You know, no matter how many times I watch it, it never is anything but awesome. This also reminds me why I resented Willow's second girlfriend in Season 7 so much, other than the fact she annoyed the crap out of me in her constant aggression against Buffy (Note: my liking of any character rose and feel on How They Treated Buffy; I still wish I could set Riley on fire. I OTC Buffy like whoa); I really, really, really loved Tara. But God, why did they dress her like that? Some of the outfits worked, but working on a flowy theme sometimes ends you in things that make you look like you are wearing a sack, and for the life of me I can't figure out why they did that.

I am ambivalent to report I can still sing every song, due to the soundtrack being on rotation pretty much constantly since I got it, but in context the barbed lyrics really hit me, and not just version one of "I'm Under Your Spell"; this is the first time I listened to Giles' solo and had the uneasy feeling that the bigger problem wasn't his worry that Buffy wasn't standing on her own and it was because he was playing her father; it was because he really, really didn't feel fatherly and boy was this situation going This Could End in Semi-Incestuous (Except Not!) Tragedy.

[Digression: and honestly, in the shape Buffy was in, it's not like it wasn't a likely possibility and not even, in retrospect, a bad one, considering the events of season six. I ship Buffy/Spike like a religion, and I am all about Buffy standing on her own two feet, but it pissed me off so much that no one seemed to get she literally couldn't and no amount of will in the world would fix that; she needed time and it was the one thing no one gave her. I could go on about that all day. Er, but not now.]

Which--I am not opposed to. I never shipped them, like, ever, but then there was Uther of Camelot and everything changed.

*hands* I don't even know what to do with that. I blame Merlin.

I also didn't realize how much the lyrics spell out all the events of season six either, and sometimes not even metaphorically. That was--uncomfortable.

This has been a message from My One True Fandom. Child was born the week of the first episode and I remember seeing the first ep and going "Holy shit, you mean that weird movie with Dylan from 90210? You got to be kidding me." And then five seconds later, I fell in love.

I also think I'm one of the few people who loved all the seasons, but my favorites in some ways is still seasons five and six. I like more episodes in the other seasons, but season six's themes picked up everything that I hadn't expected them to cover from earlier seasons and ran with them. It was not what I'd call enjoyable so much as "difficult to look away" and "really painful" and "Why isn't Riley on fire yet from my burning hatred" and "Fuck everyone ever, except Buffy" and "Oh my God no (many times)" and I have yet to be able to do season six in a single sitting (I break it up with bits from season five and seven; when you need to watch "The Gift" to get an emotional break and cry your eyes out, then wow, yeah)--and I didn't expect to write this much about it.

Must revisit [profile] rivak_t and [livejournal.com profile] mustangsally for fic happiness.
Re-reading SnapeWive wank, for the actualfax first time I felt really uncomfortable with the entire subject matter. Not because it wasn't batshit, but after reading for years in the snark communities--and also existing on this plane of existence--batshit is the rule. I know no non-batshit people. Frankly, the non-batshit seem untrustworthy and smell weird, like eggs. I'm just saying. Granted, this is a level that most of us cannot--no pun intended--dream of ascending to, but still.

fun is serious business, yo )

I feel like I'm going through some kind of phase of overly critical thought. I really need to work on my irony, y/y?
So this just occurred to me--and this is not to reopen the warning debates--but something I realized posting comments in a friend's DW today about warnings and genre.

Warning: Could potentially be triggering, as while it's a theoretical discussion of professional fiction and warnings, comments do mention specific instances, novels, and authors with triggering content.

professional fiction and triggering )
So to make this nice and clean, a few final notes (here, not elsewhere; everyone else discuss to your heart's content!):

Via [personal profile] bookshop who gave me the link: FA is withdrawing according to [livejournal.com profile] fictionalley who posted the announcement. [livejournal.com profile] gwendolyngrace is on sabbatical.

[personal profile] obsession_inc posts The Fiction Alley Brouhaha: a bit of research in which she wins the internet for spreadsheeting the winners of Pepsi Refresh to get an idea of numbers and categories that win. She also posts a clear explanation of the rules from the shockingly unclear website and some further thoughts on the topic.

Again, she did a spreadsheet.

[personal profile] justira posts [Make-Your-Own Meme] FictionAlley and Pepsi and Fandom covers more on the FA debacle and examines the separation of merit of proposal from the people doing it; I'm in agreement with pretty much everything she says on the context of Pepsi Refresh in this.

[personal profile] katekat posts my [unpopular] thoughts on FA's attempt to find funding on FA, fandom, funding and doing an excellent job of breaking down what made FA wrong in what they did and how they went about this, but not, again, because of what they are.

ETA: [personal profile] futuransky posts on corporations, charity and the question of deserving with an examination of false dichotomies and charity and the intrinsic value of art and human expression. It's an extremely articulate post and beautifully written as well as thoughtful.

Yes, this is rather thematic meta recs that show my bias, but it's not like I've ever been subtle. I am as one with my anvil.
I'm trying not to confuse the issue or take away from FA's actions, which were by any standard completely wrong, but I'm really hitting hard against how we're devaluing ourselves (and you know, other people) in response.

FA fucked up. They were asking for money for their servers and vague 'educational' somethings untyped. They weren't applying for the purpose of a concrete concept with a complete explanation of what it would need, what it would accomplish, and what the eventual goal was and who it would benefit.

The fact they are running a fanfic archive, or it had anything to do with fandom, is immaterial to that; they weren't doing it for the right reasons or in the spirit of Pepsi Refresh (I just typed the words 'spirit of Pepsi Refresh'. Some part of me just tried to die for that). Any group of any type who approached an organization this way would have fucked up; being fanfic does not make it worse or better, from an objective POV. From a concrete POV, as in, this is my community, I'm just as pissed that they didn't come to the whole community first if they were in dire straits--which I'm still not sure they are since the comments are pretty contradictory in themselves.

That disposed.

Art and community enrichment are legitimate enterprises on which to give or get money. A lot of the discussion ending up asking the question "how often do you beat your wife" in metaphor; as a general rule, unless you are either remarkably masochistic or you have an axe to grind, setting everything in the goddamn world against starving children is absolutely insane. I could have used my ridiculously large copay for surgery to, IDK, buy food for a homeless shelter; gall bladder stones are not necessarily deadly and what's pain compared to starvation? Thyroid medication isn't strictly necessary for my survival and my copay for that could feed a family of three in some countries according to certain commercials. All the time I spend learning coding and bash scripting is serving absolutely no purpose in the greater or even smaller scheme of things. The time I spent writing this entry could have been spent working in a soup kitchen.

so this is a long special snowflake entry )
You know that dream you have about being naked suddenly and everyone is pointing and laughing? Yeah, I never had one of those. Wait, this isn't me being smug about my lack of nudity in dreams here; I am saying that with that entire surgery coming up, one of my big terrors seems to be that under the influence of post-anesthesia and painkillers I'll like, come to my journals and post something insane and friendship destroying.

(I'm sorry; are you judging my fears? Step the fuck off.)

This is haunting me; I was up in a cold sweat recently trying to work out an exit strategy. Because I'll be honest with you here; I won't even try the surgery/painkiller defense if I post something crazy. I'll be like, in metaphorical Burma or something with a new name and deleting every reference to Seperis the fanfic writer I can find while trying to find some kind of interest in Pokemon or anime or something that no one who knew me would be around. Possibly on ff.net.(God. I like anime, but not like that. This is so depressing. Do I need to learn Japanese and embrace loli? I suck at languages.)

But I did work out a plan. Here's how it will go.

1.) Wraithbait. Get the few fic there.
2.) Take out my webpage in a fell swoop.
3.) AO3 next. I'm being subtle.
4.) The dS archive and the trek archive I put fic in.
5.) Diaryland.
6.) Dreamwidth; now my plan is coming into focus!
7.) Livejournal!

Then I realized that I didn't even hit the fucking tip of Seperis' digital footprint.

Insanejournal, Journalfen, Metafilter, Vox, Fanlore, The Remixes, several messageboards, a few blogs, all my cowrites that other people have archived, dear God the mailing lists.

Because there is still the SSA that isn't self-archiving, Trekiverse, PTCollective, WolverineandRogue archive, some other--archives?--and like, I had this open archiving policy for a while and I fall on top of my fic in obscure archives all the time (thanks! I'm glad you liked it! Maybe tell me next time though? Just so it's not quite such a shock to see my name pop up in like Archive of Obscurity I Have Never Heard of Before?), and then there's the fact I used Jenn pretty interchangeably on my fic with Seperis before I switched full time to Seperis--seriously, that was because I was lazy and it was easier if everything matched and seemed less confusing to people, and I get that, too many names--and then there's usenet and that's goddamn eternal. Cockroaches and the usenet archives will survive the apocalypse. And then.

Then there is google.

Dearest God there is google. There is yahoo. There is wayback machine. There is every comment I have ever made. Icerocket, ljseek, bloglines, rss feeds, and that's when I realized that IRL I could vanish a lot easier and with fewer traces than Seperis can. I could get away with a new identity in a new city easier than I can on the internet.

I feel a fetal ball position coming on.

....God, that doesn't even include my email addresses. And Facebook. And MySpace. My AIM, YIM, GCHAT, ICQ (I don't even know the password to that anymore!). And I--don't know what else?

Right. People.

See, that's where I'd actually need that obscure area that no one who has ever met me ever goes; it's not that I'm so unmistakable people might guess on a comment. It's more I'm stupid and I see like, IDK, [personal profile] scy and be like "HEY THAT IS LIKE THAT FIC YOU WROTE THAT I LOVED ABOUT X," and she's like "OH MY GOD I NEVER POSTED THAT AND ONLY SEPERIS EVER SAW IT"--that is the kind of stupid shit I'd do. And not just once, mind you. No. I am not subtle in my stupidity. I mean, I want to say that it's my so-strict ethics that keep me from using sockpuppets and anonymous--no. My so-strict ethics developed from my fail to pull that shit off. I tried--once--in a flamewar ten years ago and I made a mess of it. And that's with like, seven other people telling me what to do.

