So in a bout of truly useless self-improvement, I sat grimly down at my computer and decided it was about time to break my aversion to visual porn. Of all the things in my life that need improvement, I honestly dont' think this actually qualifies, but in certain circles, it is theorized that society conditions women against visual representations of sex (and also, most porn is hideous aesthetically), so if anyone asks, I'm totally doing this for greater freedom from the patriarchy.

But again, most porn is, for me, really hideous and weird and there's a really questionable amount of semen involved that seems to get everywhere, and you may not know this, but that sort of thing bothers me, because I worry they have some kind of ball-related overproduction disease and porn is how they're paying for medical treatment.

...yes, I almost wrote porn possibly-rps/fanfic and I do hate myself just a little. But not that much.

So I reviewed all my sex-watching related experience--in media, thank you--and decided to start off with something that didn't require pausing for me to get over my hideous embarrassment, and something familiar enough that I've read porn about and so could deal with the reality. Then I thought, oh right, Gravitation Remixes, that'll work! Neat pages, all stills, I know the storyline and oh, look at all those pairings! And threesomes, foursomes and possibly a fivesome there.


NSFW observations below. Possibly more so than any porn I have ever written, tbh.

Okay, while I know I didn't actually ask any of you for recommendations, I feel enough of you know me to have sensed through the Fangirl Force that this would happen and maybe warned me about what I was getting into. Okay, so apparently the semen thing is like, necessary and amazing how you can convey everyone dripping with it in black and white--I'm very impressed. That's fine. The dialogue--okay, I have an actual thing for the porny dialogue that I'm not even ashamed of (much) anymore, and also, not like they both weren't in character! Because that really matters.

I think--maybe--this went all wrong when blankly staring at the small but intensely detailed internal anus-eye view of proceedings in all it's many states of empty, not empty, what the fuck is in there now? and then the part where far too many things were in there and you could see them all--imagine, if you will, a tiny bobbing string of anal balls--and by tiny, I mean, quite large when they weren't residing in the physics-defying confines of Shuichi's ass--drowning in a vast, vast ocean of semen before a penis also took up residence and I had to stop and go back two pages because the balls were quite large and Shuichi isn't, though I guess now some kegel exercises for men might not go amiss.

The thing is, I've seen hentai and related on Redtube due to bet-losing and [personal profile] svmadelyn being a monster and everything, but somehow, being a single still drawing--or a series of them--seem kind of more--something. Like, now I have time to sit there and stare for a long, long time before I remember how my fingers work. Like, maybe I'm going about this from the wrong angle, and maybe I shouldn't have single large multiple panels to stare at and absorb when if they were all moving, maybe I wouldn't have time to go "Oh my God he's going to split open" and then continue to read all thirteen volumes afterward.

Other than the ass-camera part, though, we have achieved success. I only broke into hysterical laughter twice (eight times) and I suspect once the entire ass-view thing is removed from my brain via bleach, the rest is pretty hot.

I am on a journey, people. This is but one small step.
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--unknown, BTS list

That's why he goes bad, you know -- all the good people hit him on the head or try to shoot him and constantly mistrust him, while there's this vast cohort of minions saying, We wouldn't hurt you, Lex, and we'll give you power and greatness and oh so much sex...

Wow. That was scary. Lex is like Jesus in the desert.
--pricklyelf on why Lex goes bad

Obi-Wan has a sort of desperate, pathetic patience in this movie. You can just see it in his eyes: "My padawan is a psychopath, and no one will believe me; I'm barely keeping him under control and expect to wake up any night now to find him standing over my bed with a knife!"
--Teague reviewing "Star Wars: Attack of the Clones"

Beth: god, why do i have so many beads?
Jenn: Because you are an addict.
Jenn: There are twelve step programs for this.
Beth: i dunno they'd work, might have to go straight for the electroshock.
Jenn: I'm not sure that helps with bead addiction.
Beth: i was thinking more to demagnitize my credit card.
--AIM, 12/24/2003

I could rape a goat and it will DIE PRETTIER than they write.
--AIM, anonymous, 2/17/2004

In medical billing there is a diagnosis code for someone who commits suicide by sea anenemoe.
--AIM, silverkyst, 3/25/2004

Anonymous: sorry. i just wanted to tell you how much i liked you. i'd like to take this to a higher level if you're willing
Eleveninches: By higher level I hope you mean email.
--LJ, 4/2/2004

silverkyst: I need to not be taking molecular genetics.
silverkyst: though, as a sidenote, I did learn how to eviscerate a fruit fly larvae by pulling it's mouth out by it's mouthparts today.
silverkyst: I'm just nowhere near competent in the subject material to be taking it.
Jenn: I'd like to thank you for that image.
--AIM, 1/25/2005

You know, if obi-wan had just disciplined the boy *properly* we wouldn't be having these problems. Can't you just see yoda? "Take him in hand, you must. The true Force, you must show him."
--LJ, Issaro, on spanking Anakin in his formative years, 3/15/2005

Aside from the fact that one person should never go near another with a penis, a bottle of body wash, and a hopeful expression...
--LJ, Summerfling, on shower sex, 7/22/2005

It's weird, after you get used to the affection you get from a rabbit, it's like any other BDSM relationship. Only without the sex and hot chicks in leather corsets wielding floggers. You'll grow to like it.
--LJ, revelininsanity, on my relationship with my rabbit, 2/7/2006

Smudged upon the near horizon, lapine shadows in the mist. Like a doomsday vision from Watership Down, the bunny intervention approaches.
--LJ, cpt_untouchable, on my addition of The Fourth Bunny, 4/13/2006

Rule 3. Chemistry is kind of like bondage. Some people like it, some people like reading about or watching other people doing it, and a large number of people's reaction to actually doing the serious stuff is to recoil in horror.
--LJ, deadlychameleon, on class, 9/1/2007

If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, then Fan Fiction is John Cusack standing outside your house with a boombox.
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