with something to be able to express a strong opinion on why something I may or may not be working on is bad for clients/persons/women/children/non-computer people/etc. For the record, there should somewhere be a saying or old wives tale or something that says; "Altruism is a-okay. That means you have a working sense of justice and a soul. You do not need to be personally traumatized by this issue to say you think this is an issue and should be fixed. Do not require other people to exercise their entire life history to get a connection of some kind so they can say it sucks."

I know, that's way too long. I'm just saying, I need more fumbling but well-meaning people who overthink things in my line of work. I keep hearing about them out there, wandering about being well-meaning and occasionally clueless and they do a lot of recycling and protect salamanders, and maybe some overemotional, overinvested people--God, I would love some of those--who actually never met a person on welfare/benefits/disability/SSI but have all these feelings about it and pop out feeling very much client-advocate like a Lifetime movie. I love those people. I am so very tired of making myself into a model because I have managed just enough mistakes in my life for legitimacy; that shit is exhausting.

t minus two days until deployment of this build, new build in progress, god help us all )
...we are one week from release of two builds and all our environments--all our environments--are down.

One. Week.

Oh, and got our assignments for the next two. Which I don't care about, because I have a three day weekend and this weekend there will be nothing worky whatsoever.

And it's been two weeks since I last posted. You know, going to the beach in November no longer seems so much self-indulgent as a way to salvage my communication skills with people who are not developers. I wonder what that's like. *wistful*
*confused*

In the meeting room, people keep breaking into song--choral and in key, even. It's very pretty and, I'll be honest, I'm pretty much terrified. I'm pretty sure there's a soprano soloist breaking out and seriously what the hell is going on in there? We don't have a chorus. I would have sworn all of us had our souls beaten out of us entirely. There is no singing in public service. There is drinking and various psychiatric treatment for public service.

...God, this is unsettling. There's at least half a chorus worth in there, and no random group of meeting goers should be that much in tune. If someone breaks out some instruments, I'm making a run for it.
Work lost all water and we have no bathrooms.

This is not my life. For the fucking record.
I have achieved--don't ask me how--two SQL and one Oracle database. That are working. For what value of working there is when they all seem to be, well, less than perfectly easy to use or like, and this is less of a surprise than it should be, put data into.

Granted, I didn't think everything would be Microsoft Access Import and puppies, but I expected, IDK, a way to go about it that wasn't seven hundred steps or would take longer than hand-typing it. There was also the IDE issue; I could control the SQLs from MySQL workbench and Oracle from command line or Eclipse (badly), then NetBeans let me have all of them and true story, you can copy and paste tables from Oracle to MySQL.

You know, I'll be honest; I didn't expect that to actually work. Download the basic structure sans data from MySQL as a grab, reupload it to Oracle to set the structure, then copy all records and paste them. That shouldn't work--I mean, the gods of logic state if it is easy to do, it shouldn't work. Because that is disturbingly easy and wrong on a basic level of my understanding of the universe as it stands.

Well, easy as in, my current fastest way of getting data around is to import Excel to Access, add the primary key, export it to the local MySQL instance, grab and download the table structure and then import the structure to Oracle, then--copy and paste the data.

I just went to check and see--it's still there.

This is what I have learned so far:

1.) Everything works much better if you make no effort to read the installation guide or like, choose options with some kind of logic in mind. It took me three database tries to get one running, due to finally just defaulting everything. It seems to work? I am okay with this.

2.) Do not try to recreate work conditions by setting it on a network and try to access it as one would if one were at work. That way lies madness and hysterics. And rage. So much rage.

3.) Microsoft ODBC Administrator is more useless than anything in the world ever.

4.) I will be dead before I get environmental variables to work. I followed the instructions carefully and created them and promptly nothing worked. Thanks, variables.

At least my sql is getting easier, though conditional statements are getting on my nerves big time. I'm trying to create a simple generic variable-intensive script for fast querying and it just. Won't. Work.

In other news, this is what I do when I'm not at work; worry about work. This build is the first one that's scared me this much.
Worked all morning and honestly to God, I feel like I got nothing done at all. The only consolation is we're overkilling our documentation in hopes that when asked about this build, we can drop it all on their heads in horror.

I have a pile of print outs large enough to kill should it collapse on anyone. I am not saying I hope it is me; I am saying, I am not like, moving it to a less dangerous location.