And fact; I have posted pics, some of you have met me, vacationed with me, let me sleep on your futons with long metal bars through the bottom of them (no names or anything), got drunk with me, and probably would be a little suspicious if a strangely familiar person showed up at the con as YouDontKnowMeReally548 with an eerily familiar vocabulary in too-tall heels clutching a laptop and trying to look like I'm trying really hard to totally not know anyone, you know? My first vodka, just take me for a cigarette and I'll tell you pretty much anything you want to know. I may also want to cuddle; it happens.

(Also. I could be wrong, but I imagine a couple of people who have my mother's phone number just might take advantage of that fact. And by a couple, I mean; wait, why did I give people my mom's phone number?)

There's so much history, and it's not that I didn't know that--it's that I didn't know it like this. I don't blink when someone calls for me using Seperis at a con or out with fangirls; there's five pronunciations and I answer pretty evenly to them all (I'm textual; I have no idea how it's pronounced. I made it up! Then I found out it's an actual legit surname in Serbia circa 2004ish and I'm scared to find out what it sounds like). Half the people I talk to probably have forgotten my name is Jenn. Online, in fandom, in fandom spaces, I don't answer to Jenn as fast as I do to Seperis.

I don't have a problem with that, actually. It's mine the way my birth name isn't.

So this may be more complicated than I originally thought. Yes, I get that not-posting during this hypothetical anesthesia/painkiller crisis is a potential solution, but come on. If I'm going to post crazy, you think I'm going to like, ponder whether or not I should post?

I need to rethink my exit strategy. Maybe while eating this convenient Kit-Kat.
So guess how I spent my time between careful food choices and actual work (which was not as worky as one might hope:

Signal Boost for RaceFail J2 Fic by [livejournal.com profile] amazonziti, for anyone who happened to miss this one hitting their flists this morning. Recommended reading here where [personal profile] bossymarmalade pulls quotes from the J2 Big Bang fic, Caught Between the Earth and the Sky to illustrate why the premise of using Haiti as a setting for J2 romance is--well, in this case, not questionable but faily beyond fail.

Unfunny Business at Journalfen has a full report here, but I recommend [livejournal.com profile] amazonziti first for an excellent link round-up of early initial reactions. I also--I feel it's problematic for me to wander at the internet equivalent of three days later (time passes fast on the internet) to give my thoughts on yaoi, and I think [livejournal.com profile] amazonziti says pretty much everything I could think to say about it and more. She also has a pretty thorough links list on other posts made on the subject; I've read about two thirds of them, so definitely recommend reading them all.
Via [livejournal.com profile] cofax7, Boing-Boing on Bookshop's Post

From boing-boing comment:
If fanfic wants to be something that expresses a love of / obsession with a particular cultural product and reinforces a shared, often subcultural, identity built around it - which is surely, what fanfic is - then it is unlikely to have much impact beyond that. But as soon as it starts to mean something independent of the original product, it ceases to be fanfic and becomes part of wider culture. Exactly like most of the things on this list, whatever their origins.


A lot of arguments about fanfic revolve around the idea of the lack of creativity--which is absurd--the lack of quality--because pro novels are uniformly good, let me refer you to Brian Fucking Herbert before you even bother--but this one, this one....

But as soon as it starts to mean something independent of the original product, it ceases to be fanfic and becomes part of wider culture.

No, it ceases to be fanfic when authors can legally publish it and potentially get paid for it. Diane Duane's Spock's World had exactly as much context to wider culture as D'Alaire's Voyager fic Word Painter.

Cofax goes into the context bit here, which I agree with and keep thinking I want to add to, but it's more complicated than that.

Derivative works already mean something independent of the original product; that's why they were written. So it comes back to the context issue; a derivative work isn't fanfic if it can stand alone without context.

I could say this; all fiction requires context.

I could say this; some fiction requires more context than others.

I could use this: tell me that Apocalypse Now would work if you were not American, did not know the military existed, and lived on the moon. Fiction accesses context consciously and unconsciously all the time, from general cultural context to historical context to language context--Bastard Out of Carolina, hard Southern: Mairelon the Magician, cockney: Ghost Story, very British. The Yellow Wallpaper requires knowing about the treatment of women by society and the patriarchy in the nineteenth century; Raj needs a basic understanding of India's state under British rule and the effects of colonialism.

And [personal profile] samdonne's Your Cowboy Days Are Over requires some understanding of colonialism and Stargate: Atlantis.

At some point, someone needs to just admit it; it's not about context, and in some ways, it's not even about copyright; it's the subculture around fanfic that makes it unacceptable. Derivative fiction that comes out of mainstream is literary and critical and meaningful and art; derivative fiction that comes out of fanfic communities isn't.

Or as one poster put it:
I read (and watch, and listen to) plenty of things that aren't pushing any artistic boundaries. But I don't pretend it's anything more than popcorn, and for the most part the producers don't pretend it's anything more than popcorn.


Yeah. I miss coffee right now.

ETA: Link corrected.
Related to the entire Unfunny Prowriter making vague whining sounds about fanfic that we all celebrated in song and rhyme and whatnot, but much more interesting.

From comments, [journalfen.net profile] sapote3:
It took me a couple of days to source this, but I think it's pretty accurate. According to the US Department of Labor, there are about 43,000 people who make their living through writing (including screenwriting, ads, movies, etc), but only about 8,000 that make a living writing for newspapers, periodicals, books, and directories (all combined). According to the Writer's Directory 2010, there are about 23,000 writers in the world who have published at least one book in English, including nonfiction works. The Directory of American Writers and Poets (again, including nonfiction) lists about 8,000 names. According to Wikipedia, fanfiction.net has two million users, and I don't even know how big lj fandom is - lj searches top out at 2,000 people. Heck, there as many active Dreamwidth accounts as there are writers who have published any book in English ever - 23,000ish.

So while my numbers are vague, I think the idea that we're a smaller population then prowriters is pretty laughable. - link to comment


Can I say "Welcome to Thunderdome." in portentous tones now and be culturally relevant or is that too melodramatic? Because come the fuck on. My log alone for the last two years numbers above one thousand authors and I only read in four fandoms actively. AO3--which is in beta--has 6946 authors to date.

I'm going to go out on a limb and say, yeah. This is not an improbable conclusion.

Note: non-English speaking work is not represented, though now I would be interested if we could even get world-wide statistics in publishing both English and non-English works. I guess individually pulling from each country's equivalent department would do it if it were public information, with a variable for translated works (I once read Basic Instinct--yes, Basic Instinct--in Finnish). Especially since from what I can tell, I think several of the non-English language fanfic communities are extremely robust and growing fairly rapidly.

PS Do we count non-published doujin? And someone give me the right spelling on that one, google and wiki were not helpful.

I am posting so I won't buy boots, okay? Okay.

ETA: Okay, off-topic, but there's an awesome discussion on hobby mining here. Hobby mining! Tell me that is not awesome.
Charming:

Continuing adventures in authors with--um, "issues"--with fanfic (from Clarivoyant Wank).

"Fans who write non-porn stories about TV shows are a different kind of writer. If they love the shows, which are a group production to begin with, that much, what the hell, they probably don't have the taste and imagination to write anything original anyway." - [personal profile] aberwyn

Not sure how to interpret the 'porn' bit. Completely entranced minds utterly riveted by this bit of wisdom really want to know. Because my sex scenes are kinda derivative off of like, biology. I know! No imagination. Except that one I didn't post, but you try working marsupial-esque and see what you come up with. (Unless you are [livejournal.com profile] justabi, because you already did.)

In case those of us who write fanfic off of textual works and not tv were feeling left out, we are processed cheese and hamburger helper.

There was also something about how it's like embroidery with patterns or something, but I lost point of the analogy, but I was getting the feeling the gist was "Look at me! I have imagination! By my definition at least." Or something.

No, seriously. She has her own definition.

Has anyone said anything new or interesting about this? Derivative arguments lack imagination. By my definition at least.

ETA: Corrected link.
Signalboost:

Via [livejournal.com profile] zvi_likes_tv:

I have a problem with the fact that people are creating [sexually explicit fic and art of the Surveyfail "researchers"] with the intention of maliciously shoving them in the subjects' faces, specifically for the purpose of humiliating them." -- by sohotrightnow

This is in regard to the protest art by [livejournal.com profile] alchemia here. Warning: NSFW, and potentially triggering. It also refers to RPS written about the researchers.

Warning: This entry may be triggery from mention of rape.

about that )

ETA: To anyone who read this and was hurt by my lack of sensitivity in discussing kink, please accept my apology. At no time did I mean to imply in any way a judgment on kinks in general or anyone's kinks in specific. I'm very, very sorry to those who were hurt or felt marginalized or judged by my clumsiness in wording this. There's a clarification in the last paragraph behind the cut which I hope will make that clear.

ETA: Feel free to continue discussion, but I will not be participating in it any further.

ETA of the ETA: Lack of participation, however, does not equal a lack of attention. In other words, I want to use the dirtiest in the English language--play nice. I understand this is because I am a girl and conditioned to niceness or something. Whatever.
So I have gotten out my temper tantrum and have returned to my usual state of rationality.

If you have no idea what Survey!Fail is, courtesy of [livejournal.com profile] elfwreck, linkspam one, linkspam two and linkspam three will give you a million posts on what is going on, and a lot of them are really fun, and some of them are very technical, and some made me wikipedia and learn about phrenology, which is about skull measurements to determine personality. Which you know, seriously, I don't even know at this point what the hell I am reading, but one day, I am going to go on Jeopardy and kick ass because of the sheer amount of random information I am picking up.

If you want it shorter and in a single layman entry, however, my comm of choice is Unfunny Business, which has like, everything.

So. Two links courtesy of [livejournal.com profile] jonquil:

Neurology For Beginners by [livejournal.com profile] neededalj, who has been critical in debunking a lot of what was going around about what this survey was doing.

Psychology for Beginners by [livejournal.com profile] sabrina_il, which debunks what psychology can do right now and what it can't.

My Random Comments After Reading Five Million Entries or Something Like That

I am still feeling stroppy, so I'm skipping commentary, which luckily, cannot possibly be missed since there's tons of it out there. I just kind of want to, you know, tell a story and not be reminded that in fandom, the act of posting fiction is part of an ongoing realtime study examining why on earth I'm doing such a thing and everything that could possibly, possibly mean.

And you know, I want a pony, too. Give me a few days and I will totally be over it.
This is an unreasonable rant. You are warned. Also, I love all acafen and especially the ones on my flist and I would let you study me if you asked whenever you want, mmkay? I am just saying, this is a rant and I am not reasonable right now.

