I honestly think I am never going to ever finish anything when I have like, tons of fic that are missing like, one scene (including my help_haiti fic) and I just. Can't. Make. Them. Work.

Randomly, Kris on a journey of personal discovery:

"So Ben was like--" Adam makes a vague gesture, casually obscene, stretched out on the hood of his car with a pensive expression as the ocean beat a distant counterpoint against the rocks below them. "What, closeted?"

Kris picks up his beer and thinks about it. "No? He was just, you know--he really liked blowjobs."

Adam's shakes his head in bewilderment at the strangeness of people who don't live a life that makes porn superfluous.

(Not that Adam doesn't have porn. Adam and porn are not strangers at all.)

"For three months?" Adam sighs, taking a drink. "You know, I could--"

"I have a full beer and that jacket is Prada," Kris says darkly. "Think about how you want to finish that sentence."

Adam hunches his shoulders protectively, pulling the soft leather closer. "I was going to say," he answers defensively, black-smudged blue eyes narrowing in betrayal, "I know some guys--"

"That's--actually worse," Kris says after finishing his beer, more to remove himself from the temptation than anything else. Dropping the bottle over the side of the car, Kris turns his head enough to make sure Adam can see his appalled horror. "You're not pimping me out to your friends."

"I was thinking more--"

"Or your hook-ups," Kris adds implacably to derail the crazy before he wakes up to a selection of text messages offering all the gay experience any man could ask for as approved by Adam Lambert. There's nothing about this plan that could possibly go right, even by accident. "I think I can handle it, thanks."

Adam rolls his eyes. "Fine, since you're doing so well, who am I to try to introduce a little variety--"

"There's something to be said for intensive practice," Kris says thoughtfully, scooting closer as the chill breeze coming off the Pacific cuts through his t-shirt. Adam lifts his arm and Kris settles gratefully against the big, warm body, the smell of leather and aftershave and Paul Mitchell settling around him in a comfortable, familiar haze. "You know. Getting it right."

Adam finishes his beer, pretending he doesn't want to ask while Kris pretends he won't eventually tell.

"Okay," Adam says, tossing the bottle into the darkness before running his fingers deliberately through Kris' hair. "Where should I start?"

Kris shivers and leans into the touch with a sigh; Adam might not always win, but he sure knows how not to lose. "Ask me about my reflexes. We'll go from there."
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If you don't send me feedback, I will sob uncontrollably for hours on end, until finally, in a fit of depression, I slash my wrists and bleed out on the bathroom floor. My death will be on your heads. Murderers.
--unknown, BTS list

That's why he goes bad, you know -- all the good people hit him on the head or try to shoot him and constantly mistrust him, while there's this vast cohort of minions saying, We wouldn't hurt you, Lex, and we'll give you power and greatness and oh so much sex...

Wow. That was scary. Lex is like Jesus in the desert.
--pricklyelf on why Lex goes bad

Obi-Wan has a sort of desperate, pathetic patience in this movie. You can just see it in his eyes: "My padawan is a psychopath, and no one will believe me; I'm barely keeping him under control and expect to wake up any night now to find him standing over my bed with a knife!"
--Teague reviewing "Star Wars: Attack of the Clones"

Beth: god, why do i have so many beads?
Jenn: Because you are an addict.
Jenn: There are twelve step programs for this.
Beth: i dunno they'd work, might have to go straight for the electroshock.
Jenn: I'm not sure that helps with bead addiction.
Beth: i was thinking more to demagnitize my credit card.
--AIM, 12/24/2003

I could rape a goat and it will DIE PRETTIER than they write.
--AIM, anonymous, 2/17/2004

In medical billing there is a diagnosis code for someone who commits suicide by sea anenemoe.
--AIM, silverkyst, 3/25/2004

Anonymous: sorry. i just wanted to tell you how much i liked you. i'd like to take this to a higher level if you're willing
Eleveninches: By higher level I hope you mean email.
--LJ, 4/2/2004

silverkyst: I need to not be taking molecular genetics.
silverkyst: though, as a sidenote, I did learn how to eviscerate a fruit fly larvae by pulling it's mouth out by it's mouthparts today.
silverkyst: I'm just nowhere near competent in the subject material to be taking it.
Jenn: I'd like to thank you for that image.
--AIM, 1/25/2005

You know, if obi-wan had just disciplined the boy *properly* we wouldn't be having these problems. Can't you just see yoda? "Take him in hand, you must. The true Force, you must show him."
--LJ, Issaro, on spanking Anakin in his formative years, 3/15/2005

Aside from the fact that one person should never go near another with a penis, a bottle of body wash, and a hopeful expression...
--LJ, Summerfling, on shower sex, 7/22/2005

It's weird, after you get used to the affection you get from a rabbit, it's like any other BDSM relationship. Only without the sex and hot chicks in leather corsets wielding floggers. You'll grow to like it.
--LJ, revelininsanity, on my relationship with my rabbit, 2/7/2006

Smudged upon the near horizon, lapine shadows in the mist. Like a doomsday vision from Watership Down, the bunny intervention approaches.
--LJ, cpt_untouchable, on my addition of The Fourth Bunny, 4/13/2006

Rule 3. Chemistry is kind of like bondage. Some people like it, some people like reading about or watching other people doing it, and a large number of people's reaction to actually doing the serious stuff is to recoil in horror.
--LJ, deadlychameleon, on class, 9/1/2007

If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, then Fan Fiction is John Cusack standing outside your house with a boombox.
-- Tweeted by JRDSkinner

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