The thing is, during, I'm fine, but when I stop, I'm exhausted suddenly, like I'm just saving it up until the second work is over and then it hits all at once, and I'm mentally wiped and just don't even feel like moving, much less thinking; otoh, was this a good week for amazon to release all those Roberta Gellis romance novels for sale? YES. That's called how I keep sane. Well, that and life-affirmingly fascinating email from [personal profile] domarzione, but that's about it.

During, I don't realize how little forward motion we're making because of the breadth of what we're testing; after, I keep staring at it and wondering why anyone doesn't see the impossibility. This is actually fantastic because I'm spending most of my waking hours testing and far fewer of them not testing, so the majority of the time, I am way too caught up in what I'm doing with each tree to realize the forest is reaching a practical form of infinite.

This is self-pity. Also, hopefully, a working crosspost.
To say work is trying to drive me crazy borders on a lie; I hit crazy last week and completed part of it today in a fit of sheer dark rage against the machine to create a document/application map.

explanation )

That is my work vent for the week. Since it is also my period, I am guessing my mood about this will take an upswing when a.) it's over and b.) I get a test to pass. Please God.
Years and years ago I dated a business/history major A Type overachiever--this is relevant--who was going to be a millionare by the time he was thirty or somesuch. Now he owns his own business that got featured in CNN, which makes me boggle because--I mean, wow, I was apparently really goddamn amazing in bed because I don't think we ever so much as shared a working thought. There's really no other explanation.

This is, in fact, something I ponder sometimes.

Anyway, he was also a natural salesman.

After I started ill-fated work in retail--do not even ask--he had the idea that this was a teachable character moment in salesmanship, and he tried to introduce me to the hard sell.

Now, over a decade later, I realize I had at some point internalized that lesson; my current defects on the programs read like ice selling above the arctic circle. I am in the zone of breaking them down into terrifying detail not only explaining the problem, but also why the problem is bad, with bullet points, all the reasons that the problem can't be rectified by other than a code change--with numbers--and occasionally, I break everything into small words. I am attacking their arguments like I am going after tuna and the dolphins are tragic but necessary casualties.

I officially have a "Could you check me for being condescending" alert that makes my lead go "DO NOT POST THAT" and dash over to read because yeah, I'm at the point where I am flirting with "YOU ARE DEVELOPERS. YOU ARE NOT NORMAL HUMAN BEINGS WHO USE A COMPUTER. NEITHER AM I BUT I LIVE AMONG THEM UNOBSERVED AND I KNOW THEIR STRANGE CUSTOMS. THEY WILL NOT DO THIS SHIT. THEY DO NOT EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. I WILL TAKE THIS TO MY FLIST AND YOU ARE MALE AND UNCOMPREHENDING OF HUMANKIND; NO ONE WILL AGREE WITH YOU."

Which is, granted, unfair, because if I use a lot of words and then sometimes get a normal human being there and translate between them, they get it! Also, it's possible I have become a little dismissive. And possibly hostile.

My last two defects had fifteen, four, and twenty-two separate points each with illustrative screenshots of before, during, and after. They are going to light me on fire if I don't hide in a new cubicle soon. One was a step by step of what a Normal Human Person on a Computer has to do to make what they want to do work. It's surreal.

And shaming because writing it out I had to go and do it and then stop and go, okay, wait, write that down because yes, that's kind of important even though I do that when I first configure my computer.

Then the Normal Human Beings do this:

NHB: ...what is that about?
Seperis: Three pixels off left. It's throwing the entire page.
NHB: You're serious.
Seperis: *takes out ruler and piece of white paper for comparison, then hits print*
NHB: What did I say about wanting to be educated?
Seperis: What did I say about asking what I'm defecting?

I don't think hiding in a different cubicle is going to cut it when my coworkers hold me down for the fire-lighting. I want to be remembered as dying for consistent markup. You should see my reaction to inconsistent font size. Yes, eleven is bigger than ten and I see what you did there.

I am this person. Somewhere my teenage self is crying hysterically and has no idea. But whatever, my teenage self totally had no clue the horror of the emergence of geocities and Everyone Color Their Backgrounds Crazy Like. I have scars. They still bleed.
To say that one of the bigger joys of my career right now is that I have my own white board and four colors of dry erase markers probably should be a worrisome development. I do not care. I have four colors of marker, a whiteboard that's also magnetic and with corkwood at the bottom, and life is awesome.