Reference: That Entire Fannish Survey Thing - Links. Oh God, so many links.

So for the last twenty-four hours, I've been slowly but surely building up to a towering rage at the entire SurveyFail in new and strange ways. I am seriously sitting here with the unflattering realization that fandom--well, me in fandom--is a freaking regency romance heroine in need of rescue like, a lot.

i am really tired of being a regency cliche )

This entire rant is courtesy of Britney Spears Circus. How freakishly appropriate.

ETA: Comment here might clarify why this has apparently become for me some kind of--thing. IDK.
Random thought.

Well, not random, I was catching up on my [community profile] metafandom and fell on top of the entire Readercon thing, which--

like this didn't pique my interest )

I am drinking high-grade coffee and ignoring two WiPs. What else am I going to do at this late hour? You know what would help? [profile] aurora_87 reccing more Pinto, kthx.

*I am going to remember to crosspost, dammit. One day.
Random thought.

Well, not random, I was catching up on my [livejournal.com profile] metafandom and fell on top of the entire Readercon thing, which--

like this didn't pique my interest )

I am drinking high-grade coffee and ignoring two WiPs. What else am I going to do at this late hour? You know what would help? [livejournal.com profile] aurora_84 reccing more Pinto, kthx.
I don't know if anyone would be all that interested at this date, but I did a few meta posts in 2003 right after I came to LJ (Novmeber 2002) about the transition between mailing lists and LJ (and in fact, I was usenet in 1999, so I was in the last three major jumps). For some people who have expereinced fandom only as LJ, I think this entire thing may be kind of bizarre and a little frightening, which yes, it is. I transitioned usenet-onenet-egroups-yahoogroups-diaryland-livejournal and away from archives, though I've always had a webpage. Every time there was a major change, it was disconcerting and confusing.

links, fandom, changes, etc )

If anyone else has any posts on fandom migration, or changes in fandom between mediums, etc, please, please, please link in comments, especially those of you who wrote them, and I'll add them at the end of this post.

Crosspost to Livejournal.
I don't know if anyone would be all that interested at this date, but I did a few meta posts in 2003 right after I came to LJ (Novmeber 2002) about the transition between mailing lists and LJ (and in fact, I was usenet in 1999, so I was in the last three major jumps). For some people who have expereinced fandom only as LJ, I think this entire thing may be kind of bizarre and a little frightening, which yes, it is. I transitioned usenet-onenet-egroups-yahoogroups-diaryland-livejournal and away from archives, though I've always had a webpage. Every time there was a major change, it was disconcerting and confusing.

links, fandom, changes, etc )

If anyone else has any posts on fandom migration, or changes in fandom between mediums, etc, please, please, please link in comments, especially those of you who wrote them, and I'll add them at the end of this post.

Crosspost to Dreamwidth.
There's been some discussion of a boycott of Tor--I mean, I am not seeing an anti-Tor community popping up or anything, but before that happens, I'm going to quote [livejournal.com profile] chopchica on the subject:

The thing is, phn and tnh, while both *huge assholes* =/= Tor, just as some really asshatted authors =/= Tor. There are a lot of authors - and future authors - who will be the ones penalized if there's a boycott or backlass. It's a real conundrum for me. I personally don't ever want them to see a dime of my money. However, I don't want to punish others for their bad behavior.

I'm a bit worried that this post is going to rally up some kind of larger boycott, or be seen as a call for one, so I'm going to run around and paste this response here and there, just to make it clear I am *not* suggesting everybody boycott Tor. I think a much better response would be to send letters of crit to the top of the houses, to try to make it clear that the actions of pnh and especially tnh are very seriously hurting their future business - as well as possibly frightening a lot of future authors into never subbing to them.
- link


This isn't to suggest anyone--anyone, most especially those most hurt by [livejournal.com profile] tnh's actions during this--shouldn't follow their conscience and if they are uncomfortable buying from Tor, I respect and support their decision completely and without reserve.

Having said that, I think [livejournal.com profile] chopchica hit the nail on the head in what this means. I'm not sure a boycott will have any effect on [livejournal.com profile] tnh or her husband, but it could badly damage other writers. As someone with several published writers on their flist (I have no idea what company they use, come to think, but they could be affected, so take this with the knowledge I have a Schrodinger's dog who may or may not be fighting), I'm aware, as far as their entries on the subject have indicated, how difficult it is to make a comfortable living doing it. For that matter, I think most of us can name one or two published or pre-published writers we know and talk to.

I cannot and will not presume to tell anyone, for any reason, what they should do or how they should feel (and if I do, hi, if my pants are down? I will fix that shit first, ask questions later), but I do want to emphasize that the authors affected will be invisible collateral damage. We won't know who they are, or how they will be affected, or if a new writer, maybe one of our friends, a member of our community, our fandom, our flist, was rejected in relation to a formal boycott.

So--yes. I only rewrote that four times in an hour.
Huh.

There's a part of me that's just--I guess is both irritated and resigned about the pseudo-intellectual snobbery that is anti-pop culture and anti-popularity. But it's also this.

I like the Lemming Method. I am a fan of the Lemming Method. If I could somehow acquire my own personal charisma machine and pimp everyone by sheer strength of personality into whatever fandom I'm in? I would be doing that for every damn fandom I have. I mean, sure, if you want, let divine intervention lead you to that very special text, but you know what? I found a much faster way to discover what I love.

I don't need fandom to tell me about a text I already love, though that's nice as well. I need fandom to show me what I'm missing. Did I miss spies or space cowboys or King Arthur, did I miss magical schoolboys or Superman redux or Wolverine in a cage (thank God for Diebin)? I've done both; I have dragged friends into fandoms they weren't interested in and watched them fall in love, and I've followed people where they went because I wanted to see what was so damn shiny in the other side of the hill. It's not everyone's way, but it's a lot of mine. I loved Diebin before I saw X-Men; I adored [livejournal.com profile] astolat before I fell on top of Stargate; I was all about [livejournal.com profile] cesperanza before I went near Due South.

Being apologetic because the authors interested you first? Because the fandom interested you before the source? Are you kidding? Apologize because I found a group of people so awesome and want to join in? Because the sheer rush of creativity is so overwhelming I want to be a part of it? Because there's one person that's worth watching one to three seasons of a show I wasn't too sure of so I'd get her fic?

That's what I celebrate.

Fandom cannot be done wrong, per se, but in a lot of ways, following each other around to see where they go, check out the other side of the mountain, looking in blank astonishment at a text or source you are pretty sure you are going to hate, but what the hell, [livejournal.com profile] brown_betty loves it, so okay--this exemplifies what attracted me to fandom in the first place. Beyond the source itself, it forces me to do what I wouldn't do on my own, makes me think outside what I'm comfortable with, and gives me nice rewards if I do those things.

Sure, I can't claim to be edgy, independent, intellectual, or special. I can claim, however, that unlike outside of fandom, if the source fails me, if the show/book/comic/medium fails me, the fandom around it never does.

Be a lemming. Jump blind over the cliff because your friends are doing it. Sure, the jump is scary, and you can't work out why the hell they thought this was a good idea, but the rush is unbelievable. You'll love what you find on the other side.

ETA: Current guild rules require me to mention [livejournal.com profile] svmadelyn, [livejournal.com profile] chopchica, and [livejournal.com profile] amireal as the primary lead lemmings leading me over whatever cliff they find.

ETA 2: I forgot to use my lemming icon. Lemming pride, my friends. Lemming pride.
I've been thinking on whether to post this or not, but because I'm me, and because I ended up tagging for it, and because it exists, what the heck.

statistics in reading lists )

The thing that makes me vaguely uncertain is that my reading is highly slanted toward authors that I already know, and specifically, a group of authors I already know (and seriously, Ces makes like one eighth of my total reading; that's a hell of a curve). I read associatively and by rec page by the following priority: a.) people I know from SGA to b.) people I know from SV to c.) people who had fic I liked a lot in other fandoms to d.) rec lists to e.) things people throw at me in livejournal entries that involve kittens and help ease the pain of the loss of Handy, which I may never recover from.

House Style

You know, despite the fact I am not running a strange fannish social experiment (honestly, I am always and forever into this for the porn), I did want to share this.

I wrote a fic last week and haven't posted for dS when I was around one hundred something stories in. This was--hmm. Actually, closer to ten days ago. This weekend, however, I started writing something else, just for myself to work on voice, since pure dialogue entertains me. Ran into a problem I'm not sure I've ever run into before, and by that, I mean, not unless I've been deliberately working on something that's against what I usually write and need to adjust back.

This weekend, I couldn't remember how to write third person limited in a way that was actually readable.

It took me a couple of hours to figure out why my rhythm was off. And it was off, and not just off, but badfic level sentence structure nightmare off, weird loss of single point of view off. At a glance, it looked a mess. At not a glance and spending time trying to repair, I realized I was trying to write past tense first person instead and kept correcting myself to present while writing. I mean, that's the only explanation I can work out. The problem wasn't even the story--it was all in present with correction. But I wrote it like someone who wrote it in past tense first and then went through and changed the verbs and pronouns only, which to be honest, is pretty much what I was doing even if I wasn't aware of it. And I wasn't thinking in present at all; I was thinking in past. And there is, at least for me, a dramatically different way I visualize and construct a scene, much less write it, depending on tense.

Personally, I have no idea whether to find this hilarious or disturbing. I know as of this last week for the Doctor Who and the other dS fic, I was not doing that. But as of Sunday afternoon, I was and I'm still not entirely adjusted back.

I really want to call this fannish Stockholm Syndrome. Or Fangirl Borg? I have no idea. It's very cool in a very strange way. On one hand, I haven't changed my default style since SV and at least part of that change was deliberate (and when ClarkLex had that person come in to complain about present tense, I might have decided that God as my witness, I will never write past tense again or something). On the other, that change wasn't entirely conscious either; part of the reason I picked up third/present was that most of my reading was in that tense (aka [livejournal.com profile] thete1 et al) and it was, in some ways, easier to match what I was reading than it was to try to work against it.
I am ridiculously irritable right now, which is partially high level sleep deprivation, as I am an idiot, and partially stewing--I kid you not--over Dr. Who finale reviews. Part of this is I keep reading them, even when the subject line says it will not be my cup of tea, and part of it is vague unformed anticipation of a new SGA season, and a bit of it is I somehow, while randomly reading through Due South recs, managed to hit three deathfic, and a dead puppy fic one after another because I kept forgetting to check the warnings. I can't even work out the odds on managing that.

