To take a break from quiet paranoia for a bit (my paranoia is very paranoid but it's quite exhausting):

The real reason why Steve Jobs hates Flash by Charlie Stross (thanks to [personal profile] anatsuno for the original link)

I call it Our Dystopia: How Bladerunner and Neuromancer Weren't Quite Depressing Enough So Let's Mix This In and Really Lose the Will to Live, because halfway through comments, I was already like, thinking of stocking up on spare 1TB drives and spray-paint my keyboard in various (and tastefully renegade) shades of green for my inevitable escape to the underground (in the jungle?) clutching my hard drives to my chest while being chased by G4 and G5 mobile's Everpresent Eye trying to steal my data from my cold, dead fingers.

I quibble politely with this:
That's the time scale in which they expect the cloud computing revolution to flatten the existing PC industry. Unless they can turn themselves into an entirely different kind of corporation by 2015 Apple is doomed to the same irrelevance as the rest of the PC industry — interchangable suppliers of commodity equipment assembled on a shoestring budget with negligable profit.

And.
If you're using an iPad in 2015, my bet is that you won't bother to have home broadband; you'll just have data on demand wherever you are. You won't bother yourself about backups, because your data is stored in Apple's cloud. You won't need to bother about software updates because all that stuff will simply happen automatically in the background, without any fuss: nor will worms or viruses or malware be allowed. You will, of course, pay a lot more for the experience than your netbook-toting hardcore microsofties — but you won't have to worry about your antivirus software breaking your computer, either. Because you won't have a "computer" in the current sense of the word. You'll just be surrounded by a swarm of devices that give you access to your data whenever and however you need it.


Clarification:

It is 2010 and I can't download a song from Amazon on my G1 unless I'm standing in just the right part of the parking lot on one leg while humming Whataya Want From Me backward (all roads lead to Adam Lambert; he's magic). I live in Austin--you're saying in five years--five years--the current disgraceful state of wireless global networking will not crash and die when I need Jason Derulo's new single like now? That's like saying in five years I can finally give up the flesh and the tyranny of individualism and join the One of the Net, All Seeing, All Knowing, All Surfing (May the Oneness Last Forever).

What I'm saying is, you think in five years mobile access is not going to make me curse the name of all who own iPhones for stealing my bandwidth? Stop raising my hopes here, okay? That's just like, cruel.

(On the inevitability of All Our Data Belongs To Big Network Drives in five years: did I ever mention that we had a major data center that required a firehose once to avoid overheating? Yeah. Call me when no one is standing anywhere holding a giant hose with an embarrassed expression. Maybe then I won't laugh too hard.)

(PS: Swarming. I love that word.)
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If you don't send me feedback, I will sob uncontrollably for hours on end, until finally, in a fit of depression, I slash my wrists and bleed out on the bathroom floor. My death will be on your heads. Murderers.
--unknown, BTS list


That's why he goes bad, you know -- all the good people hit him on the head or try to shoot him and constantly mistrust him, while there's this vast cohort of minions saying, We wouldn't hurt you, Lex, and we'll give you power and greatness and oh so much sex...

Wow. That was scary. Lex is like Jesus in the desert.
--pricklyelf on why Lex goes bad


Obi-Wan has a sort of desperate, pathetic patience in this movie. You can just see it in his eyes: "My padawan is a psychopath, and no one will believe me; I'm barely keeping him under control and expect to wake up any night now to find him standing over my bed with a knife!"
--Teague reviewing "Star Wars: Attack of the Clones"


Beth: god, why do i have so many beads?
Jenn: Because you are an addict.
Jenn: There are twelve step programs for this.
Beth: i dunno they'd work, might have to go straight for the electroshock.
Jenn: I'm not sure that helps with bead addiction.
Beth: i was thinking more to demagnitize my credit card.
--AIM, 12/24/2003


I could rape a goat and it will DIE PRETTIER than they write.
--AIM, anonymous, 2/17/2004


In medical billing there is a diagnosis code for someone who commits suicide by sea anenemoe.
--AIM, silverkyst, 3/25/2004


Anonymous: sorry. i just wanted to tell you how much i liked you. i'd like to take this to a higher level if you're willing
Eleveninches: By higher level I hope you mean email.
--LJ, 4/2/2004


silverkyst: I need to not be taking molecular genetics.
silverkyst: though, as a sidenote, I did learn how to eviscerate a fruit fly larvae by pulling it's mouth out by it's mouthparts today.
silverkyst: I'm just nowhere near competent in the subject material to be taking it.
Jenn: I'd like to thank you for that image.
--AIM, 1/25/2005


You know, if obi-wan had just disciplined the boy *properly* we wouldn't be having these problems. Can't you just see yoda? "Take him in hand, you must. The true Force, you must show him."
--LJ, Issaro, on spanking Anakin in his formative years, 3/15/2005


Aside from the fact that one person should never go near another with a penis, a bottle of body wash, and a hopeful expression...
--LJ, Summerfling, on shower sex, 7/22/2005


It's weird, after you get used to the affection you get from a rabbit, it's like any other BDSM relationship. Only without the sex and hot chicks in leather corsets wielding floggers. You'll grow to like it.
--LJ, revelininsanity, on my relationship with my rabbit, 2/7/2006


Smudged upon the near horizon, lapine shadows in the mist. Like a doomsday vision from Watership Down, the bunny intervention approaches.
--LJ, cpt_untouchable, on my addition of The Fourth Bunny, 4/13/2006


Rule 3. Chemistry is kind of like bondage. Some people like it, some people like reading about or watching other people doing it, and a large number of people's reaction to actually doing the serious stuff is to recoil in horror.
--LJ, deadlychameleon, on class, 9/1/2007

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