I have a thing for office things, sue me.

Now to collect more magnets!
Proclaiming today will be a good day is kind of failing when the day itself is making a sincere effort to fuck with my zen. I did not get interviewed for job and am not amused. Also, my new awesome coffee pot I got for Christmas burned out. I mean, if I had a puppy, I'd be trying to give him away before tragedy struck.

My day is one of Lowered Expectations: here are my goals.

1.) I will not refer to end times as a certainty to be initiated sometime within the next two hours.
2.) I will not google for ways to achieve this.
3.) ...I will not google for ways to achieve this anymore today.
4.) I will not start singing along to Rammstein or Fuel.

I like keeping my expectations realistic. I need to write some mindless violence.
Moment of Enlightenment:

After a few too many go arounds up against the developers this build, it's faintly possible I am losing a sense of perspective in that I just had to go and quickly erase a comment in reply to a condescending explanation of why this program is not working no matter how I test it.

The comment? In public? To several paragraphs of explanation of why wrong is right and of course this program is working, people (you) are the problem?

-->w/e

...I really need to get out more.
So.

In this order:

1.) My kindle screen broke.
2.) youtube stopped working.
3.) Mozilla errored out on googledocs and then crashed, failed, and no go.
4.) Firefox 4 Beta also did that, then erased my extensions, then did something horrible to itself. Also, on principle, wtf, app pin is so not a replacement for Permanent Tabs.
5.) Chrome cannot load my gateway email addy and has no extra toolbars and okay, it needs more extensions and it's not very intuitive. And it crashes.
6.) Network problems at work continue to make it hard to get consistent access. As my entire job requires me to test networked and internet accessible programs, this is kinda a downer.
7.) Company who owns my thegateway email addy says I have not paid for three months no matter how many times I verify I did.
8.) Student loan payment went up like whoa. Like...wtf.
9.) Still cannot get into googledocs.
10.) Had to work on holiday.
11.) Still have a menstrual cycle. It really reminded me. Like, a lot.

If I get eaten by a whale, I honestly won't even be surprised. I mean, the surprise will be if I make it through the day without my aura of technological destruction sending satellites crashing down on our heads and EMPing us by the force of my will or something, IDK.

There is not enough coffee in the world for this.
Happiness means one of the stores on my way to work sells Mexican Pepsi and Coke. In actual bottles. Which means I had the dubious pleasure of trying to remember a.) what a bottle opener looked like and b.) how they worked while fumbling around with the can opener (on the side, btw), but humiliation at my own fumbling is totes worth it.

The thing is, pretty much every country in the world makes better Coke and Pepsi than the US. I mean, yes, drinking something with delicious sugar does help, and yes, I actually do think glass bottles give better flavor than plastic (but I have no objection to metal cans; maybe I like a faint metallic aftertaste? IDK), but it also just tastes more cola-ish. Like the spirit of cola is strong in this one or something; having this discussion in real life always ends up with a lot of wary looks, but it's true.

You wouldn't think a good day would hinge on so little. Believe me when I say, this will be the best part of my day. The code push didn't go through, so the code for the tests we were supposed to start last Monday isn't there. And yet when we say that we haven't tested this, everyone, including the people who do code pushes, will be totally surprised by this. Because I work in goddamn Dilbert, but I have no sociopathic dog, which you would think would be an improvement but it totally is not.

I have Mexican Pepsi. Right now, I will interpretive dance our answer to testing delays. And maybe sing. Bring it.
Okay, so it's been almost two weeks? I keep thinking I'm posting here, but no, just to market_roulette.

So I like being busy. This is--I don't know what this is.

my life, in many words )
...kind of fun, and kind of repetitive.

Mostly, logging into my work desktop is surreal and still novel enough that I enjoy doing it. It's also a little dangerous, since I'm anal enough that sometimes bringing work home is really tempting.

Of course, I'm on my third day of VPNing and I think I've doubled my week hours, not including the overtime I did yesterday at the office, then came home and logged back in until midnight.

Currently finishing up leftover testing. As I have been since noon. Its possible if you see me tonight, I will still be doing this. God, my life.
...so level with me, how many five hour energy drinks can you have in say, two hours? 'Cause one just isn't cutting it.