Dead puppy!

Then Madelyn pasted some traumatizing Jack/Ianto that helped clear my mind of omg dead puppy! and went to oh my God, someone *wrote* that? Why? which was zen inducing because I cannot deal with dead puppies (puppy!) but terrifying Torchwood porn is a-okay.

Short and vaguely grumpy, below cut, Dr. Who spoilers, Rose specific:

because I just want to get this out of my system before I act incredibly stupid in public )

Okay, now that is done. I am still not sleepy. And now I am remembering dead puppy fic. Gah. Puppy. And hopefully, will see Nephew today. Pictures are promising.
This is vaguely in relation to the culture shock thing I was having in dS, but also something I was pondering due to the ten million or so conversations in there in community influence.

Meta, to me, is mental fanfic of a kind--you take the ideas (characters) and work out a reason for interaction (plot), then use what you have read (canon) to hold it together. Occasionally other people's theories as well (fanon). In a very loose way. I am not good at it, because I don't read it often enough to get into the flow of ideas (ie, I am not part of the fandom of meta). I am an interpretive community of one (tm [livejournal.com profile] cathexys), so to speak. I have no idea how to generalize outside myself as a.) wow, bad idea, b.) no, seriously, bad idea and c.) I can't explain the ocean.

That's why I can't explain this.

For me, community plays a key role in pretty much everything, from how I view the text, read the text, discuss the text, to how I argue against the text. Depending on time, place, the state of caffeine in my bloodstream, and whether I've had this argument before, it can influence how I interpret the text via fanfic. It's not so much agreement by majority, though I won't lie, majority is freaking influential both consciously and unconsciously. Leather pants fic hit every freaking fandom for a reason, no matter how strange. Every. Fandom. Has Leather Pants fic.

That's community influence. Leather pants.

So that long lead in to this: I'm weirded out that I got hit, extremely hard, in that epic way fic does when you just live and die on it and want to rec it everywhere and talk about it with everyone, by two fic that I ran across that was linked from a rec page but did not say "Also, this is going to be that one fic you have been looking for" which I find unfair. And I'm not at all sure why. Because for me, as a rule, I require both personal input (god that was good) combined with community involvement (and everything that entails).

It's not that I've loved every fanfic that broke fandom. But I don't tend to collapse over fic when there is a total lack of any kind of community context. A fic usually hits for me in this particular way because it's fantastic, because it is being discussed (so I can indulge myself), and because it speaks to the fannish community in the text in some way, in whatever arguments the community is having over whatever. Like [livejournal.com profile] thete1's Past Grief (apocafic, an evil Superman, debates over good and evil and his actions and/or lack of actions in the text, blah blah blah), or [livejournal.com profile] samdonne's Cowboys fics (Sheppard's motivation, personality, right and wrong, limits of family and friendship, the list goes on), and etcetera.

So I was really surprised to find two dS stories that had that effect when I don't have community context to work with or against, or heck, have anything to work period since I'm not part of the community either at the time of writing or technically, right now. I have to think there's some universal theme going on that they are speaking to in a very big way, but for fanfic, for me, they shouldn't without context.

And because I'm sure someone wants to know, below cut are the fics in question.

one, two three )

You know, this is far too much meta in two weeks. I need to return to porn now.
Lethargy shouldn't be combined with suddenly wanting to turn one's reading log into a statistical sampling, but I was fixing my tags by month (the thing is, I used to have this sucker sorted by *day*, that is how anal I was) and wondered if creating a tag for pov would be *that* bad of an idea. Just so I know. And then create a flowchart on how I got where to what fic when and how, which is kind of crazy, and then realized I was picking out colors for the Venn diagram and closed everything before something weird happened.

I don't even know what to do with that but satisfy my vague curiosity if there *are* actually an overwhelming number of first person pov stories or if I feel that because in SGA, that's the unicorn of fictional points of view. It's just so uncommon; off the top of my head, I cannot think of a first person pov story I've read in the last year before Due South. In fact, to tell the truth, I can't remember the last time I read an experimental second person. And I can't remember a fic I read that had more than one narrator other than gen fic by [livejournal.com profile] miss_porcupine and [livejournal.com profile] ltlj. I know there were some--probably several. But I can't think of any that weren't exclusively third person limited, one narrator.

Also, I've never seen anyone anywhere pull off omniscient narrator without making me want to beat my head in before now. That was neat.

Hmm. I think part of my curiosity for dS is to see if it's actually *that* common because I used three specific rec pages to jump from one at a time, so for all intents and purposes, I'm going to hit a lot of *similar* fics, in that they all conform to the reccers taste and it's recent enough that I can still remember (and have in cache), how I went here or there. It's like a fannish migration pattern in miniature. It's especially true when hitting certain authors, weirdly enough--I'll read X author, remember she's really close to Y author, go to Y author to see if she wrote anything, check Z who was friends with Y, and keep going out until I run out of associations and return to the rec page (I run out of associations fast, btw).

Okay, so I am enthralled with really useless information, but it's kind of fascinating. I started logging July first, five days after starting to *read the fic* and had to retroactively add in the June ones. Going backward through them is kind of dizzying.

Overthinking useless things == totally my thing.
In relation to Something's Lost in Translation....

I'm trying to work out if using fic examples would lead to chaos and horror. I went to my log tags and there are a few authors there I'm thinking of as transitional, or ones where I was confused, confused, confused, then oh! Yes! Maybe! Okay! And the thing is? I think all of them are SGA writers as well. As in, I used them to translate for me between what I knew and what I know now (though it's only now I'm getting why I read Eight Sessions by Ces fifteen times--I was home! I knew this style! Expectations were reached!)

No, really. I think it was fifteen times or something. I had it open at work for a few days so I could go back to something I knew and that flowed the way I expected it to flow.

Speaking of--I woke up about two hours ago and wow, smart people! Explaining! My life is better and less schizophrenic just knowing I wasn't having a breakdown.
Until now, I didn't realize there was such a sharp demarcation between fandom pre-livejournal and now.

I'm having a moment, and it's very weird, and I'm not sure I can explain it without sounding like I'm having a close and personal experience with some sort of hallucinogen. It's not fanon or tone or even style, except it's all of those things, and it's the underlying set of base assumptions that feel like I'm reading in a foreign language.

One hundred fifty something stories and it's--okay, five million years ago in SV, I was talking to this chick who had been writing since the beginning of time and there was this fic and a flamewar going on, which normally I'd go into but not relevant except for the fact I might not have ever gotten on the subject except flamewar, so we were talking about anything else, and I asked about this fic.

I have no idea how to explain how off-balance I am. But trying.

It was a Smallville fic, and it felt wrong to me, and by that I do not mean bad. I mean, I walked out of a perfectly good fic feeling like this: we were watching the same show. Exactly. And we were in the same fandom! Except in completely parallel universes that were exactly the same except her color blue was my azure, does that make sense? I could not connect with it at all, and that was the year 2002 where I met this fic so you see I remember very vividly that strange sense of disorientation, because at that point I had read everything that was posted to SSA so it's not like I didn't know my fandom. Yes, I even read the really bad stuff. I was a glutton for punishment. I'd read things that I still try too block from my memory, and for that matter, have, but I'd never read a fic in my fandom, in my pairing, that was good, that had nothing wrong with it, that I did not understand.

So far in Due South, proportionally speaking, I'm hitting ten percent where I'm not disoriented, and this is after I reduced my sampling size to authors I've read in at least two fandoms and at least once wanted to marry. It is not helping.

To return to my charming anecdote (the SV fic of strangeness, you don't have to scroll back up now), the person I spoke to gave me this long explanation that I don't even remember all that well (would that I did), but I came out of it with the vague idea it was Some Kind of Convention of Slash That I Did Not Know, Not Being a Slasher of the Old School You Poor First Slash Fandom Person or something, which is in retrospect kind of patronizing, but I could be misremembering that, since you know, 2002.

However, recent experience suggests she was kind of right, at least in the fact that the disassociated feeling is actually not a fluke and not the result of reading in a different fandom after SGA monogamy.

It's very, very disconcerting.

ETA: People, if I knew what this feeling was called, I would be explaining without analogies. I'd reduce it to a sentence.
Circa 1999, when I started in Voyager, fandom, and the long, dark trail that later led me to unironic mreg, sex pollen, and rentboy torture, my beta sent me two tapes of Sarah McLachlan since I'd just discovered music after several years of Alanis Morisette, which okay, not a transition that's all that easy to make. I've written approximately a quarter of my total fic output in all fandoms to some form of Sarah playing in the background at some point. You could say I imprinted hard. I've killed a lot of characters set to that tape.

Kind of realized when Due South started playing it that I was fucked.

Due South in review:

well, that was gutting )

Mock at will. I'm kind of gutted and really really high on this and season two starts tonight and season three this weekend and I might not even get out of bed. I love this show so much
Meta recs:

On bandflesh and anonymity in fandom by [livejournal.com profile] wistfuljane. It makes an interesting argument about the reasons for anonymity and the pitfalls.

If you as a community of bandfleshers are willing to allow things to be said without facing retributions then you must, I think, be able to accept things said against your community without punishing those who said them.

On the other side:

re:bandflesh by [livejournal.com profile] impertinence. This one is pro-anonymous and I like her explanation of the attraction and why it works for her:

Have you ever posted something, went to bed, woken up and thought OH SHIT WHY DID I DO THAT D: but known it was too late to stop people remembering you as "that chick who posted that opinion I REALLY HATE"? Yeah, me too. But on bandflesh, no matter how dumb you are, there's always the chance for forgiveness, because you're anon. People's grudges might last into forever, but they're not grudges against you and don't color further interaction.

I think [livejournal.com profile] wistfujane comes closest to my feelings; it can't be a one-way street. The problem isn't wanting somewhere to post that's anonymous; stripping away individual identity is freeing as hell and allows people to say what they don't feel they can say otherwise, or that they feel they will be reviled for, or heck, as [livejournal.com profile] impertinence states above. That's why anonymous memes are so popular.