This building is so depressing on Saturdays.

*pokes keyboard glumly while working*

Oh! To give me something to look forward to--anyone have LUSH recommendations? I think that is what I'm getting my sister for Christmas this year.
Dear Person Who Stole My Lunch From the Freezer,

I won't go into a lecture on how temporarily, I'm restricted from certain foods, and most days I don't even eat lunch, but the days I do, it's usually for a purpose, like avoiding life-ending nausea when I take hydrocodone to control gall bladder pain so I can sit up and talk and not scream a lot. I won't even explain how I have to time my food intake between my thyroid medication, work, and what I'm drinking so there's no interaction problems with the hydrocodone and potentially the benthyl that cause life-ending dry mouth and I avoid anyway. Because this is not a secret. And people who steal other people's lunches at work tend to be dicks anyway.

So you know, fuck you.

--Seperis, really goddamn nauseated now

Between this and something I read this morning and the clinic being closed tomorrow so unless I can get to the clinic before six tonight I have to wait until next week to get a refill on my script I am not amused.

I'll do a rec post later, maybe. Re-reading Sherlock and AIRPS is totally a prescription for a better mood.

ETA: Eating half a peanut butter twix. Does not help with nausea, but tastiness does distract from it. Also being that time of the month that involves blood and rage and whatnot, sugar is always welcome.
Latest assignment - try and crash the databases since the Oracle fix was implemented to test system stability and program hanging.

Okay, fine, right now? I seriously love my job.
So after losing my glasses, my work ID badge, and feeling the great weight of horror when I realized hey, this isn't really Friday since I have mandatory work on Saturday, potentially indefinitely, I'm going to speculate this will be a Bad Day.

So today is a day of Lowered Expectations.

My lowered expectation of the day: I will not throw my tiny bowl of refried beans at anyone's face with the intent of bodily harm should they ask me any of these three questions:

1.) Say, did you get that job?
2.) Hey, you have some time to do a few more tests....?
3.) How are you?

I will give myself extra points if I also manage the following but am aware this may be a little too ambitious today.

1.) Not stare hatefully at anyone who looks at me.
2.) Not hide in the bathroom stall to play sudoku on my phone, Fiendish level.
3.) Not hide under my desk to play sudoku on my phone, Fiendish level.

I will not accomplish the following things and accept that totally:

1.) smile.
2.) enjoy the company of other human beings.
3.) not play sudoku, Fiendish level, on my phone while at my desk.

This is a day of lowered expectations. Excuse me while I try to finish my refried beans before anyone realizes I'm here. I really like them, but the container is very aerodynamic and I'm already getting a headache without my glasses.

Anyone want to add their own?
So I did not get the job that I interviewed for on Tuesday--see, this is why I didn't post about it!--as the call was supposed to come today and there was none. Which okay, I didn't expect to, to be honest. I was kind of shocked they interviewed me. But it's still--well, let's say mpreg and [livejournal.com profile] keewick's vid were kind of like, my happy place?

However, on a brighter note, Child got a website from my ex-bil and used it to set up a remote login to our home computer to get around the IP blocks that the school has installed in their computer lab and play Evony and check Facebook during class.

God, I have never love him more. And yes, tomorrow he has to tell his teacher and show them how he did it. Fine. But still. And I have to block that on the home computer and everything, sure. But for the record; if the class was teaching him something, he wouldn't be hacking, now would he? Or like, noticed him playing Evony and reading Facebook? Yeah.

Yeah, this.

Inappropriate pride for Child is very appropriate, actually.

ETA: The Kradam mpreg, Papa Don't Preach (do I love this title? Yes) is updated to part 5c. You know you want to know what happens next.
So at work budget cuts are leading to our contractors not having their contracts renewed. It's complicated and by that, I mean, bad. The positions will be opened up as positions in the agency, which is cheaper--yes, it's cheaper for the state to hire people directly to work with the agency than it is to contract--but the state cannot pay them what they got as contractors, and they're software engineers and specialists--we cannot afford them. We are going to lose them. We are very fucked.

All of us are getting jumpy because the the first group of contracts expires this month and we don't have the people to replace them. I mean, literally--it's not just education or experience, it's familiarity with the system itself and how it was built and how it works. One's wife works at the White House, to make this clear; they can find much better jobs than this one, which means the state will have to pull people who are missing either experience or familiarity; education, at least, isn't a problem. I could probably do several of the jobs--let me say, I read the raw code and it's not what I'd call complex to read or write, just repetitive--but we need someone with all three.

This is a long way of saying if I'm really out of sorts for the next two weeks, it's literally because I'm trying not to cry over my keyboard as they rush more and more priority jobs at us to finish before the end of August, then the end of December, while we scramble frantically. I had four priority jobs added today and we couldn't do any of them because they're rushing to get the system up and working and it's not working, which you see where this is going, and it's not like it's getting better after the end of August. Also, two of my favorite coworkers are leaving and that's fucking with my mood so much you have no idea.

Which is why I'm going to reschedule the gall bladder surgery thing, and not just due to utter terror of it. I did the math on the workload and basic fact; it literally won't get done if I'm not here. I mean, we don't have the staff, the resources, or the literal time in existence. I work on this system; if someone doesn't do my tests, and they won't, then that's a huge swathe that will not get tested and I have to use this system when I get back and experience suggests that failure is high. I bought a ton of cherry tea to get ready for this. Cherry tea makes everything better.

There is the faint possibility this is not actually what I'm supposed to be doing with my life, which is--irritating, I think. I mean, any of this. All of this. The thing is, I have my work and my life and my hobbies and generally, as I've moved around state employment, I get settled and comfortable and I don't always adore the work, I love the fact that most of the time, I'm fucking good at it, and I won't lie, being good at something, being very good at something, and occasionally being much better at it than anyone else, usually beats out whether I like it or not by a good margin. Also, and this is where this gets deadly, learning anything new is fun for me. The learning process itself has kept me doing things I'd otherwise hate, because I really love to learn and in the process get really good at things and again, you see where this is going.

I mean, I get this is the kind of attitude that can end in disaster or terrible jobs, but keep in mind stupid cheese tricks wasn't a fluke or anything; that's the shit I do when I need entertainment and my boss isn't paying attention.

There's also this; work is not my life. It can't be; I get some people can do that, but I can't, I have so many different things I like to do. I care about where I work for pay and how much it entertains me (see learning experience above) and the fact it's fairy valuable to social work, but that's as far as I go. Work is fun sometimes and boring sometimes, but its actual function is to pay for my computers, child's lizards, shoes, cons, trips out of state, visiting [personal profile] svmadelyn, playing with the stock market, concerts, my hobbies, and everything that encompasses my actual life. Giving it more importance than that never seemed like a good idea; that's a good way to go crazy.

This is the first time I'm considering school as more than a means to entertain myself, which is all I was basically doing it for (and because programming is really entertaining). I'm ridiculously close to graduating, but again, school is part of my entertainment budget, not a means to an end (though yeah, that too), so that changes how I've been thinking about it, as "something if I have time, go do that" to "perhaps a change in priority would be a good idea".

Maybe I just need something new to look forward to. July and August were concert, beach, [personal profile] svmadelyn, and VVC and now I don't have anything to plan for or look forward to like that until potentially June of next year. I need something new to be excited about after two months of high-level excitement and debt payoff and everything.

You know, I've never done New Year's in New York. I'm actually seriously considering this now. I mean, I have no idea what, but it's something to stare at thoughtfully and examine and then possibly do like I do everything: take three steps back, pretend I know what I'm about to do, and take a running jump to see what happens when I land. I don't think the universe owes me excitement; that's why I figure I should provide that for myself.
So I'm supposed to go on vacation (and VVC) starting Thursday. When I applied for leave, it was conditional on finishing my assignments. So of course, that's never been a problem.

Cue today; I got a new assignment. Scripting a minimum of fifty tests before I leave on Wednesday that have already been planned out, then at least twenty to forty more I make up myself.

horace is starting to look nicer than my employers )
Speaking from experience gained via a lifetime of television and movies, when one's office lights all go out but all the computers still run, this is how horror movies start. And yet, no matter how many people I tell that sitting in the dark surrounded by the unearthly glow of LCD monitors is very bad and we need to run away now, everyone tells me to stop being imaginative and also warily asks how my gall bladder is.