But, at least for me, giving up individuality to a group does, in fact, mean you take responsibility for asshattery that happens in the group. That's part of the trade you make for that freedom.

ETA: The Place With the Thing by [livejournal.com profile] quettaser. I liked this one too. Also in defense of anonymous comm, etc.
So I finished putting together the thing I want to do a challenge for, because I feel my interaction with the community should be a.) more than stories about cheese building and b.) rentboy John fic, As a sideline, I came to the horrified realization I have now officially written about someone prostituting themselves enough to add that as an actual interest.

And I don't even like rentboy fic.

The question will never be "Jenn, are you a hypocrite?" We are now at the enviable stage where "But no one beat them! ....until part sixteen." I don't even know where I set the bar anymore. I keep getting freaked out by my del.icio.us tags.

This Is a World of Women

Challenge, right. As soon as we have all recovered sufficiently from Election Drama and WisCon, which for the first time I want to attend, because any group of women who can walk away from the kind of shit that was thrown are pretty much the epitome of what we should try to be.

See A Response to Hate by [livejournal.com profile] purplefrog26:
So not only do you face the challenges of dealing with society but you tell yourself that you are ugly, worthless and disgusting. So it becomes a radical act when you choose to live your life and love yourself despite the negativity that we swim thorough every day.

I’m not sure what this person’s objective was in posting these pathetic attempts at humor. But I know that they did not change my commitment to living my life joyfully and abundantly. And I prefer pictures to include my face.


And this fantastic response at Fatshionista:
Do it. Take it. Take my picture and eviscerate me online. It’s just a public, out-loud, communal version of what people do to me inside their heads every single day. It’s happened to me before, online and off. It’ll happen again. It’ll happen every day I leave the house, for the rest of my life.

I am still fat, and I am still not sorry. And nothing you can say, nothing you can post, nothing you can do will change that. No matter how many times you try to humiliate me. No matter how much you want me to hate myself. Because it’s my fucking body. And I don’t owe you a damn thing.


That.

And This Is Community Standards

It's odd; the idiotic open source molestation for fun and profit, the backup project, the election, WisCon hit each after the other. I don't think there's less drama, believe it or not; I'm not even sure it's that I'm noticing it more. I just didn't pay attention.

There are a lot of parents on my flist. I'll take even odds half of us will have a child turned troll. I'll say the percentage is higher for boys, but as we have seen, the girls are catching up.

and what do community standards do with what comes next )
I think election week has had a detrimental effect on my temper. Yesterday I made myself delete a post on my level of exhaustion with the slasher == misogynist crap that magically pops up every so often with random uncited "But someone somewhere once said something about girlparts that could be construed as she thought they were icky!" and wow, five pages later, I put that away before something snapped.

However, this is the internet and while I totally thought I was topped out? It turns out I wasn't.

[livejournal.com profile] cereta posts here about the events that occurred during and after Wiscon this year. For a pretty thorough explanation, Angry Black Woman posts here about what happened. Short version:

A woman named Rachel Moss put a post on Something Awful mocking attendees not because of their politics or their feminism or their willingness to come to Wisconsin, but because they were too fat, too white, too male, or too black for her taste.

Not just a post. Pictures (faces blocked, badges not so much) of attendees.

Fannish community standards were created as a protective measure to fen from harassment that, as this has pretty much proven, still exists. We created it because we're fen, because our first reaction to being hit is to hit back as hard as we possibly can, because that shit hurts and no one wants to be around for a second punch. If we get rid of them first, they can't get us again.

(Or we vanish. For good.)

It was created to protect us, as much from each other as others. It gives everyone a quick, easy answer to the question. To protect our community. To make as safe as possible the spaces we created for ourselves.

It was not, and never has been, a way to protect the harassers. This isn't a fine line situation. This isn't even a grey spot of sliding scale. This was not the internet alone. This was real life, in the flesh, in a physical location, documented stalking of attendees and their children for the purposes of abusing them. Community standards are not a way to fuck each other over in RL and expect and require people to never talk about it.

This had nothing to do with fandom. RL harassment is not a protected fannish activity. Community standards do not apply.

...the posts I linked to say this a lot better. Go there.

ETA: Or go here, where [livejournal.com profile] coffeeandink gives an excellent, thorough, and well-measured response to the Unfunny Business post that I'm still--boggling over.
A few days ago, whilst reading [livejournal.com profile] poisontaster's meta, Why Is There Not More Shunning, I hit a comment that I'm still thinking about. And not even due to Care Bear trauma for distraction.

[livejournal.com profile] vee_fic wrote here (partial quote):
On the other hand, I tend to agree with [livejournal.com profile] cryptoxin describing the JournalFen cluster of comms as the "rogue judiciary" -- especially now that UnfunnyBusiness is up. You show up on F_W, it's because you acted wanky; you may know what is silly behavior by what shows up on F_W. You show up on UFB, it's because you acted in a way that makes rage; you may know the borders of fandom's anger by reading that comm. The existence of the two places -- and the distinction between them -- are educations in the (changing) parameters of acceptable behavior within fandom.


One, I'd like to find the post that [livejournal.com profile] cryptoxin discusses this in, because wow, that is kind of the nutshell of what I haven't been able to articulate.

I kinda agree. I know Unfunny Business isn't one of the direct wank offspring as stated: more the unacknowledged bastard hate child of OTF by way of Deep Thoughts during a drunken one night stand, but it *does* have the same feeling. In retrospect, I'm also surprised it didn't pop up a lot sooner; the borderlands between snark at pretentious and anger at stupidity can be narrow and crossed easily most of the time, and I think a lot of people go both ways when we get hit with something and we'd like to indulge both. Miss Scribe (bad_penny comm) was funny as hell, but it was also, for those intimately involved, hideously painful either in present or in the past.

Examples: OSBP was enraging and also hilarious by turns depending on what time of day it was, because you couldn't help staring at the arguments and wondering if some of them really were aware what they were saying*. The SPN stealth-comm takeover arrangements leading back to a history of comm-coups in SPN. SVA Vs JKR in all it's weird glory.

Usually, I can get the general tenor how fandom is thinking if I hit Fandom Wank, UFB, Wank Report, and MetaFandom by turns and not just on the fandom-eating issues. Sure, every once in a while, like OSBP, something hits us out of nowhere, but also, I'm not really sure it does. I'd bet money if you traced metafandom over six months, you could work out a fairly good predictive model for blow up probability. Whether it goes all-fandom wide or not is trickier**.

It becomes trickier when I think of dogpile versus shun and why we wince when we see it or do it, and I'm not entirely sure it's Cult of the Nice or Geek Fallacy or even World of Women that's the base theory behind it. I think it's the same reason Miss Scribe lasted so long, why some fanpeople can get away with a *lot* of shitty behavior, and why most of us won't and don't even consider doing a reveal of someone we know who screwed us over outside filter and likely do it only over AIM to loyal parties only. Sometimes, I think no one wants to start a war and find it turned on them. It's a lot safer to wait for critical mass to get hit and have a comm pick it up.

Pretty sure I had a point here. When you find it, that is totally what this entry was about. Not rambling at all.


* - for the rest of my life, I will never understand how the OP could talk about the shy, insecure women who tentatively asked for breast-enpowerment through groping and not realize how fucking creepy that was. I don't think any phrase ever skeeved me as badly as that one in how it was both worded and that it existed at all. And there is no way that could have been worded by anyone that it wouldn't have set off every alarm I have installed, both pre-installed and society-created models.

** - I've often wondered if the explosion in OSBP is related to the Mary Jane debacle that some of us walked out of feeling vaguely shell-shocked and nauseated by turns. At least for me, seeing the same reworded statement in defense of the former that were posted in the latter under anonymous (and those charming flames, fun) was enlightening. I don't often go from zero to DIAF that fast.
Okay, this is the stupidest thing to be irritated in the entire universe. I was reading back in my lj, since I am regaining zen if it kills me (and not thinking of SGA vampire romance novels with sexy and creepy blood rituals at all, thanks for asking), and I realized I started all these discussions and then didn't participate!. And the comments are all thinky and awesome yet answering a month later is just weird. And then I answered feedback and then went back and stared bitterly at my past self's total non-commitment to fannish participation.

Now, for something entirely different and not related but deeply hilarious. I have found this pattern. Every so often, I really really need SPN fic. I mean, in that way that I will in fact not only google for it, I will wander through del.icio.us unescorted and totally click on anything that says Sam/Dean because I totally love them beyond reason. Needless to say, yes, of course I cried a lot in horror. And no, I will never be clean again after that one with the stuff and that thing and oh my God what the hell?. But I always finally find three authors and settle down to read everything they wrote and use their recs to get around (God created [livejournal.com profile] esorlehcar for my erratic reading habits, I swear). Then there's always [livejournal.com profile] svmadelyn's rec page, which is my last resort because sometimes I feel we may be engaged in a weird game of competitive reccing. It's hard to explain.

Now here is what always makes me think the universe likes me.

i just find it funny, okay? )

ETA: Annnd [livejournal.com profile] forestgreen is my new favorite person and gave us the Breakdown of EVIL in Fandom in colored pie chart form. My love is like a shallow, yet exceedingly large ocean.
Environments are in read-only for mass updates. I wish I could explain what that actually is, because it's deceivingly nothing like what those words mean according to the dictionary, but I really can't. I know it's a mass, and it's an update, and while yes, it is, no, it's really not. And it sucks.

However, this rare morning, it gives me a short, brilliant moment to surf friendsfriends.

Sarah T on the lower numbers of John/Ronon in SGA.

Actually, I've kind of vaguely wondered about that, but--the thing is, my first fandom was Star Trek and I came out of that physically incapable of not having a header (though sometimes I break conditioning and remove it) and a taste for random internet drama. I also came out of it unable to believe Kirk was heterosexual and it would still be a year before I stared blankly at my first slash OTP (Pyro/Iceman, in case you were curious).

(Sidenote: I was on there watching or posting actively 1999 -2001--wow. Just. Yeah. This is why flamewars rarely scare me and why I don't often participate; I know some fandoms have been far wankier for far longer and with greater populations and drama, but I'm not sure any fandom post-usenet can hit that same deeply terrifying intensity where there were no prisoners taken and occasionally you realized the ground was being sown with salt. Deeply awesome. Even when you had no idea what Treksmut university was and kept freaking out every time your inbox pinged.)