Hello, my gall bladder didn't cause the lights to go out--or we're entering a very specialized type of horror movie that I really don't want to have to deal with, so stop that shit because a haunted gall bladder that causes lights to go out is not something I want to know exists. Is there a genre for haunted internal organs? Okay, you know what, don't answer that question. Just, just don't.

Yes, that's pretty much all I came online to say. I am a veritable Cassandra at work and there are no lights. And also a burning rubber smell near the door that is not unlike electrical burning or possibly, burning evil. It is currently being investigated. Not by ghostbusters, so who knows what will come of this? No one, that's who.

I feel a breakdown of sanity at nine thirty in the morning is not a good sign of how the rest of the day will go.
I've come to the conclusion that those "power of positive thinking" people might be onto something. As Positive Thinking Person walked by my cubicle (and smiled.) I thought about her transferred to somewhere without access to indoor plumbing and abruptly felt a lot better.

Dear those who follow the woo-woo (or maybe just the one in my office):

It's not that I don't think there's like, some kind of grain of usefulness in your approach or anything, nor do I grudge you your carefully constructed personal happiness, but seriously. Over ten thousand years of recorded human existence and you really think we could have stopped all of our wars, our famines, our weird obsession with other people's sex lives, our uncomfortable fascination with weapons, mental illness, clinical depression, plagues, cancer, STDs, bad hair days, toenail fungus, and why Windows still has a blue screen of death with cleansing breaths and deep positive thoughts?

Sure, I'll go with you are just that much more evolved. Does that mean I can stop saying you're human?

...oh, that's what you mean by positive thinking! Thanks! If you step foot in my cubicle with anything resembling life-advice, you'll answer to the letter opener and this truly hideous coffee I am forced to drink.

one cup of coffee from a revelation about the nature of man and negativity,
Seperis

PS: Today in Lowered Expectations I am setting us all a goal we can easily, easily accomplish. This will set the stage for the day that false confidence will lead us to fail, but that day is not today.

Your task: avoid telling anyone they smell like cheese.

Good luck! *fistbump*
Loosely related to my post on benefit programs in Texas.

If you are in Texas and interested in pursuing a career with the Health and Human Services Commission, the umbrella organization beneath which four other agencies also rest, this is the link to the hiring center: HR Access. This works in IE only. I can get it to work in Firefox sometimes, but resign yourself to IE if you want to be sure it works correctly.

Click on the link for external applicants on the right, and you'll see drop down boxes split by state agency, category, city, location, blah blah blah.

Now, to the part I am pimping; Texas is hiring clerks at the Clerk III and above level and caseworkers at Texas Works Advisor II level for Texas Works, which handles Food Stamps (now known as SNAP, don't ask), TANF, and Medicaid for children and families, and is also hiring Medicaid Eligibility Specialists, who handle Medicaid for the elderly, the disabled, nursing homes, and etc. These jobs are under HHSC in Agency.

Oh, direct link: we're hiring caseworkers! And some other stuff, as you can see. Start value is $2200 per month, you'll do three months accumulated training, though they switch around whether you do all three months at once or over the course of a year or two--it's very strange and based on weird educational theories (again, don't ask) and office need.

The start value for a clerk is $1881 per month. I think there is a clerical test you have to do. Let us say, if you can read this, that means you can type, and we're done here.

The state provides insurance, retirement, access to 401(k) and 457, you accumulate one day of sick leave and one day of annual leave monthly and that amount increases the longer you are with the state (we call it tenure), overtime is not a problem and some cities, though not all, have a paid overtime option instead of just overtime that means you get literal leave, which is useful if you like taking two week vacations. There are holidays! Promotion is not difficult if you are at least mediocre or fake it extremely well and there is access to educational leave. And promotions can be fairly fast. I speak as someone who jumped a lot of paygrades in less than five years very fast, especially if you live in or are close to a major city.

Having a degree is not a requirement. Work experience is good. Clerical experience or work in any social service public, private, volunteer is golden, but again, not a requirement. For Clerk III, I think you just need to be breathing, to be honest.

Job Requirements

If you apply for a clerical position, pretty much anything goes. You might work front desk (see my LJ, April 2003 to February 2004 for details under the tag work), you might work file room, you might do pretty much anything. It is freakishly busy, your day will go very, very fast, and if you have an anal bone in your body, you will fall in love with the file room and organizing cases. If you don't know basic Spanish, you will learn. It just happens.

If you apply for a caseworker position, you will determine eligibility for SNAP (that's food stamps, btw), TANF (Temporary Aid for Needy Families), and Medicaid for families, for children, and for pregnant women. You will learn basic timeliness and policy, but more importantly, you will learn how to locate things in the handbook, both a paper version you will learn to adore highlighting and an online version that you can search with google. You will learn to determine eligibility on paper with a pencil (I still can) as well as on a computer. You will interview the entire range of humanity. Your caseload when you've been working six months will be between eight and sixteen cases a day, sometimes more depending on office, some of which will take ten minutes, some will take the full hour. You will learn to interview people, access data on a variety of interfaces, and stare at small children running in your office (have a couple of coloring books ready). You will do overtime. You will do a lot overtime. There is already a system of organization in place passed down from the first caseworkers back in the days we did things on stone tablets. Trust me when I say, you will love it. Also, you will probably get an office to decorate!

Both these jobs, you will have coworkers who will be your comrades in the trenches of welfare policy, dress code shenanigans, and Christmas Cookie exchanges (email me how to do that; it's fun!).

What You Should Know:

1.) It isn't easy. It's not hard either. It's confusing ocassionally, weird a lot, sometimes you will wonder what crack the legislature is smoking (cheap shit, apparently), and it's deeply hilarious. It looks terrifying and too much for one person to learn. It's really not.

2.) Interviewing only sounds stressful; I was scared to death of that part. That became one of my favorite parts.

3.) You will meet crazy people. They won't always be your coworkers, but usually, they will be.

4.) We like keeping people and hopefully hiring their offspring and their offspring's offspring (three generations working at HHSC is surprisingly common). HHSC is very much family friendly. Your mentor and your coworkers really want you to succeed, because if you leave they take your caseload and that sucks. Trust me when I say, there are few jobs where everyone really wants to keep you around for as long as humanly possible. They may offer snacks.

5.) We like promoting from within the agency. With caseworker experience, you can do pretty much anything, because most of the positions either require you to have casework experience or really prefer it a lot. A degree is not required for most jobs, but there's educational leave! Go get one if you have time.

6.) It's stressful, exhausting, miserable, and occasionally, you will want to say die in a fire without meme or irony. It's also amazing, fun, and interesting. You will not get bored, and I say this as someone who has the attention span of a gnat. Your day will pass like you would not believe. You will interview fascinating people, work with crazy people (and sometimes reverse those), and if you don't know how to be painfully sarcastic in ways that will fly over people's heads all the time, you will learn really fast.

7.) You will have a lot of data for stupid internet arguments on welfare.

8.) It's one of the few jobs where you will change someone's life every day. Pretty good stats, I think.

The application is available online and I'm pretty sure you can submit it online unless HRAccess went down again. Create an account at the link, then you may start your journey. And if you aren't interested in casework, there are a lot of possibilities in all the agencies you can check out.

Anyone who decides to apply--good luck!
Sometimes I think the biggest problem with my job is that I have a warehouse of truly hilarious jokes that are only funny to about fifty people in the world, or conversely, to those who like to humor me. God I love those people.

Example--yes, I have to lead this one in--I'm testing the functionality of the FS-SNAP driver flow--just go with it--to approve benefits for senior citizen clients on SSI. Which is like, IDK, 55 dollars, I'm not testing the benefit issuance, just making sure the driver flow works. FS-SNAP has like, no requirements. You have to be alive and have SSI and be 55 or over. I mean, the big thing is to turn in your rent amount so you can qualify for the higher (55 dollars?) and not the lower (35?). A month. For food.

...stop laughing. You'd be shocked how many people are just horrified giving these 'elderly' a free ride. This is like, edgy and shit.

Anyway. You know, this isn't going to be funny when I explain, but whatever. When I run a case and approve benefits, it's also, for no particular reason, creating and denying and pending a case for regular Food Stamps, which--fuck, there is no way I can make this funny because it's a joke with the punchline "but they have SSI!"

Trust me, this is the height of sardonic wit over here.

Because if you have SSI, you qualify for FS-SSI if by some weird miracle you fail FS-SNAP (there is no way to fail FS-SNAP. That's like failing, IDK, breathing. You're dead, in other words, or lost your SSI) or if you have a two person household with a low enough income and between the two of you qualification for FS-SSI would give you more benefits okay, I'm stopping now I can actually feel everyone's eyes glazing.