Right. Moving on. The OTP even in Voyager was Kirk/Spock. I mean, that's an exaggeration, but not much of one. ASCEM(L) was like, KS Central. And I know this because I didnt' read slash and contextually knew at the time the plotlines to three of the winning GO stories.

Now, my question--are there any fandoms who have had more than one major pairing of the same type at the same time? As in, more than one major slash and more than one major het?

Since Trek, I've never been involved in a fandom that did, so I'm curious. And I'm not sure my memories of Trek are accurate, as this was 1999/2000 and I spent about half that time going, oh my God this is the best thing in the world! And um, writing Paris/Seven post-Paris/Torres breakup porn. Because I didn't like Seven and that's how I deal with dislike. It felt like Janeway/Chakotay and Paris/Torres had similiarly strong followings, though J/C was a bit older and larger, and Chakotay/Paris and Paris/Kim seemed relatively even (in retrospect, the locked archives actually skew it even more; I never even *knew* about some of them before Smallville).

I'd ask what everyone thinks influences a pairing to be written, but the answers will be, invariably:
a.) Lots of feedback! OR Feedback doesn't matter! Etc. Etc. Etc.
b.) BNFs! OR BNFs turn me off pairings! Etc. Etc. Etc.
c.) Big Pairings are sheep! OR Rare pairing are boring! Etc. Etc. Wait, didn't we do this recently?
d.) Blah. Blah. Blah. Blah. (insert here)

I always wondered if it was just a moment of fannish--unity, if you will, like when a mob forms. Like, remember when you went to cheer at a football game and suddenly in the third quarter and while you've never been the perkiest cheerleader and kinda quiet, you're suddenly filled with bloodlust and helping to lead the crowd in screaming BEAT THE WATERPIGS and lost your voice for a day? (They were hippos. Yes, we got in some much trouble for that one. So very much worth it.) (My algebra teacher was louder than all of us together, though.)(I don't miss being a cheerleader. I do, however, miss controlling crowds with five inches of thigh and some belled shoes. Seriously. I still marvel at that.)

Yes, I'm going to be this incoherent all day; I had no sleep. Also trying to get my John/Ronon recs together, since I kind of think I should feedback the authors and then give the fic their own page.
Recs

When I'm 64 by [livejournal.com profile] nymphaea1, SGA, Sheppard/McKay - I will say up front that I might be a tiny bit unobjective, as she wrote it for my birthday (MY BIRTHDAY! I HAVE NO WORDS FOR THE LEVEL OF AWESOME OF GETTING FIC FOR MY BIRTHDAY! FOR ME ME ME! I'LL STOP NOW.), but if I'd picked this up randomly off of the newsletter, I'd still have utterly loved it. It's domestic, established relationship and first-time, their future and how they got there; it's warm and gentle and washes you along in how they make an ordinary, extraordinary life together.

This is one of those that needs to be experienced, with tea, and cookies, and a pillow, cuddled under a blanket, warming from the inside out. It's lovely.

Randomicity

Script with the right generic has returned me to zen. I am very zen, so zen I sat up for way too long after [livejournal.com profile] eleveninches, damn her dark soul, pasted the link to ONTD about Britney and I am seriously refreshing going, WHAT NO WHAT THE HELL PAPARRAZI, YOU STALK HER AND YET CANNOT GET ME USEFUL INFORMATION?

I have never been so ashamed. But luckily, my parents are worse; when I told my mom, her first reaction was to run to my dad and discuss the situation thoroughly. I don't even know how to deal with that.

It's odd; I didn't realize how much it was screwing with my mood until today. I keep smiling and I wore makeup just because, and I pulled out my boots and walked into work feeling confident and pleased, like I could learn anything and do anything.

Work

Boring work stuff under the cut.

no, seriously, this is boring )

The Universe Only Mocks Because It Loves

I don't actually believe that, but I am getting a little bitter my best fic and meta ideas are regularly hitting me between eleven and one in the morning, when I'm most inspired to do and least likely to be able to type that much. Best is a subjective term that amuses me, because seriously, I am no [livejournal.com profile] cathexys when it comes to meta; my entire conceptualization is the idea there is a vast pool of answers out there that I just have to ask the right question to access.

I was thinking actually about this saying, "Still waters run deep", which is usually in reference to small children or people who are quiet, with the general suspicion that one day, they will erupt into megalomaniacs bent on world domination. Not that I do not look forward to my eventual jackboot world conquerer, as I have no desire to be first against the wall, but it always struck me as weird. I was a talkative child; I'm a fairly talkative adult once I'm settled in my skin. And you know, awake. I resented very much the idea that my depth was measured by the seconds of my silence, because damned if I was going to stop narrating my life anytime soon. And when I added the imaginary lives of imaginary people--really, why be quiet when there's so much to share?

like water )
Today is a Ramen day. I hate to admit it, but I've been on this serious Ramen kick for like a month. Is it the delicious sodium, the rich powdered artificial flavor, the thin, sad noodles? I have no clue. But it is total, total crack. I feel like a junkie hovering over my little bowl-thing.

My day yesterday ended pretty well. Just so everyone knows.

Metaish Kinda

I'm really intrigued by the concept behind the SPN comm [livejournal.com profile] nostairway.

Quoted from the [livejournal.com profile] nostairway:
No Stairway - an introduction & overview
You know how it goes. You turn on a classic rock station, and they are guaranteed to play Stairway to Heaven at least 23 times a day. Everybody loves Stairway, but there are some amazing songs that you only hear once in a great while; songs that are buried on the b-side of out-of-print platters, songs that weren't deemed commercial or hits. Why hasn't anyone put together a radio station to play all those great songs, songs that you might love if only given the opportunity?

This project is to showcase stories that you might not otherwise see and to offer classic examples of literary fiction in the Supernatural fandom. No Stairway is not a greatest hits collection, but an anthology of work that values both style and substance, and a chance for readers to discover those unrenowned b-sides that might become dear favorites, or replay an old favorite that they lost four moves and five cars ago.

Please note that 'literary' in this instance refers to form and function and not to genre. Romances, science fiction, fantasy and all other so-called "genre" forms are welcome here. What, after all, is Supernatural if not a genre story? We are looking to share your best work with our readers. Be it prosaic or experimental, sexy or plain, featuring dragons, robots, or just two boys on the road, we want to give your songs a chance to be heard.


[livejournal.com profile] winterlive started the discussion here on the general concept of a comm based somewhat on objective quality standards. There are links going from there.

[livejournal.com profile] esorlehcar weighs in here on the subject.

I started having a moment of significant cognitive dissonance when I realized I kinda completely agree with them both. But it's complicated.

fascinating how that happens )
In my continuing quest to be lazy....

Part A

You were all waiting for it; anti-fanfic bingo!

The AntiFanfic Bingo Card by [livejournal.com profile] ithiliana.

But wait! There's more!

The Anti-AntiFanfic Bingo Card by [livejournal.com profile] entropy_house

Next argument, everyone meet her with their cards and pens; winner gets the deep satisfaction of worrying about the state of humanity! Whee!

Oh, but it doesn't end there...

[livejournal.com profile] ithiliana, being of stronger stomach than many of us, has also quoted us this from Scalzi's blog:

i, all. I’ve been following this discussion for four hundred comments or so, and I just have to say your talents at writing analogies have really kept up my fascination. Fanfic is like using the neighbour’s pool! Like painting with watercolours instead of oils! Like decorating someone else’s sandcastle!

Has it occurred to anyone here that what you are all doing is writing copyright law fanfiction? You’re having so much difficulty communicating about something so huge and blurry that you’re making up your own little stories to explain it to each other. You’re creating a shared community, expressing your opinions, and exploring meaning by telling stories that are based on the original laws–and which acknowledge the source you’re talking about–but which are, in the end, an individual response to a “canon” that someone else (IP lawyers) have written–and you’re sharing your interpretations with the people around you. (You’ll notice, of course, that I’m doing the same.)

It’s IP fandom, and y’all are having a ship war.


Comment 455 by Zulu

Okay, pony up--er, if you want to. Share with me your favoritest quotes from Scalzi's blog. Come on, let's face it; the guy who compared fanfic to rape* deserves his moment in the sun for such a deeply beautiful analogy that totally expresses the relationship between a fanfic writer and her deeply, deeply phallic pen keyboard.

* I didn't see this one, just heard about it.

** To clarify--this statement was (presumably) made in comments to the entry, not by the owner of the blog itself. Clarified in the above comments. I was horrifically unclear in that particular set of sentences.

ETA: Heads-up. Who got banned over at Scalzi's blog? Anyone know?
ETA 2: That was in the Heinlein thread, courtesy of [livejournal.com profile] scalzi. My thanks for both correction and clarification, sir.
You know, the reason you will never see me arguing about fanfiction as a legitimate creative enterprise is because I can't conceptualize the idea of a hierarchy of creativity. It causes a communication breakdown from the first word; I stare blankly at the counterarguments that might as well be sanskrit for all the sense they make; how do you answer sanskrit? In sanskrit. You see the problem.

As much as I support the Organization of Transformative Works and all that comes with it, I can't quite get past the fact that with this movement comes this: as a fanfic writer I'm being asked, my culture is being asked, to prove why we should have the right to exist.

I resent it on behalf of myself, who luckily won't be asked to personally stand up and represent--I leave that to those who are involved in the OTW, to the scholars and the intellectuals, what I am not and what I will never be. But I resent my culture is being asked to do so; worse, I resent the fact we are being asked to represent fandom as a single culture in itself, asked to homogenize ourselves into something singular instead of plural, and asked, in essence, to explain why we want this.

I read about the transformative process, the history of literature, Homer and Shakespeare and Chaucer; modern reinterpretations of Cinderella and Jane Austen and the Illiad. Here's the thing; they aren't my ancestors, not in what I write.

My genealogy is a long one; my creative ancestors were poor bards and village elders and traders who wandered the world and brought stories back from wherever they went. Shakespeare doesn't legitimize what I write; it is legitimate because I wrote it. I'm following in the footsteps of those who did it as I did; not for money, for compensation, for a king's pleasure or a publisher's profit. I do it because I love to tell the story I heard and I want to share it with others.