I want you to know, I respect myself less right now that I'm still giggling into my keyboard mumbling "but they have SSI!"

...I'm still laughing. Really. This is hysterical. It's the equivalent of a joke about a priest and a rabbi entering a bar, but with food stamps and age requirements and without alcohol. Really.

BTW, if you have an elderly relative in Texas with SSI, there is no income restriction on SNAP-CAP and please, please check here for a local benefit office. It's like, a one page application to verify their existence, there's no interview or office visit.

If you are not in Texas, this program exists in your state. Contact your local Food Stamp/Welfare office and ask. If you cannot find it, contact me and I'll find it, just give me your state and zip.

Also a reminder, if someone you know is pregnant and in Texas, Medicaid is no longer the only option if they do not qualify. For women who do not qualify for Medicaid or who are undocumented, Chip Perinatal may be of assistance. Please contact your local office. If you can't find your local office, email me with city and zip and I'll direct you to the correct place to apply.

If you are in Texas and would like/need to have screening for breast and cervical cancer, go here to see if you qualify.

If you are in Texas and need assistance with birth control/gynecological services, here and see if you qualify.

Again, if you're in Texas and you're having problems finding where to go to get assistance, please IM me with your zip and I can track down the correct office.

Right. Bad not-joke and a PSA. My work is done here.

Earlier Entries: psa: medicaid, medicare cost share, and various benefits and under this tag: Welfare/Assistance programs.
So you know how you're like, whining at a coworker (and making him check your scripts) about how you are starving and send him a detailed explanation of exactly the right kind of breakfast taco and where to get it, and then like, it shows up on your desk because you are fucking magic today?

...or possibly, you know, you tortured him when he was really hungry and he got you one because he knew you'd steal his if he didn't? Pretty sure he took orders from everyone. (Thank you R!)

Yeah. I go with magic, myself. Bacon, egg, potato, cheese, oh my God refried bean*, I think I'm totes in love. I'm also still eating, so hunger could be affecting my judgment.

*wriggles fingers* I want...a blue pony. With wings. And a horn.

Magic, yo.

* Refried beans is new. Let me say, why the fuck haven't I been adding this to all my breakfast tacos, because sublime is an understatement for the sheer complexity of WHEE DELICIOUS. Wow.
Note to the people running interface stuff at work for our next meeting;

If, at any time, the only reason I understand anything you say is because I've watched Star Trek since I was pre-verbal, I think your approach to the rest of us should maybe undergo a revision.

If what you say I recognize as a season four plotline of Voyager, I really feel I should warn you, deux ex machinas will not save us from what you are perpetuating in the name of science.

If what you say I recognize as something I wrote in the fandom, I was right? Really? I thought they made that up, hence the term technobabble. Also, now I want to go and spellcheck again.

If you're actually Borg, so much of my work life makes sense right now. Can we schedule assimilation sometime after I get a nap, though?

Sincerely,
why the hell didn't i become a nun and raise miniature horses in Brenham
When someone capslocks a response to a question at work with obvious capslock intent you cannot:

a.) write back DIAF, because sure, they probably don't know what it means, but it is not professional.

b.) check urbandictionary for more acronyms.

c.) smallcap your response. Or use the word typevore even ironically when referring to their typing.

You can be so sarcastic you wonder if it would have been politer to simply say DIAF and be done with it, though. Passive-aggressive is awesome.

If you want me, I will be framing emails to maximize my intent to be bitchy, and in pursuit of this goal, my grammar must be flawless.

*seething*
I have just realized my vague sense of homicide toward my fellow man (and potentially sentient beings) could be immensely improved by the application of one large sausage, mushroom, onion, broccoli and pineapple pizza. And if you do not think the awesome is strong in that combination, you need to eat more green things, as the potential is through the roof. And may possibly be my favorite order from Mangia.

Indulge my curiosity while I slowly talk myself down from a Hallmark moment involving a rifle I'll lovingly name "Killer" and a roof*; what's your favorite pizza?

* My job is testing my sweet and yielding nature. I have True Blood on my phone running just above my keyboard so I can feel racy. I have been watching way too much non-premium; I forgot the premiums also are soft core porn. Thank you, HBO. That was a very nice surprise.

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