Here's the thing:

I've always wanted to be able to create a perfect sentence; a sentence that encapsulates a concept, an idea, that can speak an absolute truth. I think all writers do; we spend a million words searching for it, read for it, hope for it, and sometimes, we're so close we hurt. I'm not even close right now; I don't know how to argue something I've always known.

I respect the arguments made for my hobby: yes, Shakespeare and Chaucer and Homer. I just don't think that they are our only models.

Mostly, I want to not be tempted to read these damn discussions. It's bad enough to read how your hobby is the equivalent of letting the terrorists win; it's worse when you realize that even as a practitioner, you don't have the necessary authority to defend it.
Have a question. This is vaguely in reference to authorial intent, but also, in general, author etiquette in fandom (aka, how authors conduct themselves in discussion so as not to stress other people. Or themselves for that matter).

i had my first class yesterday and feel very thinky )
A. The Crazy

Hmm.

Considering current events, I really think it's about time we picked a subject to be really, really psychotic over. Fannishly, that is.

I mean--haven't you ever noticed? The really crazy people seem to have a blast. Or at least a remarkably rich inner life of astral families.

(I mock out of love. Sometimes I seriously wonder about the awesome of that.)

Actually....

the love that I can't admit to ohter people for the crazy )

B. The Less Crazy

Less being the operative word here.

Horrific realization yesterday.

I like mocking myself as much as I like writing. This cannot be a good sign. But I was sitting at my innocent laptop last night, trying to troubleshoot [livejournal.com profile] svmadelyn's network with Tarot cards, and suddenly realized the most fun I could think of having was making someone do a podcast of Flight with me so I can read my own commentary while they read the fic.

And I was this close to IM's Ami to ask!!!!!

Jesus. I suddenly understand reality tv. You can get *addicted* to your own humiliation. Except it's not so much. Granted, back then I would have possibly had some kind of vaguely public diva-ish break with reality (though it's a lot more fun to do that with one's lj than it ever was in mailing lists). But now, it's *funny*, and it's me when I still found this all amazing and new and it's something I tried and failed dramatically at, but that at least I was trying new things.

It's also interestingly like having found a bit of a map to a place I lived once.

Livejournal and diaryland became my history, one I can touch and see and re-read and occasionally lockdown if I feel like it, centralized and complete. Cartography's easier when you know where you've already been, and in some ways, lj and diaryland spoiled me by giving me the means of keeping my own history, chart my own journey, my fandoms, the things I did well and the things--that are like Flight and I have to admit anyway. I know the me that was in Smallville and I know the one in QaF and I know the one in early SGA and how differently I see the fandom now. (not in a bad way. Discovering [livejournal.com profile] ltlj is possibly the highlight of my fannish existence, along with [livejournal.com profile] miss_porcupine)

Before lj and diaryland and social networking, we had Fannish Histories, with you know, Signficant Historical Personages and Signifcant Flamewars, Hugely Significant Authors, and Significant Archivists. The Extraordinary, like in any history, was preserved, annotated, recorded, passed on from person to person and place to place and convention to convention, zine to zine, big massive webpage to webpage. The rest--kind of got forgotten. You don't know what daily life in Rome was like for the average shopkeeper, but we know what Julius Caesar *ate*. You see where I'm going with this.

Now we each write our own, whether we were signficant or not. We're our own autobiographers--what we contributed, small and large, is here. Our tiny archives and our small challenges, and freaking *drabbles* are documented, recorded, found by others, remembered.

There's a metaphor in this about civilization that would actually make me look incredibly pretentious, but I wnat to do it anyway. Sadly, I can't think of it. But I think it does come down to the concept of fannish literacy, the shift that's kind of like equalization; becuase these days, while the Stephen King of Fandom X might be the most read, the less-popular of fandom are known too. And we can find them pretty much on the same shelves. And right beside each other on the same newsletters.

History:

[livejournal.com profile] basingstoke wrote the first Five Things fic. The idea has--changed a lot, both in concept and execution and meaning, but I remember when she posted it. I remember because I posted a rec in diaryland and mentioned what it was, and now I can go back and look and think, here. This is where it started. That's fannish history, the history she gave us, a new type of story.

[livejournal.com profile] thete1 wrote the first story I'd ever witnessed flatten a fandom in Smallville, Past Grief. I read it and watched it ripple, watched it take hold of people's imaginations and so many of us followed her. I remember because I recced it, then I wrote one in chat for her. And I have both recorded in my diary. That's Smallville history, the history she gave us, a new type of Smallville Clex.

I wrote a fannish novel live, Somewhere I Have Never Travelled when fandom had just started moving to livejournal. I wrote for a life audience in chat every night, then posted to lj and missed only one day before it was completed. I'm sure it wasn't the first time that's ever been done, but it was the first time I had ever done it. That's my history, the history I built for myself, something I'd never done before.

And I wrote about them all. Just some of them get thought about more than others. But they're all in the same place(s), recorded with the same care, equal with entries on fannish tropes and my deep dilike of wontons.

Sometimes I miss mailing lists and forums and single-pairing groups, and being able to go no-mail. And I miss being able to killfile and usenet flamewars and fandom not being so much a part of my daily life. Sometimes, I even miss the privacy.

But I want this history more.

This is why Flight makes me wince and blush and laugh and mock ruthlessly, because I can and because I love it and I love knowing I got better. But it makes me sad, too--that's all I have of two years of my fannish life--this and a handful of fic I posted to ASC, ASCEML, and PTF. I don't remember who I talked to, who read it with me, what formed the idea of it, what drugs I was on (obviously). I don't know why I had a style change that makes it like nothing I else I'd written at that time, but I carried with me, worked on, tried again and again until I got it right. That story was a prototype for over a dozen fic I've posted, for two of the most popular fic I've ever written, In a Thousand Miles, X-Men, and Sleep While I Drive, Smallville. I tried something new a long time ago, and then I kept trying until I learned how to do it.

I just don't know why I wanted to.
A. VVC was *amazing*, per usual. Vids were *awesome*. I'm abusing the privilege of astericks. Will hunt down the vids that premiered adn post links, because oh my GOD there was a sparkly Atlantis vid.

No, seriously. There were *sparkles*.

But for now, the one I saw while doggedly trynig to catch up on flist.

Moons of Jupiter by [livejournal.com profile] fan_eunice, which is a total love-fest of Doctor Ten-ness that makes me all fuzzy for Tennant.

B. ...someone really thought that it was a good idea to abuse-troll (I--can't think of another term that applies), the pro-ana communities? Seriously? I thought it was a bad joke.

very short huh )

Right. Longer than I thought.

C. Fixed remaining bad HTML on And All the World Beneath. Finally. What I can't figure out is why some of it just didn't translate to *either* P or BRs in the HTML, it just ran them together. It was--twitchy.

D. I miss [livejournal.com profile] svmadelyn. I mean, despite the fact I'm fairly sure that she tried to smother me the other night. There's really no other reason I can think of why the pillow was over my face so many times, you know? I mean, she says I was doing that, but you know? I wonder.

E. Met some *amazing* people and had this like, ten hour conversation with [livejournal.com profile] lovelokest and [livejournal.com profile] onnakitty that felt like ten minutes and was perenially startled every time someone mentioned how late it was.

F. May I never hear the word 'manbreast' again. It looks bad in text? You wouldn't really realize that it actually sounds five hundred times more traumatizing when spoken.

G. Waffles bit me. I think he's kind of bitter I was gone. It wasn't a hard bite, and he totally played it off as an accident, but I could totally tell.
Admin Post from the mods of [livejournal.com profile] daily_deviant.

Short version: removal of term, reversal of earlier stance, etc.

ETA: the below cut was more than I thought it would be. So it's less mod-actions at this point and more the concept of kink defintion.

hmm )
A fantastic post on the origin of the word miscegenation and the world that surrounded both its inception and the laws that used it.

What surprises me vaguely is I remember that being a vocabulary word in high school history class, specifically related to the proliferation of the law after the Civil War.

A link list of posts on the subject. For those who ignored their flist until, er, a few hours ago? [livejournal.com profile] witchqueen posts here about her email exchange with [livejournal.com profile] daily_deviant regarding the use of miscegenation for their prompt. It's interesting reading.

below cut thing )
You know, this thing going around LJ feels vaguely like the fannish equivalent of leaving a forwarding address.

If I vanish mysteriously, I am at seperis.newsite.com place!

OTOH, if we do have a fannish migration, I've decided that instead of seperis, there will be the rise of a new fangirl. I will call her Bob.

In this day and age, it's just too hard to change identities suddenly. People catch you. There are IP things. And well, let's face it, sometimes Certain Things kind of stand out--oh, say, saying your country of origin is Chile, you love Clex, and you keep friending herohunter, for example. Not that I'm talking about anything specific.

But this. With the Mad Scramble across a billion blogging sites (seriously, y'all? Let's get together and *vote* or something to see who we honor with our underaged porn presence), people will get lost. People will change names. Just think--you're sitting there, oh, two years after the--hmm. Need a name here. Ah. "The Great Fannish Scattering". Yes.--after The Great Fannish Scattering. We'll call it Scat for short.

...hmm. No, we won't. Go back.

The Great Fannish Scattering. It's two years later. You are sipping latte and thinking about your flying car (seriously, where are the flying cars already?) and your upcoming vacation to Mars for the new MediaWestinSpace convention. And you are talking to BetsyBoom. Your bestest friend ever. And you are hitting wayback machine, as people do. And you discover--

BETSYBOOM IS YOUR MORTAL ENEMY SUPERHARRYSLUT (not referring to actual person by name of superharryslut. Seriously. Is there a superharryslut?)!

You remember it all. She told you that your astral marriage to Harry Potter was invalid because she already married him there! She posted obviously photoshopped pictures of the honeymoon (you know photoshopped fakes, unlike yours, which were Divinely Inspired by His Heroness). Flame after flame. Picture after picture. Terrifyingly detailed narratives of intimate astral trysts. She touched his astral robe! Whore.

But she's your best friend now!

You see how this can only end in tragedy. there's a lesson in this I hope you all walk away from thinking about very seriously. The first would be, check out your polygamous astral plane husband's history first. Second--well. Hide better. And some other stuff.

For your assignment: imagine you are the person I didn't name, but the pov of this little story. What do you do when confronted with SUPERHARRYSLUT aka BetsyBoom's real identity? And no, astral plane assassinations are not acceptable. Those fuck up your karma, yo.

I worry about these things.
This is, surprisingly, non-HP related. No, *really*. This is A Moment of Random Fanfic Bitching.

just something I've mulled while doing things with links )

This has been A Moment of Random Fanfic Bitchery. Please return to your porn writing, plz.
Survived the beach. Actually, it turned out almost creepily fun and good, like some kind of television miniseries on family bonding. My sister's fiance was new to the entire Our Family of Multiple Personalities experience but fit in nicely. I do miss her first husband, though, and a part of me really wished he could have come.

I do get that would be worth years of therapy, but still.

Anyway. My dad a couple of years ago was down at Port A with my mom to go on the gambling boat thing and they were looking for some place to stay. We have this one motelish place we always use for like, three freaking generations and dad was practically married to it. Every year, that's where we went.

However, when I began regular travel and booking of hotels I started looking up things like condos and etc to stay at, and when I raved about the place [livejournal.com profile] hwmitzy booked us in South Padre, they got interested. Anyway, short version they stumbled across a quiet place that turned out to be a lot better than it looked; very plain exterior, but awesome rooms, a huge porch, and on the first floor with a view of the beach. Dad was hooked. The room we got was expandable from one to two to three to I think four bedrooms with a neat series of locking doors. We ended up with the two bedroom, since we'd been kind of hard line on a first floor and beach view, so me and my youngest sister got futons in teh living room. I am not complaining--I had a fantastic time.

Anyway, short version--fun. Just too much.

And I am set for travel until August. I am remembering a time in my life where I never travelled. It's surreal to think of it.

*****

While continuing the obsessive tagging in del.icio.us--my main source of relaxation and entertainment, sadly enough--I remembered I'd left a few stories off that werne't archived on my website. They were part of Unspoken: A Round Robin, which was this accidental thing in X-Men Movieverse. I'd written a story for a friend who gave me very specific parameters to write in, and then kind of left the story in my WIP folder since it didn't really go anywhere--basically just an intro to a radically different AU. After posting, two people asked to continue the storyline--[livejournal.com profile] minisinoo and [livejournal.com profile] andariel. And then a lot of people jumped in.

At the time, it was a really cool surprise. Everyone picked up different characters, brought in non-movie characters and alternate storylines, and there ended up being fifty-seven stories in the series, a *lot* of which were written in the space of a few weeks. We had a lot of lurkers come out to post a story or two, make suggestions, etc. Being a small list, it was pretty high output there for a while.

*g* And it was fun.

I forgot how much I missed shared universe. That was a serious level of fun there.

And yes, random moment of the day. I am *so close* to being done editing and God, I am terrified.
NOTE TO [livejournal.com profile] out_there - I FOUND IT! And I was stupid. Let's leave it at that. Email me? I--don't have your email addy.

BUT YES FOUND IT!

*****

Saved Convos

Before the days of trillian auto-logging, one had to save convos the old, hard way, hitting Save and putting it in a folder and so much stress. But I was going through some looking for something and ran across a rant to a friend I saved back in 2002. It was--hmm. Surreal.

Related tangent: I reactivated my diaryland account and it is now readable. it reminds me how much *easier* my life is in LJ comparatively speaking. The convo I read the other night covers a period of time of about three entries there as well as some earlier ones.

Here's eomething I realized.

I almost never delete fannish content. In LJ, I might lock to friends every so often, but I don't think I've ever deleted anything, even the stuff where I fuck up publicly. Part of that is laziness, to be honest. But part of it is also the feeling of needing full disclosure. Fandom is rumor-filled, we all know this. To me, it's a lot easier to just have it out there and let it be found than someone, say, muttering under their breath, back in 200X, jenn did *this*.

It also acts as reminder and history lesson, warnings of what to do, what not to do, but more than those things, it's *me*. And a lot of the way I think has altered in the three-four years since I used it last, but a lot also has developed into a fuller version of what then I was only just learning.

opinions change, thought changes, but not the underpinnings of why, or, the history that fanfic carries )
*narrow eyes*

I feel as if I now have every excuse to sulk prodigiously. The job I interviewed for, again, went to someone else. I sulked in supervisor junior's office while he made comforting noises.

Also, there was pizza for lunch and thanks to bad medication, I could not eat it. I can officially recommend this for weight loss. It makes a two inch thick pizza stuffed with meat and cheese and other good things absolutely uneatable.

I resent life right now.

Okay, moving to:

Child was reaccepted to his school next year. Thank God.

I finally caught up on Fanlib because really, I'm sulking and by God, I feel the need to read things that will raise my blood pressure, such as it is. Summaries of the situation are everywhere.

My favorite post so far is by [livejournal.com profile] icarusancalion here. [livejournal.com profile] metafandom is hopping with links--Jesus, which I have read, oh, all.

Henry Jenkins checked in here.

[livejournal.com profile] astolat wants a multifandom archive here, run by us, for us, literally. Also has set up the [livejournal.com profile] fanarchive for discussion of how to go about this. We *need* to do this. Also, I have no skills whatsoever when I was trying to think of things to offer. Dear God. That is depressing.

See? Sulking. I plan to continue until at least Thursday.

And final note on Fanlib before I forget they exist, which shouldn't take long, since their main page is appalling and I try to quickly wipe trauma from my mind to prevent the early signs of aging.....

Gakked from [livejournal.com profile] bethbethbeth, who also beat my easy sudoku score, but I'm not bitter. Not yet

Here is a charming brochure of their corporate goals as given to the investors.

Read more in their 6-page PDF brochure, with revelatory quotes like:

See How To: Grow Audience! Enhance Brand! and Increase Revenue!
[let] a mass audience collaborate democratically in a fun online game that you control.
[Emphasis theirs]
Increase audience -- if they build it, they will come
Massive Viral Marketing
And how about Page 4, describing how their site is "MANAGED & MODERATED TO THE MAX," including the following:

1.) As with a coloring book, players must "stay within the lines"
2.) Restrictive player's terms-of-service protects your rights and property
3.) Moderated "scene missions" keep the story under your control
4.) Full monitoring & management of submissions & players


This is the only time I was tempted to submit. Just to see if they'd take Only Human, the version that existed before I removed the mutilation aspects.

Yes, a restrictive TOS isn't a bug -- it's a feature!

They conclude with the following B2B summary:

FANLIB TECHNOLOGIES (a division of My2Centences LLC) develops, markets and manages innovative social software and web services that unleash the creativity of the worldwide public and generate remarkable value for businesses.


Charming.

I will chip my fic into stone and carry it to people's houses before I'd be comfortable using this site. Though I don't know where I'd get the stone. I'll have to look around.

This is my dramatic representation of everything. I think I officially have an excuse to drink. Well, hot chocolate, but I only have one package yet and I can pretend I added rum.

Plz wake me when it's Friday. Thank you.

ALSO

Anyone who has Supernatural as their primary fandom? I need a beta. Email me please? Or leave a comment? Or possibly send smoke signals. I could totally sit on my roof today and stare dubiously at the neighborhood while reciting epic poetry. I think it would relieve my feelings. I am thinking something in Beowulf. It's not like I understood it the first time through, so maybe this will help.

Or ooh, Chaucer. Not poetry, per se, but ooh. I can mispronounce so many words.

I now officially want a unicorn. Nothing else will do. A unicorn with wings.

ETA - LJ COMMENTS STOP DOING THAT. COME AT THE CORRECT TIME. OR AT ALL. IS THIS AN ET TU BRUTE MOMENT YET? IS IT?
Thought. Random thought. Actually fairly undoable thought.

In another lj, there's a fascinating meta about correlation between comment number and how good a story is. I really wont' rehash that here, because it will only make me cite the stories I hate most that had high comment counts and send me into blind rages. It's a problem. I deal with it.

So I'm trying to figure out how would a true double blind work in fandom as it stands. The only way I can see that would level all playing fields--and even then, I'm talking a severe difference in level, but close enough--would be a double blind. Anonymous authors, screened comments--and a single writing prompt. Because while I buy that quality of fic has something to do with quantity of feedback--I think it's not as much as we--and I mean, me, the writer--always hopes it will be.

Okay, just thinking. A double blind, if you wanted to test the hypothesis -- a fic with a lot of feedback is (usually) better or at least far more publicly accessible than one that has a lower one. What would be the constants?
Random moment of squickery. And this is not related at all to anything except I got to thinking on my primary squicks and wondered if anyone else had really weird ones.

I mean, I have like, one major pairing squick (will run in the other direction and occasionally refilter my flist to avoid seeing even mention--yes, I know, My neuroses and I are one), and a few minor ones in SGA. But I developed this entire host of bizarre characterization squicks as well that always throw me, because honestly, there is no way to warn for them, some people have entirely differnet ways of seeing the character--which is fine! I swear! Except the sociopathic John thing, that is just stupid--okay, and the robot-of-no-real-emotions John thing, also mindblowingly stupid--but beyond that. And weird, *weird* plot squicks. And there's this entire *litany* of John-related and Rodney-related almost-squicks--I'll read them if this person write it, but not that person, and I'll only read it if this person was making me pre-read it early on and I'm allowed to insert such comments as WHY DID YOU DO THAT? EXPLAIN DAMMIT and then they do, and then I'm okay (see Astolat's Tango for fic that first squicked me, then much later, after a line by line with Amireal, really loving it and adding to re-read list). And I think Bone is still the only person I can read John/Ronon from, and I think a lot of that is because I was reading it well before I hardened into my OTP, and a lot of it because no other character suffered for the making of the pairing, which some John/Ronon fics I read seemed to have at least some bit of Rodney-left-out-and-hurt, which kind of sours it.

But okay, I'm asking for other people to tell me their weird squicks, I'll tell a few of the less-humiliating ones. I just want to feel less weird.

squicks, semi-squicks, and weird-outs )
The client on the phone is taking an inordinately long period of time to find her caseworker's name. So.

I have a question.

When posting to LJ--not just daily entries, but stories, art, vids, meta, etc--what is your ideal time and why? Mornings, fresher, bored at work, midday, nearer lunch, refreshed, afternoon, the midafternoon drag, evening, while watching House or Supernatural et al, or night, when the house is quiet?

I have this weird feeling it means something that I'm most likely to post after 11 PM, but I'm not sure if it's that I don't want attention so fast or it's motivating to wake up to email. Tricky, that.

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